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[Hallie]

The Flames of Depression

I'm so darn annoyed! *tears out hair* Why? Let's start with I was accepted into the new school, but my dad sort of argued with the office members in front of me, and I was like, "Uhhhhhh ummm uhhh!" Yeah, I didn't know whom to side because both the sides were wrong. I'm supposed to go tomorrow and meet the principal, hand in the documents, and pay the fee. I hope nothing goes wrong! I don't think my parents like that school any better than my present one :/ And it's an all girls school which is driving me nuts because it's going to be weird not being surrounded by boys after having them for my entire school life. Besides, I'm like a tomboy, so uhhhh!!!

Next, I'm also leaving to my grandparents place tomorrow and I don't know when I'll be back. My grandma has a severe back ache and other health problems, and my grandpa just wants to see my mum. And since I have a couple of achievements that will make them proud, I'm being dragged away too. The problem is I don't like it there because of the climate, the food, the water (the water tastes terrible!!!! Seriously! I'm the only one who says that, but honestly, Wales has terrible drinking water!) I also don't know when I'll be back, but I have a lot of days off for school anyway, so I won't miss anything. Another problem is of we start for more than five days, it might be that time of the month for me :/ Bloody hell!

I came on Goodreads, and ta-daa!!! One more thing to be depressed about. In my bookclub, I had slight trouble with a certain member. I thought I cleared it all up with an apology, but now he's getting even more on my nerves. There is this game called 'The first thing that comes to your head when I say....' So this member said this:

Red Garnet
Turquoise Emerald
Pink Ruby
Yellow Topaz
Blue Sapphire
Orange Amber
Cyan Zircon
Black Onyx
Green Peridot
Purple Amethyst
Gold Pearl
Silver Diamond
Violet Tourmaline
Navy Tanzanite
Teal Gem

Alright how can that be the first thing that comes to your head? It can't. No. Maybe red garnet will, but not the whole list. So I told him to make it short because I don't want others to look at that as an example and play the game wrong, but he told me that it's not in the rules and don't even bother arguing. Well, guess what? If he doesn't say what I expect him to say, I'll not even going to argue. There is a button called 'delete member', and I know exactly how to use it. This isn't the first time I've been mad at him. I don't care if it's abusing my power or not - I think he's causing trouble in my group.

And my mum's being..... I won't say it! I won't say it! It's just if I don't die soon, don't expect me to be around when she needs help to climb stairs 10 years from now. I'm bidding farewell forever.

[Hallie]

Oh, and last night I had a dream. I had trouble sleeping, but when I finally fell asleep, I had this weird dream where a bunch of men attacked some men protecting me. They killed my bodyguards, got in my car; one of them pulled me outside and said that I have a choice either to come quietly, or they'd have to take me away the hard way. Guess why? Fifty points to Ravenclaw if anyone guesses it right!!!

Well, it was to take me away from my family. I was being adopted by someone in my dream!!!! He wasn't a really good man, but I wasn't sad. Uh, I want to write more, but I need to go right now. I'll explain more tomorrow if I'm free. Until then, fell free to comment!

[Hallie]

Quick update: I'm now officially transferring to a new school for the next year. And I won't be on a lot because I'm off to my grandparents :'( I hope I can come back soon!

[Hallie]

89 stalkers!!! 😱 Qu'est-ce qui se passe ici? Okay, I have the feeling there is something wrong with that sentence....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Awww :( I'll miss you Hallie *hugs*

[٠●♥Ｈａｒｔ♥●٠]

Hallie wrote: "89 stalkers!!! 😱 Qu'est-ce qui se passe ici? Okay, I have the feeling there is something wrong with that sentence...."

I feel like commenting that just because we open your journal doesn't mean we're stalkers. It was an unread discussion and I was curious. :p

[Haaley]

Good point

[kavi ~he-him~]

Hey Hallie *hugs*

[Hallie]

♥ℋungry♥ ℋart♥ wrote: "Hallie wrote: "89 stalkers!!! 😱 Qu'est-ce qui se passe ici? Okay, I have the feeling there is something wrong with that sentence...."

I feel like commenting that just because we open your journal ..."

Haha xD You're absolutely right! I only say that because I've got extremely low self-esteem, and it makes me feel less likely when I say that - even though I know I'm only lying to myself.

