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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
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by
Hallie
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Aug 28, 2017 09:19AM
Maybe not love me because I understand if people want to hate me, but at least a hug and: "Stay alive, Hal."
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Oh, right! I'm in so much trouble tomorrow, and I deliberately got that on me.
I want to sleep..... I couldn't sleep properly last night thanks to a bad dream :/ That dream got me want to beat myself up.
Can I please post something here? :)
Ahana~ wrote: "Can I please post something here? :)"You don't need permission to do that.
If it's the petition, go right ahead :)
GeekyFreakyScientist wrote: "Hallie wrote: "I think I have."A,B, or C?"
B.
Guys, it would be awesome if you would sign this! :) and spread the message!https://www.change.org/p/the-governme...
I just feel so bad for the North Korean people. It is the least I can do for them right now!
I have a few more! If you will like to see, I will give you the links! :)
GeekyFreakyScientist wrote: "Hallie wrote: "GeekyFreakyScientist wrote: "Hallie wrote: "I think I have."A,B, or C?"
B."
:D :) I made that one for you."
Well, it's not true for me. It really, really isn't.
Don't tell me to not die. I won't listen. I don't want to listen. I don't want to live.
Never Whisper A Secret Near Me
I feel so useless. So damn useless. And I think I'm going to enter the next level of cussing :/
I couldn't sleep last night, which is strange because I had a terrible dream the night before that didn't let me sleep, and I was extremely tired. However, I just couldn't sleep. I might have cried a little thinking about a few things, but I'm pretty sure I controlled myself before I ruined the night's sleep.
Around two hours after I woke up this morning, someone really sweet told me to have a good day, and I screwed up her wishes. I stumbled into her another two hours later, and she asked me whether my day was going good (probably because every time she asks me how my day was, I reply 'bad'), and I candidly said that it wasn't. Well, I was really, really stressed out. And what she told next surprised me: "Smile more often." I was like whaaaaaat?!?!?!?!
Here are the two major things I did have stopped haunting me right now if I had only opened my mouth and spoken something. It would have made one person's emotions better and two others' terrible, but that one person really looked like she deserved something nice. The other two don't. Call me biased, but both of them had a major attitude problem.
The first one was when I went to take a photocopy for something at school. Instead of sending my mum, I actually decided to do this myself and it was somewhere close to an ice cream shop where I was given all the right to eat as many ice creams as I want. So one girl who is probably or probably not older than me tried to pay the shopkeeper with a note I think isn't widely accepted now. I'm not sure why, but many places stopped accepting it - maybe they're releasing new ones, but basically no one wants it anymore. The shopkeeper, who was rather tensed because the shop was crowded and her partner had gone out for a break, replied that they wouldn't be able to accept it really politely. This girl stood right next to me, began to argue, and finally cussed at her and left. I could have told that girl about it and make her apologize, but I was scared that.... I don't know.... I was just too scared to speak. The poor shopkeeper felt so bad she couldn't stop thinking about it even after her partner came back and told her that it was fine. I could have relieved her tension, but I screwed up, and I'm so mad at myself for doing that to her.
On my way back home, I was stuck sitting next to a racist. The bus was talking about some guy who got arrested near my school for um, something rather disgusting. Someone mentioned that he had a wife and a child in Wales, and the person beside me said, "Ugh! Welsh?!" Her tone was so disrespectful! And then she continued, "I think all these Welsh people are ......" I was furious, not because she insulted my ethnicity, but because she was being racist. And then she looked around to see if any Welsh person had heard her, and told her friend as she pointed at me, "She's wearing earphones, so she can't hear." Number one: I'm deaf. Number two: I wasn't playing any music. I had just plugged it in, and hadn't opened the player yet. Number three: Even if I was playing it, I'd still have heard her since I'm right beside her and I have the natural ability of eavesdropping. Her friend asked, "What if she had paused the music?" She replied, "No, she's playing it. I can see it." Well, even if I'm deaf, she's certainly blind because I didn't open the music player and press a random song until after she uttered those words. I wanted to blast her, but I kept quiet because calling her a racist today might cause complications tomorrow. So I shut up, but there goes the little respect I had for her.
And I had a stressful day, my friends flaunted how they got something for 1/3rd the cost of what I paid for it when they refused to get one for me as well even though I begged them for days. I nearly got into trouble, almost deliberately burnt myself, and got back after all this really late. An entire day of loneliness because someone stole the people I usually hang out with.
Some good day I had.
