it's personal discussion
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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
please don't lose it! i would miss it so very much!
Well, it's not very stable anyway in order to not lose it, I would either have to run away back to London, or hang myself from a tree. The latter seems more pragmatic right now.
Oh wait! Practical solution to my problems that you guys will not object.I could run away to Japan and teach English there :)
london sounds like fun. do that.
Light bulb moment! I don't need real friends. Well, I don't want them and I don't need them. I have you guys and I have my imaginary ones. My life is a mess even without real ones.
ɱค૭૭ɿ૯ wrote: "london sounds like fun. do that."Hehe it is pretty rainy there and then I go to school there, but at least I like the city.
But stupid Hallie brought no cash, so unless I steal from mum or grandma or one of my aunts, I'm stuck here till next week.
Me: *reads Lillian's and Maggie's journals and sees stuff about crushes and exs*Me: I don't understand any of this!
oh my goodness, it's actually terrible. i hate having crushes!
Apparently I'm not normal because I don't and never had any? But glad to know I'm the lucky one xD
It is Thursday for me, but I'm coming back on Tuesday. Need to time travel because this place is boring!!!
Wait a minute!
i believe i was quite fortunate
I'd beg to differ. All you get to see is preposterous trash, self-loathing arguements, most likely grammatically incorrect spam and some sensible stuff posted by people that are not me.
things i see on hallie's journal:
.wonderful friends
.talk of far away places i hope to visit soon
.peace, love, and understanding
.talk of glorious books!
Peace, love and understanding????? I'm the most violent person there is on this journal, so thank you other people for nullifying that!
I realized I have six days to write my story. And I have no plot.
Hallie wrote: "Peace, love and understanding????? I'm the most violent person there is on this journal, so thank you other people for nullifying that!"hallie, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. you are extremely understanding of, at the very least, my problems and think you are an amazing person.
ɱค૭૭ɿ૯ wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Peace, love and understanding????? I'm the most violent person there is on this journal, so thank you other people for nullifying that!"hallie, you are so much more than you give y..."
I'll try not to argue because it will go on forever.
i'm serious, you are amazing, and i wish you could see that about yourself. it's a real bummer that you think so poorly of yourself because you're so kind.
To be honest, maybe I am kind. But not always. Not most of the time. I'm almost always rude to everyone else, but candidly I learnt to be more diplomatic and less judgemental on here only because I got kicked out of a group once because I was being really cold and annoying. It was not very sincere initially, but eventually I started liking people here and making friends a lot more easier than in real. I lost friends too, so I need to hold on to the ones I have. I need to be nice to you. Sometimes I think it's less genuine and more compelled on here because I need you all to compensate the number of people who hate me in real life even though I really love you guys.And I'm really not a nice person. If you type my name in the search box of this group and go to some of the oldest posts with my name on it, you might find a person who I annoyed the hell out of. Don't even get me started with the stuff in real life!
hallie i sincerely hope you don't feel like you have to be nice to me. i mean, while i try to spread the idea of being kind to people, i don't want you to feel like you have to be fake around me. you don't ever need to feel like you have to impress anyone, least of all me. being genuine towards people will always end with you being surrounded by people who genuinely care about you.another thing, being annoying and not being nice are two very different things. i'm so extremely annoying, yet i think i'm a nice person. i like to think of my kindness as one of my greatest qualities, but i get annoying quite quickly to people. you don't have to be super cool to be nice. they aren't mutually exclusive.
i feel like, if you weren't a nice person on this site, you wouldn't be making too many friends, and you have so many people who care about you and like talking to you on your journalall the time. sometimes i think being you would be exhausting :p but you're always very kind and make sure to respond to each and every comment.
real life really sucks. i think we all think that a little bit. you're stuck with all the crap out there and most of it isn't your fault so i don't think you should blame yourself for that bad things that happen out there all the time. you're a victim of circumstance.
I read my previous post, and I should have this. You all here are so amazing and good to me I want to be genuinely nice to you. That probably contradicts what I said earlier, but that is the reason why I think so low about myself.You haven't searched, have you? Some annoying is bearable, but I'm the 'oh my goodness I wish she would just disappear off the face of the earth' kind of annoying. A real pain. And that is not nice.
That's because you guys are way too good and refuse to believe me when I say I'm not good enough for you. Hey I think everyone commenting on my journal are the ones who should be exhausted! It's fun reading through all comments and replying :)
I beg to differ. I think all that crap could have been avoided if I wasn't such an idiot. Seems more like I'm the cause of the problem but present myself as though I'm the victim.
Okay I started my story, but still no plot, so just going with the flow.
Maybe I should start a writing group?