[Hallie]

Home Sweet Home

Ten days! I stayed there for ten darn days! I actually don't remember what I did every single day, but I'll try reconnecting my memories for the important events. This is going to get really confusing because I've got a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, and I never bothered to explain my family tree before. My mum is the youngest of five (My dad's the youngest of three; I'm the youngest of two xP). I'll try explaining along the way.

On the first day, my grandma's condition looked sad. I felt really bad because my maternal grandparents are really sweet, and I've always liked them over my dad's parents. Grandma was on the bed forever, and she couldn't even get up. She has a severe back ache, and she's bent like a hunch back. My grandparents were overjoyed that my mum was back. As usual, I'm the liability, but they seemed happy that I study well *cough cough* My favourite cousin who lives 2 minutes away was at her mum's place, so I was bored death. Since we didn't have a charger and I had nothing to do, I went to my aunt's house across the street (Mum's eldest sister), where my eldest cousin sister along with her two sons were staying until the end of the month. I watched TV with my nephew for a while until my cousin's brother came with his daughter. After that niece watched little bit of TV, her parents made her play with her cousins, so guess who went mad making sure they didn't fall of the walls, or ingest sand? Later, my dad's brother and wife came to see grandma, and they came to my aunt's house to see me. They ended up talking with everyone in the house except me and those kids. Ha ha! I didn't know until the wife told me that my favourite cousin was back home. Couldn't anyone have called me from grandpa's?!?!?! I had two phones with me! So I then ran back home and tried to explain the story of our phones to mum, and grandma pointed at my cousin (let's call her M), and asked, "Do you know her?" And then we all laughed. Of course! She's the only reason why I don't say, "Take me to Wales and I'll kill myself!" So M and I got to hang out only for a little while that day.

The next day, while I was in the bath, my dad's sister and husband came to visit. They were in a hurry, but waited until I came out to see me. And apparently I'm taller *yawns* Yeah, I was stuck baby-sitting my 6 year old cousin since M went out with mum (or did this happen the next day?), and then M's friend came to play while she was out. So I kept her company. My little cousin, M's brother, scratched the friend.... Then M and I fixed her broken 5x5 Rubik's cube which our nephew had accidentally dropped once. Whew! That was the hardest thing ever! Later, M and I were looking at some pictures when I saw a picture and asked whether it was my cousin in London. She replied that it was her brother, N's wife. I was like, "I've never seen her!" I couldn't attend their wedding even though that was the wedding I was looking forward too the most :( Few minutes later, we looked out of the window to see N's dad walking to the front door, and a car coming behind him. We were like, "Speak of the Devil, and here comes the Devil!" The minute N and his wife got out, M said that we just spoke about them. N greeted us both with one hit each on our backs. Nice brother, right? It was just a playful hit, so please don't misconstrue his intentions: he's actually pretty awesome, and I know it because he lived with me from a year or so. And then I finally saw his wife! :) And we fooled around a bit, teasing N, while he kept playing on his mobile phone, acting all bonkers. His wife knows he acts crazy, M knows, and since he did live with us for a while, I know it, so he said it's no problem embarrassing himself in front of us xD

Then the third day, my dad's aunt visited with her husband. We call her "Mummummy" (Blame it on my cousins! I have nothing to do with that ridiculous name! xD) She looked at the house instead of the sick person. That evening (I think), N and his wife came to drop off his mother here. Again, it was all teasing each other. I slept with N's mother that night because my mum thinks I get disturbed whenever they switch on the light during the night for grandma. Not at all! I sleep like a grizzly bear! xD

The next morning, N's mum, my mum, and grandma went to England to a hospital. My uncle (mum's brother; M's father) went, too, but he came back the same evening. So I had to stay at M's place as only grandpa and me would be alone at home. And oh, M's brother threw a rubber toy with a huge force at me in front of grandpa. It hit me just above the eye, and grandpa was nowhere near pleased with him. In the evening, M and I sneaked out and came back late because we were watching a movie on uncle's laptop xP That night four of us slept in the hall. I managed to wake up not that late in the morning, though.

The next morning, I went back to grandpa's to get my stuff and had to come back. I taught M to solve a 2x2 Rubik's cube, played, watched TV, tried to teach M another language (lol). We had to babysit the kid again, and my mum finally called me in the afternoon. Everyone kept asking me whether she did. That night, only M and I slept down in her room because there were some scary insects in the hall, and my uncle complained of a back pain.

