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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
message 3051:
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Hallie
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Nov 06, 2017 05:58PM
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Reason number one why Hallie's an idiot: She listens to Chester Bennington while feeling like this.....
Hallie wrote: "Alia [permanent semi-hiatus] wrote: "I understand. :( I hate that you feel so lonely otherwise. And I hope that soon, it won't feel that way. Lol it's totally cool!!! And yeah, old group XD That ..."
No you're not :(
Yasss haha! And thanks, but no lol. I was not a writer back then. I was just a person interested in seeing just how outrageous things could get without actually doing them (even at 5, I was a pretty devout rule follower lol). Haha Patrick was just being a human when the other two were going insane XD
And you're not an idiot! I posted this extensive tangent on my journal about writers and I'm not sure if it's complete rubbish but I decided to play it with text to speech. I like doing that with my writing sometimes. It makes me notice stuff I didn't when reading. Lol basically I was just going "I'm a writer, I can't constrain myself." I think now I've decided to just write the whole thing and if it's seven pages, fine, I'll just edit it down. But this thing needs to get out tbh.
YES!!! THANK YOU for confirming my thoughts there! Even when I write a purely academic thing, it's hard to stop :/ You should've seen my lab conclusion from last week! Cramped handwriting is my thing too XD but unfortunately, this assignment has to be typed double spaced with 12 point font. Haha, I bet your imagination was awesome to get you a perfect score! I feel you there too. In fact, I'm actually going to write about an experience I had with my close friend where we had the same packet and I filled up the whole space with teeny handwriting while she wrote two sentences for each question... she went "Oh you..." XD last year, we literally didn't write anything that wasn't purely based on claims made by the author of another article. It was all just citing quotes, explaining them and why they are significant, and repeat... if it weren't for me taking writing outside of school, I would have the same problem of not knowing how to put substance and depth into writing...
It's okay, all I need is someone to tell me I'm not insane :) Because you can bet that if people see my non-condensed version that I'm pouring out onto the page, they will go "omg..."
Hallie wrote: "Reason number one why Hallie's an idiot: She listens to Chester Bennington while feeling like this....."I miss him :(
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I didn't realize why that was so sad... that sucks :( But Hallie, that's not idiotic, you miss him and it's okay because you're appreciating his work still.
I idolised him - I still do. It's killing me that he is dead and I'm still alive. I'm idiotic because listening to that makes me want to kill myself. I'll reply to the rest later.
Aww Hallie :( *hugs*It's not fair that he's gone, no, but you still deserve to be alive just as much as everyone else. You matter so much Hallie. And if it is triggering that emotion in you, maybe it is time for you to put that away for now. I'm sorry for being so insensitive. I'm happy to listen. And it's great that there are people like Kavy here who can share in your feelings about him.
It's okay, no worries, just take care of yourself.
Hallie wrote: "I idolised him - I still do. It's killing me that he is dead and I'm still alive. I'm idiotic because listening to that makes me want to kill myself. I'll reply to the rest later."
same I love him, and I can't listen to Linkin Park anymore without missing him. But I still listen to him. But he's still alive in our hearts and his music.
He reminds me of me - how he smiled and laughed with his family just days before he committed suicide. It's not that he's dead that upsets me; it's that he was given a chance to die.
And that I feel suicidal doesn't help.
Maybe I shouldn't come on Friday and Saturday.
Do you want to go to the event on Friday and Saturday? I'd try listing down the pros and cons. I know the feeling of becoming a seventh wheel and stuff like that, but who knows, maybe they wouldn't mind since it's supposed to be a big event, so why not go together? If people are inviting others, soon the circle will become big enough (actually depends on how many they're inviting) that no ones gets left out. Although I don't know what they're thinking. But it all comes down to whether you're comfortable or not.
Cons:
• I'll be wandering the campus like an unwanted lost puppy
• I won't have anything to do
• I won't eat even though my parents will load me with cash
• Then I'll lie that I had a list of food that tasted 'okay'
• I'll feel more miserable
• I'll go back home and wish I had joined nerd school instead of this place
• I'd have wasted my time
Pros:
•
•
•
• None
Oh :( well, if there's nothing you can achieve from the event and you don't want to go, don't force yourself
Yeah, but my family thinks I should go.
I'm not going unless someone forces me, or I change my mind on the previous day.
