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Just D
message 1:
by
Derrick
(new)
Dec 03, 2016 07:16PM
Hi, my life is amazing
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haha, does a new comment mean a new journal entry??
wHy? Why can I not sleep?
Why can I not be unconditionally happy?
Why am I falling
for everything I let myself
believe?
Why can I not love?
Why can I not love?
Why islife so damn hard?
Why do my parents hate me?
Why can I never make my own decisions, do I need someone to tell me what I am going to be when I graduate?
Why can I not be smart?
Why can I not have a 4.0 gpa?
Why can I not go to a huge school?
Why can I not stand up for myself?
Why can i not convert to veganism?
Why can I not have everything?
Why do I love him?
Why doesn't he love me?
Why can't I be sexy?
Why do I live here?
Why am I so disappointing?
Why can't I put myself first?
Why am I so lazy?
Why haven't I smoked weed, ever?
Why would I want to?
Why can't I have the world?
OOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR do I already have it and I just need to open my eye's?
How can you be in love with more than one person at one time?I don't understand...
On the other hand, I want to tell P that I still might be looking at moving to NC with her.
But my life is a mess right now, and I am slowly picking up every little piece.
ALSO, WHY ARE COLLEGIATE LEVEL CLASSES SO FUCKING HARD???
How can life be so beautiful yet so hideous at the same time?
I'm such a dumb ass for not doing what I should have.
It's 11 pm and I am just now starting my homework, goodbye social life, goodbye sleep.
Where will she go? What may she do? Hopefully she is okay.
I can't get enough cals to gain.. I'm not even that hungry..
Maybe I'll take a day off this weekend. A day to just relax, breathe, live. I haven't done that in a while. But then again, I have finals all next week so fuck my life, upside down, with a chainsaw.
I don't think I sound possessive, hmmmm.
Why did I even go to study tonight, I feel like absolute shit now.I'm to young to be stressed.
I feel empty, no emotion. But that makes me feel emotion, the idea of having no emotion.
IDK about tomorrow, I don't want to be in the concert anymore..
I wonder if my Bio- Mother ever thinks about me?
She never told me Happy Birthday when it came 11 months ago. How did I just think of that?
OMFG, so P is gone, FOrEVeR!!! No, jk, just until she starts feeling better. And I am in No way copying her, but I haven't set any goals for myself in a very long time, which is a shame. And I am not going to leave social media indefinitely, but I will only use it, every other day, for approximately one hour a day, until I have achieved at least 10 of my goals. That will be rule number oneeeee. AND P, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I LUH YOU!! AND I AM NOT TRYING TO COPY YOU, I JUST REALLY LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE STARTED, AND I WANTED TO TRY IT OUT.Anyways, HERE ARE MY GOALS:
1.) Get and maintain a 3.5 GPA next quarter and semester.
2.) Sign my Army paperwork to enlist in the Reserves.
3.) Get a score of >50+ on the ASVAB.
4.) Start taking classes to get my certificate/ degree in personal training/ exercise science.
5.) Get my weight up to 135 by Feb.
6.) Start saving for The Move. One more year babes!!
7.) Wake up everyday at 5 am.
8.) Compliment at least 5 people everyday.
9.) Start my personal training business, this will take time..
10.) Get un-grounded for good.
11.) Get rid of all the negative people in my life.
12.) Get my driver's license .
13.) Get a car.
14.) Start writing in my physical journal more often.
15.) Quit lying to myself.
16.) Quit settling for less then what I deserve.
20.) Put school first.
21.) Get a job.
22.) BECOME A MORE RESPONSIBLE YOUNG ADULT.
23.) BECOME MORE INDEPENDENT.
24.) Hang out with friends more.
25.) Hang out with P more.
26.) Take up hiking again- maybe with P!
Also, I have no need to login to this journal anymore, so farewell, we shall meet again, if it was meant to be.
Oh my word! It has been a minute. Since my last entry I unfriended P which might have been a mistake but I do not regret it, as every decision you make shapes who you will become. This might have been the month that we started a channel. I have met a really amazing boy who lives in CR and I might ask him on a date soon. He's 20 and he's in competitive cheer. I have smoked weed for the first time and it was completely life changing. I loved it, guess you could call me a premature stoner. I have been craving the vegan lifestyle so much lately. I have really been craving watermelon and coconut water lately. I posted some really cute selfies on Instagram. I am no longer dtf I want something real. I also might be signing my military contracts this summer which is so exciting. I have been looking into gymnastics and I have been tumbling like everyday. These planets in retrograde also have me fucked up right now, thank god Mars will be out on the 20th. My mind is all over the place right now. P, if you read this, I miss you a lot right now and there is so much I want to ask you. I am sorry P, and I really want our friendship. I am sorry for what I have done. I hope you got my ask last night. I miss you. I really do. Please message me or talk to me somehow. Anyways, I have homeowrk to do and water to drink.
OMG I FORGOT, I have been feeling really hippie-ish and artsy lately, just a thought.
I really need to reconnect with nature, I think it's the perfect time
Derrick wrote: "OMFG, so P is gone, FOrEVeR!!! No, jk, just until she starts feeling better. And I am in No way copying her, but I haven't set any goals for myself in a very long time, which is a shame. And I am n..."That's really good goals :)
blue wrote: "Derrick wrote: "OMFG, so P is gone, FOrEVeR!!! No, jk, just until she starts feeling better. And I am in No way copying her, but I haven't set any goals for myself in a very long time, which is a s..."I didn't ever accomplish those but it's in the past, currently creating new goals. And hey blue, what's up?
Hello Derrick :)nothing much, really just getting ready for bed :D u?
Homework, do you have any social media accounts?
Ah cool. I have Tumblr, instagram, Snapchat.
I have to go to sleep derrick, talk to you later
what's your username so I can follow?
AHHHH, my selfie got 40+ likes which isn't that many but I haven't posted a selfie in foreverAlso, this guy I slept with while he had a gf, um the gf and I were not friends for like forever bc I was a hoe, but now I'm kush kush, anyway she liked it and I about died, I guess we're cool now, it's been like 2 years
ALSO, I love twitterand adults, a teacher at my school was like "you're gonna be a star, I can see it in your eye's"
I died then as well
and when my boiiii told me not to call him dude bc it's a friendzone word,like yess bb yessss
I just wanna get high like 24/7 but it's actually oklike, how did I miss out all my life
amazing, radiating with love actually, and I love your name dude
i see we have migrated to this thread hola derrick
this was a gonna be a "private venting place" but oh well
Derrick wrote: "this was a gonna be a "private venting place" but oh well"sorry dude, we can leave?
jacqueline wrote: "rae wrote: "the partys wherever im at bruh"liar"
cash me outside howbowdah