And the next day, I was going to be really really bored because they were going back to school. I was just talking to my aunt, and guess who came? My second favourite cousin! She's exacting four years older than me, and both of us share the same birth date! So she kept me company, and I no longer had to eat at my aunt's. I went back to grandpa's and came only in the evening to collect my things. They were coming back from the hospital that day! Finally! We waited until 8:40 or something for them to arrive! They left late from there. Then my cousin left (she didn't have uni for some reason she wasn't very clear about), and I had dinner after 9! Ahhhhh!!!!!

N came to pick his mother up the next day, and my sister-in-law (?) agreed to cut my hair (yay!!!!) She's really nice! We would have cut it the same day, but M's mother would not give her scissors, so N's mum said they'd come back with a pair of scissors from their house.

We went to dad's house the next day. Since my aunt moved out of the house, only my dad's brother and "Mummumy" were there. My dad's brother's wife and Mummumy have a cantering business, so they were busy with that. They insisted that we eat from there, but since they were not finished, my uncle took us to buy umbrellas for my brother and me, then to the mill, and then went back when we visited M's mother's sister, who just had a baby. From there, we went back to dad's place where we got food both to eat there as well as to take home. It was stuffing!

The next afternoon, I was reading a book on my phone, and N's wife entered the room I was in and asked what I was reading. When I saw her, I was like wow! They had gone to a wedding before coming here, so she wore a pretty dress, and she looked so beautiful! Then after lunch, it was the hair cutting ceremony. My mum was being irritating! She literally went around telling everyone that my hair was being cut, and even showed everyone the cut hair! Ugh! It's annoying! Everyone kept watching, and I wanted to cut my mum into different pieces. My grandma and mum's eldest sister were really sad because I had long hair. I actually wanted to cut it till my shoulders, but people here including my mum wouldn't let me :(

And finally the day arrived! I was coming back!!! M went to school so b o r e d! My grandma even forgot that I was here because I make no noise! Oh, I forgot the important thing: She looked a lot better! She could walk on her own, and even went to see something outside! The pain still remains, though. The results of the test haven't come yet, but I've got to go back to school on 9th. My grandpa was really sad that mum was going, but I was so happy!!!!!!!!! Also, I got an expensive pen from one of my uncles :)

So this morning, I'm back home!!!! The internet was acting weird there, so I couldn't come on at all :( How much I missed everyone here!

Now the general problems there that I faced everyday are:
• Food - It tastes different, and not one bit nice! How do people eat there?!?!?!?
• Water - This is worse! It smells odd, and tastes disgusting! Bleeehhhh! I didn't even feel like brushing my teeth every morning because eeeewwwww!!!
• People - People there are annoying! Most of them! And they keep pointing out I eat, and how I'm such a picky eater. Here I am minding my own business, and 'Hallie, what do you even eat? We'll have to search for some rare food online!'
• Insignificant me: As if home, school, online wasn't enough, I'm pretty insignificant there as well. They barely even remember my existence because I'm always quietly sitting in my room. Grandpa repeatedly checks whether I'm alive xD And he tells everyone that I'm no bother.
• Acne problem - I've got a lot of acne already, but when I go there, more come on, and people there point that out. Oh, and they like talking about my vampire teeth.

So sorry I'm ugly, and not a beautiful princess like the rest of the girls in the family....

And that was how my visit went.

[Hallie]

My throat doesn't feel well. I might get a cold in the next few days :( Also, I drank a carbonated drink and kept singing like crazy (it sounds worse than terrible! :( ) today.

[blue]

Hallie wrote: "My throat doesn't feel well. I might get a cold in the next few days :( Also, I drank a carbonated drink and kept singing like crazy (it sounds worse than terrible! :( ) today."

I'm sorry. I always drink warm water? It kinda helps my throat so I can talk a bit when I have a cold :(

[Hallie]

blue wrote: "Hallie wrote: "My throat doesn't feel well. I might get a cold in the next few days :( Also, I drank a carbonated drink and kept singing like crazy (it sounds worse than terrible! :( ) today."

I'm..."

Yep, that's what I'm trying right now, but unpacking is hectic, so heading the water is often forgotten :(

[kavi ~he-him~]

HALLIE

[Hallie]

KAVY!!!!!!!!!