Maybe I was wrong about the hand pain going away.....
Hallie, attempt to think of something positive time!I finally had the courage to ask a friend whether I could stalk her Instagram! :)
Trying to talk to myself here...... :/
Alia [permanent semi-hiatus] wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Alia [permanent semi-hiatus] wrote: "I understand. :( I hate that you feel so lonely otherwise. And I hope that soon, it won't feel that way. Lol it's totally cool!!! And yeah, old..."
You were still a pretty good at writing, then :) Haha xD My struggle to make him seem human! I initially thought of making him look like an insouciant robot, but he ended up reacting like that. I almost died of laughter when Corvus said something sarcastic and he condemned it, making me not regret that I made him abhor sarcasm.
I read it on my way to school! I was sitting there and whispering to myself: "You're so awesome, Alia!" while the vehicle keeping jumping up and down as though it was a trampoline. It was amazing! And very true. Crappy writer with interest in it speaking.
And I'm the kind that checks the grammatical errors, too (when I don't know the answers, I'm literally scanning every single sentence to insert punctuation xD Haha finally I have company! Use a magnifying glass if you have to, but I ain't writing bigger xP I think it was rubbish. She was probably impressed by the big words I put in for safety ;P We don't have much to right this year, so I'm stealing chances outside. Well, good thing school isn't the only place we get to write :)
You are not definitely not insane! Oh my goodness, I'd love to read anything written by you! :)
Aww thanks! :) Lol I read his character sheet and did that on purpose XD That was the best roleplay! That Corvus is gone though.. omg. Hallie. I just had an idea of making an AU thread for Corvus and Patrick. An I crazy, or am I crazy? XDThank you so much! I'm feeling really selfish but I love it so much omg. I feel like memorizing it and saying it to myself in my head at school when I'm facing hard times. You are not crappy!!! You are a great writer. And it might be that neither one of us fit the real writer guidelines but we won't stop trying to get there, right? XD
I actually read it out loud because I need to practice a presentation for a class that's worth a ton of points and I'm so scared, not only to present it, but to speak to the empty air.. lol I was trying to warm up and ease my nerves XD
Me too haha!! I disregard strict grammar when I message others and in roleplay, but otherwise... yay!!! Same I know XD Well I don't feel that bad, because I don't think any of my teachers have vision problems. It probably wasn't, but I feel you there. I try to make the flow so good that people are just roped in XD So I'm not the only one! My parents are not happy because they had to write a lot for school and they know I'm a writer who would like to do it more often instead of busy work. They don't know Corvus though XD Exactly! I'm reading 1984 for the second time and the poor main character thinks he's going to get imprisoned just for writing in a journal. That would be horrible!
Thank you for the reassurance and encouragement! It means a lot. And same here :)
I don't think most people in real life would guess the extent to which I write XD
:) Patrick wants to curse you, but I think you're a genius! xP Yeah, and I doubt we will get him back. The new version of him seems so depressed that I feel like sending Bell over to hug him. Oh my goodness, Alia! You're evil! :D But I love it! That would be so much fun!If I were to write such an amazing post, I'd be pretty proud of it, too :) I still think I'm crappy, but hehe, maybe that's true.
Presentations are my worst enemies! xD That's a nice warm up trick and honestly more motivating than what I tried to do.
Lol xD Some of my teachers do, and they literally beg me to write a little bigger. I'm trying to trick them into misunderstanding my answers xP That is my secret technique lol. My parents don't know I'm a writer (I can't understand how they don't!), and I don't think they will ever dream of me being one even though I aspire to become a writer. They don't know anything about roleplay, either, although I don't mind keeping that a secret ;P I've read that! I agree: I wouldn't be able to bear that!
:D You're welcome! Haha xD
Here I was sulking in the corner of the bus, at the verge of cutting, and suddenly everyone just started talking with each other - including me - and now I'm just so glad I met these people!
Sorry Hals, I'll try to get back to you before the week ends. I would have sooner but.. let's just say it's been a day, and especially an evening.
I'm going to bed and hoping for a better tomorrow.
I hope you feel better, too.
Oh it's fine, Alia! Take care! And thanks!
That minute when your friend says that attendance is mandatory on Friday and Saturday -_-
Ugh why?!?!?! There are no classes! Why the hell do we have to come?????