But I ate an ice cream and helped a person who had to do her work all alone because no one wanted to help her. I just kept her company and told her that I don't mind doing it again (that's when I almost burnt myself, but that's my problem), but she is a really good person and I saw myself in her when she said she was doing it alone. I'm just mad that no one wanted to be with her when she's really an extremely sweet person. What a waste of their "gregariousness"!
First of all, you're not useless. I think it was very kind of you helping the person do her work when no one else would. I suggest befriending her - as for the people you used to hang out with, sadly people move in different crowds as time goes by. I'm sure you'll meet people who'll be even better friends. I just feel sorry for that racist person for her ignorance; don't get me started on how rude she was. It's just sad because there are so many people in this world like that, don't surround yourself with them. That uncivilized little.......As for her friend asking if she'd paused the music, that is the dumbest question ever. I'm punching my keyboard keys right now. As angry as I feel, I understand why you chose to keep quiet. Standing up to them is an option, but it comes along with drama. I've had that experience before, and for some reason these people just don't find the fault in their words.
I could have done something, but I didn't. Well, she did sort of ask if I could hold something, but it's basically repaying some kindness she gave me a week ago. My friends just didn't bother about me, but she and her friend seemed interested why I was all alone. They both made me not cry during the programme. Oh, I hope I never see her again! There have been other complaints about her like she didn't want the window of a stuffy car open because the wind would mess with her hair, but I didn't expect this from her. I actually wanted to say that I heard her when I got off, but she was fast asleep, so maybe when officially school starts (we have a couple of orientation programmes right now) and I shift to the other house, I'll let her know how sick she makes me. That way, no drama.
I want to reply to my roleplays right now because it's most prudent as my schedule tomorrow may or may not be packed. But I don't feel well mentally. I mean I'm talking and doing things over and over again :( It's just disturbing.
Maybe I should do it on Saturday..... Sorry Jingle and Mays! :( Sleep deprived, just had a bad day version of Hallie is just as stupid as normal Hallie.
Don't force yourself with rps, do what makes you feel better. It's sweet of that girl and her friend to be caring, and I'm glad they were present. I hope the other orientations go well. Mess with her hair?? Don't bother with her, she doesn't deserve your attention. Talking sense to them is a waste of time. I don't think people in their right heads would tolerate her for too long, I hope the others don't side with her in things just because they don't want to get on her bad side.
I'm sorry you met with such a disagreeable person Hallie :( I don't know how human beings like this even exist, and whether or not you choose to tell her it's your decision. I think it's great you found that girl though :) She and her friend both seem great!PS Don't worry about the Kitchen rp focus on rl Hallie *hugs*
Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need a hug?"Also it's probably good you didn't say something on the bus. It would likely not have improved the situation or her opinion in any way. Then again I am not a confrontational person, so... *shrugs* Either way, don't beat yourself up for keeping quiet when everyone else did too (Im assuming), especially when the girl herself should have kept quiet
Okie dokie! Now I feel guilty for postponing. It's annoying that the rest of my 'classmates' don't pay much attention to her. She apologized thousand times to me because she didn't know it was my birthday even though she didn't have to. I mean, we know each other for around a month, and the two of us never even had team work together. A few more, and I'll be starting again 😨😱 I know right? I just want to say something because the way she told it - it just sounded so.... um, prejudicial. I don't know how the others feel about her, but two people were pretty mad at her one day.
Jingle ❀彡 wrote: "I'm sorry you met with such a disagreeable person Hallie :( I don't know how human beings like this even exist, and whether or not you choose to tell her it's your decision. I think it's great you ..."I want to knock in some sense into her, but I'll do that on my last day in that bus. Or if she decides to attack me or anyone I care about. Yep, she's sweet, so I'm trying to get to know her better :)
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need a hug?"Also it's probably good you didn't say something on the bus. It would likely not have improved the situation or her opinion in any way. Then aga..."
Aw thanks!
I guess you're right, but I hate not being able to defend someone or something I think it's being underestimated. Three people including me heard it, and the other two were her friends. Others have done it before (spoken out against something wrong), and it's haunting me like, "How could you just let her say something like that without flashing your penknife at her?"
Now I'm sleepy! Screw you, sleep! Come blur my vision when I don't want you, and leave me up all night when I really need you.
Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need a hug?"Also it's probably good you didn't say something on the bus. It would likely not have improved the situation..."
Yeah. I wish I was there in person to give a hug. That is legit the question I would ask if I was there. Imagine if we had hug versions of Howlers. :O That would be awesome.