Hallie, can I just say that I actually understand posting here and just trying to squeeze another drop of niceness out like a lemon. Before you go "no! Not her!" know that yes, there was a time when I found it thrilling to display my kindness here around every corner. I truly meant it and loved putting detail and thought into each response. However, that was a middle schooler looking up, and I'm now a high schooler looking down. I feel like you guys hate me, and not just you. In fact you've gotten the most replies from me. No, Mehar and Riley sent these lovely messages and I just keep blowing them off. I never responded to that awesome one Erin sent me for New Year's. Why? I feel like I can't do it well enough after slaving away on exhausting work like that lab report. But guess what? Everyone says they're too busy for society, too busy for other people, and the way to better society is to stop that. I need to. But I'm flawed. You think I'm too nice to have felt the way you do about yourself? Well, you're wrong, I'm extremely selfish. What kind of person doesn't cry over a traumatic war scene in a movie or someone else's loss, but cries over a grade of 90%? Yes, seriously. That's me. People say I'm highly empathetic but they fail to realize I'm just looking out for myself only. These days I am. These days, some flawed logic has encouraged me to, and I can't stop it. I'm convinced I'm a horrible person because I otherwise see myself as above everyone, which is terribly wrong. It's better to be real with myself than have the ego of our President.
Yet logically I realize this- neither of us are the most benevolent people out there, but I'm talking first prize for service type people. We're still pretty kind, for real, and that counts for something. We're worn drown by the self-hate in our heads, which leads to the so-called "fake kindness" because after putting ourselves down like that and forcing square pegs through round holes, we're too damn tired to display the "real kindness" we believe would make us good people.
They are probably going to call me back inside soon, so sorry this will be extremely short.1. I never say 'no, not her'. I go 'yay it's Alia!!!!!'
2. There is no way any of us hate you! Everyone - I repeat - everyone knows about you and your intellect, especially in both the Harry Potter groups. Maybe some people like me get a little jealous sometimes, but that jealousy can never get back enough to turn into hatred. Which brings me to my next point.
3. Even if you've changed, you've never been any less kinder or nicer. You don't walk around, look at people, and decide whether you want to like them or not without bothering to know them. You are nice even then.
4. I'm the polar opposite. I often judge people in my mind and decide whether to be rude or not. And I don't care if it hurts them. I don't care about them. In fact, I do want to hurt them.
So fake kindness, real kindness - I'm not sure if I possess the right amount of either.
I'd explain better (no I wouldn't), but I think someone needs me inside right now.
I want to scream!! And jump off a cliff!!
I'm writing the worst story any of you would have ever read in your entire life. I'm ashamed of myself!
Hallie wrote: "They are probably going to call me back inside soon, so sorry this will be extremely short.1. I never say 'no, not her'. I go 'yay it's Alia!!!!!'
2. There is no way any of us hate you! Everyone..."
1. Sorry I meant you were going "oh no, she doesn't do the fake kind thing I do."
2. Okay but my intellect is diminishing day by day because of my stupid anxiety and tiredness and 6-hour nights. I appreciate it but maybe it's good that I'm becoming more like the ordinary person because I won't make anyone jealous anymore. I'd rather have people angry at me than jealous. I don't deserve to be supposedly smarter than anyone.
3. I do that. All. The. Time. I thought I would develop a friendship with this one girl but I decided not to because she talked too much while my second favorite teacher was. I thought I'd become friends with another girl but I didn't because I learned she was friends with someone I think is shallow. Like that says anything about who she is. I have sometimes shallow friends too. Sure I'm nice, but I judge too much as well.
4. How is that the polar opposite? And I doubt that's true. You might want to hurt a lot of people, but all of them have likely wronged you too. That doesn't make everything you think right, but we still have flawed thoughts, and it's our actions that matter.
I'm not you, but I sympathize with you more than I ever could have last year. You're amazing, truly. And that's not fake. And I hate that I'm so emotionally unstable and I want to curse more because I just don't give anything anymore, but I won't do so because this is your journal. Just darn it, I don't know how I thought I was having a good day. I was just talking to my family happily about English and I'm now about to fall apart. I can't write. I keep using the conjunction but. I can't play my cello AGAIN because I'm about to cry. My parents will say it's my hormones and I want to punch something not because they're wrong but because they're right and I don't want to acknowledge that my emotions are a fake, horrible as they are. I just can't. I just simply can't.
Hallie wrote: "Alex ~She/he/they~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Aliens can be destroyed, too!!!!!! Let's experiment by pushing me off this trai..."yes it is
Hallie wrote: "I want to scream!! And jump off a cliff!!"Jumping off the cliff is NOT allowed
Hallie wrote: "But I don't love me!"but we love you
Alia wrote: "Hallie wrote: "They are probably going to call me back inside soon, so sorry this will be extremely short.1. I never say 'no, not her'. I go 'yay it's Alia!!!!!'
2. There is no way any of us hat..."
Internet accruing crazy again, but I'll deliver the final word: you're amazing. And I'm not. *hugs*
Alex ~He/him~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "I want to scream!! And jump off a cliff!!"Jumping off the cliff is NOT allowed"
I break rules!
I'm going back to sleep. See you all later!
![Jaxon(Jax)[They-He] | 4642 comments](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1749715398p1/46156450.jpg)
BYE HALLIE. LOVE YOU <3
And I'm back. Not feeling very well, though.
I wrote a review and thanks to crappy phone service, it won't get saved on Goodreads! -_-
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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nope I would get my army of phoenixes to save you"
Not necessary!