One of my friends just started a live video, and I want to watch it, but I'm stuck in class unable to understand what this Irish teacher is saying! I told my parents I want to take French! -_-
Wait I thought my Chemistry teacher was coming right now! Why has Madam 'casθ' come?
Okay I give up! I can't understand what she just read out or what she wrote on the board. This back desk is meant for me to not do Math today. I
Oh my goodness! My lab teacher put 'neat' on my diagram of a compound microscope!!!!!!
Friend: You should have stayed yesterday and met your old classmate.Me: I'm not coming.
Friend: What???!!!!
Friend: Hallie!!!!! Why?!?! Attendance is mandatory!!!
Me: *jaw drops* You're lying!
Friend: Ask anyone!
Seriously people? Seriously?
And my mum officially has two sick people to take care of: Dad and me.
Now I know how to entertain myself on the bus. Thanks!
I woke up coughing :/ I think I woke up my brother, too.
That's too bad...I hope you feel better soon! Take care of yourself *hugs*
Thanks Mays! I'm confused and hope I misconstrued that message, but Ben, I'm really upset and offended by that.
I'm going home before school officially ends!!!! :)
If that means you get to take a break then that's great :) sorry about the guitar thing though! But now you can curl up with books all day if you want
Lab Talk
So when I was in the lab, a friend of mine was sitting a little away from me and she smiled at me. Then she signalled 'Hey Hallie! You're all alone! Come here!' I said I was fine because I thought I'd interrupt her conversation with another friend (whom I've actually mentioned before as a very sweet person) Then after the teacher let us leave, I was packing my bag and both of them came to me. The first friend I mentioned, let's call her A because that's the first letter that popped to my head, said, "Hallie! You were alone! What's wrong? You look sad. Is something wrong?' At the same moment, the other friend (Um, Mary? I think that's her middle name), opened her mouth to get out the words, "She always looks- Nothing!" I noticed that. I replied, "Uh no, I'm fine! I'm just a little sick." A bought and asked Mary if she could repeat herself, and Mary said 'Nothing' again. So I helped. "I always look sad?" I didn't take amiss or anything - I like that girl a lot and whatever bad stuff anyone says about me is true. I just wanted to know how the people in my class see me. I am still new here. "Sometimes," she replied, hesitating. All the time. That's what was running in her mind.
However, I'm not mad at her; quite the contrary, actually. Firstly, she and of course, A, noticed I was sad. Mary observed me better, too. Secondly, she didn't wait for me to leave and say it. She was kind of reluctant to repeat it the second time, but that's because she thought I would be offended. I don't blame her. But initially, she did have the guts to say it in my face and that's something I admire.
Now what bothers me is that I hang out less with A than my other friends and even lesser with Mary because I don't know.... And yet the people I'm always around with at school never told me that. Candidly, I doubt they even notice.
And do I really look that sad every time?
Anyway, so we have the curtain raiser of tomorrow's event, which I need to attend because I have to submit some documents. I don't want to go!!!! Mum said I didn't have to if I was sick!!!! :( Yeah so our classes for over at 11:15, and I went to the auditorium, sat there for around 35 minutes saying, "No! I'll sit here and watch at least one programme after the hundreds I've skipped." I skip all the events here. Once we weren't allowed to go (they posted six teachers to prevent us from escaping), and I ran out work my friends from the bus through a different gate at the back that we are never supposed to use :) But I got so bored in there and the show had not even started. I saw one of those bus friends, then another, and from one end, signalled them ever they're going home. They're signalled back to meet them, and I abandoned my friends to go to them. Not like my friends are any fun to hang out with. They ignore me most of the time. They even let me go. So my bus mates and I walked out of the gates, went to the subway, and here I am in a bus to my house. I'll be there in about ten minutes :) I wonder if the show for over at school.....
May͛a wrote: "If that means you get to take a break then that's great :) sorry about the guitar thing though! But now you can curl up with books all day if you want"My plan won't work :( There is something important to hand over, so I need to go tomorrow. I'll just go there, show my face, look at the decorations, and take the next whatever means of transport I find first back home. Besides, they cancelled DJ night, so basically there's nothing to look forward to.
Hallie wrote: "Oh screw my life!"what? why?
Hallie wrote: "It's not worth living."No you should continue to live why would you say that? You're amazing!
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