[Hallie]

93 stalkers xD

And I hit 1000 read books! :)

[blue]

Hallie wrote: "blue wrote: "Hallie wrote: "My throat doesn't feel well. I might get a cold in the next few days :( Also, I drank a carbonated drink and kept singing like crazy (it sounds worse than terrible! :( )..."

Ah :( I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon, Hallie

[Hallie]

blue wrote: "Hallie wrote: "blue wrote: "Hallie wrote: "My throat doesn't feel well. I might get a cold in the next few days :( Also, I drank a carbonated drink and kept singing like crazy (it sounds worse than..."

Aw thanks, Blue! I really want to be able to practice singing.

[blue]

Hallie wrote: "blue wrote: "Hallie wrote: "blue wrote: "Hallie wrote: "My throat doesn't feel well. I might get a cold in the next few days :( Also, I drank a carbonated drink and kept singing like crazy (it soun..."

I'm sure it'll get better soon :) No problem

[[deleted user]]

Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another Hallie before that spelled it the same way!!

[Hallie]

Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another Hallie before that spelled it the same way!!"

Yay finally! xD I haven't seen anyone else with the same spelling, too, so I'm so glad! :)

[[deleted user]]

Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another Hallie before that spelled it the same way!!"

Yay finally! xD I haven't seen anyone else with the same sp..."

I actually met someone who spells it like that but she pronounces it like Hailey!! Do you pronounce it like Halle Berry? Haha sorry if this is really random lol

[Hallie]

Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another Hallie before that spelled it the same way!!"

Yay finally! xD I haven't seen anyone else w..."

Really? I pronounce it like Ha-lee. Here's an audio. I guess it is pronounced the same way as Halle Berry, but I'm not very sure. I didn't even know who that was until recently xP Haha it's fine xD Random talks don't bother me here.

[[deleted user]]

Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another Hallie before that spelled it the same way!!"

Yay finally! ..."

That's exactly how my sister pronounces it!! Haha so funny. She also has red hair (like me) so she looks like Lindsey Lohan from Parent Trap whose name is Hallie in the movie lol!!

[Hallie]

Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another Hallie before that spelled it the same way!!"..."

If I was alone at home, I'd be screaming my head of! Finally someone! I see many Hailey's, but no one this was! Wow that's such a funny coincidence! xD The only thing I had in common with Hallie in that movie was the stuffed toy, Cuppy :D I'm Annie with dark hair!

[[deleted user]]

Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another Hallie before ..."

Ahhhhh oh my gosh!!! Because of that movie I'm obsessed with oreos and peanut butter haha! Also I saw one of your old posts and I saw that you have the 'INTJ' personality type and I took that test at school this year and I got that too!!!!

[Hallie]

Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hallie too! I've never seen another..."

I can relate with oreos!!! :D I never liked peanut butter, so I found that weird lol. Oh my goodness, yay again!!!!!! It's not easy to find many of that type!

[[deleted user]]

Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister's name is Hall..."

Oooh you're just like one of my best friends, she hates peanut butter! She can't even be around a person eating it because she hates the smell :P. And I know that's such a coincidence!! Originally I had ISTJ but then after a couple of more tests the people conducting the test said that I was way more INTJ :)

[Hallie]

Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hey my sister..."

Haha I'm the same! xD I can't stand the smell, but I can't stand the smell of almost every food item that exists in this world. Initially, I got INTP, but after few more tests, I could confirm I'm INTJ.

[[deleted user]]

Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call ..."

Hahaha this so so weird!!! Our lives are so similar lol!!

[Hallie]

"Sometimes I think we're the brightest stars
And I try to believe we'll find a way
Will life change, will our hearts turn colder?

All the rhythms in my heart lift me up inside
We can stay out of the trouble is it worth the blame?
Is it true that the more you give the more they take?
All the rhythms in my heart lift me up and say"

~ All My Love, Major Lazer ft. Ariana Grande

[Hallie]

Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Harlow (call me tabby) wrote: "Hallie wrote:..."

Hehe yes! :D I'm so glad I got to meet you!

[Hallie]

You Can See I'm Not Sweet Now

Before I went away, I did mention about a member in the book club that I moderate getting on my nerves towards the end of this post. Well, now the problem is that he keeps deleting his posts immediately after someone replies, making the conversations confusing and threads out of order. It's really annoying me. I did explain this to him, but I do hope he doesn't get angry. I'll put his reason and my explanation in spoilers at the end of this if anyone wants to tell me that I'm a rude "witch" without a different letter in the beginning.