It sucks, sure, but imagine how much worse her view would be if you actually had flashed your penknife? Lol, you remind me of my husband with your desire to protect and defend. But really, don't let it drag on you. It happened and that's that. Now you can take this as a chance to decide how you would react the next time this scenario may happen. It's part of a learning process. No harm done. Do you think every person who speaks out against something wrong does it the first time or every time? Nope...
Why don't you take a nap then? Naps make the world wonderful. That and cake. Cake helps as well
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need a hug?"Also it's probably good you didn't say something on the bus. It would likely not have improve..."
That would be amazing! Except I'd be sending a dozen to each of friends here xP
I don't really care what people think of me when I do that. Mess with something I like, you'll pay. Better get that drilled in your head, or I won't hesitate to do worse. Yeah, I'm a violent person that way. The way she spoke... Maybe I'll forget it if I get some sleep.
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Why don't you take a nap then? Naps make the world wonderful. That and cake. Cake helps as well"And I like neither. I don't like taking naps unless I have a fever, and cake makes me get some strange reaction in my throat.
Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need a hug?"Also it's probably good you didn't say something on the b..."
Well you'd be receiving dozens in return, so that works!!!
Seriously though. It should be a thing. I mean, they have companies where you can send people elephant shit (oooh that would be a fun way to get back at the girl. She spoke a bunch of shit so shit is what she recieved XD ). There's even a company which will write a message on a potato and mail it to who you want. XD Next step needs to be a Howler style hug. XD
That's totally cool and respectable. Again, my man is the same way. He did a lot of violent things in the past to bad people. Doesn't make it right because there's always a better and more peaceful way, but yeah. He's a pacifist now. He's still a strong person who has a strong defensive streak, but over time he had to stop being who he was because it was tearing him apart. He came to realize there is always a peaceful or less extreme alternative. He is terrified that someday he will hurt someone because he knows full well what he is capable of. Its not a pretty sight. Mild things are fine, but remember to keep yourself safe and think before you act. Maybe you could be in law enforcement or a lawyer someday.
Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Why don't you take a nap then? Naps make the world wonderful. That and cake. Cake helps as well"And I like neither. I don't like taking naps unless I have a fe..."
Im not actually a fan of naps either. My man loves them, though. Hmm...chocolate?
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need a hug?"Also it's probably good you didn't say som..."
Just a handful.
What?! There's something like that?!?! Why didn't you tell me before? I have to send that to half the people I've met xP Howler style hugs would be so sweet! I can't even imagine how happy I'd be if I received one like that.
Oh, gosh! I sound like your man? Although I think I'm different from him. I'm more of the delinquent type who might or might not have murdered a couple of people, and I used to be a peaceful person before. It didn't work, so I began walking around with knives. I'll try to keep that in my head :) Haha I so suck at law. I have a cousin who's studying to become a lawyer, and she once told something she had to study, and I said, "I never want to get into law!" Arguing rationally isn't my thing.
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Why don't you take a nap then? Naps make the world wonderful. That and cake. Cake helps as well"And I like neither. I don't like taking naps unl..."
My brother loves them, too! Not a huge fan of that either. I'm a really picky person, right?
Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need a hug?"Also i..."
Yeah, it's totally a thing! Google it!!
Note to self: Invent Howler hugs and send one to Hallie
Um, yeah that's him to. He won't tell me all he has done. (ok I edited this comment and removed it. Hopefully you read it first. We can always switch to pm if you'd rather.)
Law enforcement then?
Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Why don't you take a nap then? Naps make the world wonderful. That and cake. Cake helps as well"And I like n..."
Nothing wrong with picky. Hmm.... pizza? Bacon?
Hallie wrote: "Oh crap!"What's up?
Also if you have a texting app or something we can totally add eachother on it. I would say we could swap phone numbers instead but idk if either of us could afford that because Im guessing you aren't in the States. But if you want someone you can contact and just vent to at any time and in a more private location, I would feel honored to be the one you rant to
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Dude, idk what all to say other than, "Need ..."You don't have to tell me xD
Well, I wasn't able to read it, but if you're not comfortable posting it in public, I really don't mind not knowing it. Law enforcement.... I don't know...
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Why don't you take a nap then? Naps make the world wonderful. That and cake. Cake helps as well..."Once again, I despise both.
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Oh crap!"What's up?"
I made a huge mistake.
Lynx ~ 10/1 Never Forgetten wrote: "Also if you have a texting app or something we can totally add eachother on it. I would say we could swap phone numbers instead but idk if either of us could afford that because Im guessing you are..."Yep, sharing phone numbers won't work well because we're in both different continents. Honestly, I spend so long here I don't use anything else.
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