Well, even if he does, that will just add on to the list of reasons why I will block him pretty soon if he doesn't stop. I've received messages concerning him.

(view spoiler)[He: "I think it is good that way. I think it makes the discussions much more neater. What do I want with my old ones? I like to keep my messages clean and tidy."

And arrogant me: "*looks around to see if anyone else read this* Actually (well, personally), I think it's the contrary: it makes the discussions more messier. No one else does that, and it looks more like everyone is talking to themselves. Sometimes there are important details in those comments, and can't be viewed for further reference. Also, it makes unread discussions go berserk by showing the wrong number of unread comments. It's also very confusing - both in the games as well as other discussions. Besides, those who'd like to read the conversation afterwards can't make proper sense out of it. Leaving them as they are once posted is not going to do you any harm whatsoever. You don't have any limit over comments, so I don't even see the point in doing so. Basically, it is not very good that way, does not make discussions neater in any way as you like to believe, nor is it doing the whole group in general any favour. Hence, I want to kindly request you to refrain from doing so it future." (hide spoiler)]

[Hallie]

I feel so lonely and depressed.... I tried to go on Chatzy, but everyone left when I came on :/ As usual, everyone goes away when I come....

[Hallie]

Guess who's back? The self-loathing, self-harming and suicidal me....... Thanks Dad! I hope you don't mind if I use one of your razor blades.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Hallie wrote: "You Can See I'm Not Sweet Now

Before I went away, I did mention about a member in the book club that I moderate getting on my nerves towards the end of this post. Well, now the problem is that he ..."

You weren't being rude Hallie *hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

Hallie wrote: "Guess who's back? The self-loathing, self-harming and suicidal me....... Thanks Dad! I hope you don't mind if I use one of your razor blades."

Hallie no, don't do it!!!

[Hallie]

❄️Princess Kavy of BVBarmy/Books/Music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "Hallie wrote: "You Can See I'm Not Sweet Now

Before I went away, I did mention about a member in the book club that I moderate getting on my nerves towards the end of this post. Well, now the prob..."

I hope so...

[Hallie]

❄️Princess Kavy of BVBarmy/Books/Music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Guess who's back? The self-loathing, self-harming and suicidal me....... Thanks Dad! I hope you don't mind if I use one of your razor blades."

Hallie no, don't do it!!!"

Well, my dad needs to learn that he isn't the "perfect" father he thinks he is; my mum, too.

Besides, I'm almost non-existent. No one remembers me, no one sees me when I'm right in front of their eyes, no one cares. Unfortunately, I'm not insured (see, even sisters should be insured, but just parents!), so maybe the school fee has gone to a waste, but look on the bright side, everyone in the family gets to save money that they have to spend on me soon.

[Hallie]

All right it's high time I go to a mental asylum! I want to be locked away there diagnosed with some incurable disease.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Hallie, WE care for you. I love you so much <333333333333 *hugs*

[Hallie]

❄️Princess Kavy of BVBarmy/Books/Music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "Hallie, WE care for you. I love you so much <333333333333 *hugs*"

*hugs back* I love you, too, but I feel lonely, Kavy. I think you can understand, but everywhere I'm neglected - even online these days, and I'm sick of it. Just sick of being me.

[Hallie]

"So hey, we brought our drum and this is how we dance
No mistakin', we make our breaks, if you don't like our 808s
Then leave us alone, 'cause we don't need your policies
We have no apologies for being"

~ Wild Things, Alessa Cara

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm sorry Hallie.....but no matter what happens you've still got me

[Hallie]

I have a bad feeling about that, Kavy... I don't know how to explain it, though.

[Hallie]

To-do List

• Work on aesthetic journal
• Read through Death Eater Meeting, and post Aria's and Lucy's death mark (Aria's - Bat; think of which part of hand; Lucy - think of what and where)
• Right school! Take notes -_-
• Bullet journal decoration
• Brainstorm for new roleplay group
• Try to not plan suicide
• Stay away from Chatzy -_- Failed

[Hallie]

Uh, I might be harassing that member! I'm such a terrible moderator!

[kavi ~he-him~]

you're not Hallie

[Hallie]

Looks like I am.

[kavi ~he-him~]

You aren't Hallie!!