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ok so I have orchestra auditions coming up this summer so I've been preparing for that. I don't like practicing but I am pretty serious about my auditions. my parents have been yelling at me because I like practicing at like 9 pm, but I think the important thing is getting the one hour of practice in and like actually improving but nooooo that's not enough for my parents.
I have a high school math placement test also coming up so my parents have been yelling at me over that too because apparently I need to study for that for 45 minutes every day.
and I have started studying but the program that I use is all reviewing stuff that I already know but make it 100 times more confusing so instead of being the same concept that I know, it's completely weird. So I keep getting all of it wrong but I know that this is stuff I've already learned and it's so. frustrating.
I have a high school math placement test also coming up so my parents have been yelling at me over that too because apparently I need to study for that for 45 minutes every day.
and I have started studying but the program that I use is all reviewing stuff that I already know but make it 100 times more confusing so instead of being the same concept that I know, it's completely weird. So I keep getting all of it wrong but I know that this is stuff I've already learned and it's so. frustrating.
I've been in a band class for more than 4 years. I played trombone in 5th grade, then changed to tuba in 6th grade which I later kept on playing until 8th grade. I really enjoyed playing tuba and I still do to this day, but I realized that out of the three years in middle school (6-8) I only got one comment from my band teacher. The other players like the flutes, trumpets, clarinets, and percussion get daily comments about how to play properly, and once in a while they would get comments as to how good they are, so they are used to it. When I, the tuba player, finally got a comment, everyone was shocked and surprised and I felt pretty famous right then. I guess i had never felt like this before, which I'm fine with but I guess that means I'm not that good of a player.
Sigh. Sometimes, if you want everything done right, you need do it yourself. I am not happy with people. Some people don't communicate, some take advantage of you, and some talk in circles, always wanting to be mindful of what everyone wants, but never reaching a decision. Talk. Be straightforward. Decide. Nothing happens if everyone says or does nothing. Either that or something will happen- something worse than nothing could happen.
People keep talking about Black Lives Matter. People want to go out and stand up for what they believe in, but they aren't willing to do that in their own day-to-day lives.
People keep talking about Black Lives Matter. People want to go out and stand up for what they believe in, but they aren't willing to do that in their own day-to-day lives.
I think there is definitely something to be said about this month. I am upset with almost everyone and it feels like everyone feels the same way after sheltering in place for so long. I argued with my brother for a week. He is more intense than usual, because he is away from home at an internship and he is worried about my mom's safety. Quite honestly, this entire quarantine has felt like my dad and brother have been taking turns throwing tantrums and criticizing everyone in sight. I don't know, but I think my brother shouldn't be able to do that so much when he isn't even here. Sigh. I actually have felt that I have been criticized or ignored by people for the last couple months.
Sometimes, I wonder how I haven't completely fallen apart yet. The entire situation- generally speaking- seems to be perfect for an emotional breakdown or depression. I don't know anymore.
Sometimes, I wonder how I haven't completely fallen apart yet. The entire situation- generally speaking- seems to be perfect for an emotional breakdown or depression. I don't know anymore.
u havne't fallin apart yet cause u wanna live. an maybe some part o ur mind knows that life isn't gonna always gonna be like that.
Well, it isn't so much about not wanting to live or not wanting to die. I very much want to live. It's more like anxiety and frustration and some slight form of depression, but not enough to end my own life.
So tired of people. My brother, men, this one friend of mine who says as little as possible about what has been going on with her. I think she might still be in the hospital. She first told me she was hospitalized because of the virus in April, but she hasn't actually told me that she has fully recovered or left the hospital since then. Before the virus, she was in rehab for her hip, but she has been having health problems- diabetes and problems with her hips- for a while. I don't know if she went back to work after rehab since she is a nurse and maybe that was how contracted it, because she won't tell me. All I know is that I am worried.
My brother is back to analyzing and criticizing every little thing I say. I guess not arguing with him was nice while it lasted. I think it runs along my Dad's/Grandmother's side of the family to express concern/care with criticism, so almost every conversation turns into some type of argument or confrontation with him unless the conversation is about television shows.
My brother is back to analyzing and criticizing every little thing I say. I guess not arguing with him was nice while it lasted. I think it runs along my Dad's/Grandmother's side of the family to express concern/care with criticism, so almost every conversation turns into some type of argument or confrontation with him unless the conversation is about television shows.
This isn't a full-on rant- just a rhetorical question. Why do so many men equate fidelity with rudeness towards every girl except the girl they are in a relationship with? You can't be faithful and polite/considerate?
honestly, that's such a good question, although most men, in my experience at least, either do as you said and are rlly awful toward other women, or they don't seem to understand that you can be nice without very obviously flirting with other women...
I forget sometimes that forgiveness and patience is unpopular unless the majority approves. When the majority doesn't, they become confrontational. Unless you say whatever they want to the letter, they don't listen. So much for free spaces, I suppose.

Just having an emotional breakdown. Hope that is okay...
Have you ever noticed how Chopin is possibly the best composer to listen to during one? I wonder if Chopin composed as a way to calm himself down during an emotional breakdown. Let me see... Not that many compositions as some others... Of course.
Maybe he just replayed them whenever he went through them or maybe he played his favorite music by other composers?
Have you ever noticed how Chopin is possibly the best composer to listen to during one? I wonder if Chopin composed as a way to calm himself down during an emotional breakdown. Let me see... Not that many compositions as some others... Of course.
Maybe he just replayed them whenever he went through them or maybe he played his favorite music by other composers?
The Largo of his cello concerto is so beautiful... This recording was performed by Jacqueline Du Pré and Daniel Barenboim. That is tragic. I remember seeing a DVD recording of them and they seemed so in love and then she passed away young from... From I don't remember now what she died of... Let me see... Tut, the website doesn't say how she died! Oh... she died at the age of forty-two. Okay, so I guess she didn't die that young. Still not telling me the cause of death. Sigh. Looks like maybe multiple sclerosis? Hm, okay, I guess.
Okay. 👍I think I am starting to feel better. Just breathing. Maybe in a few minutes I will be okay.
See? 😀I don't need anyone to deal with my breakdown. No one at all... 😥😪 Sigh. Nope! Not quite done yet. I am just going to shed a few more tears, then maybe... Probably don't want to jinx it. You know, jinxing is very easy when it comes to crying. Kind of like how people ask you what is wrong when you are starting to gain control of your crying and then you end up with another round of sobbing.😕
Note to self... Helping people going through emotional breakdowns is inconvenient for people who are asked for help. 🙁Sigh.😔

im trying to make a big discord server, y'all are welcome
Blade wrote: "can i send a invite to my discord server here?
im trying to make a big discord server, y'all are welcome"
The chat thread is a probably a better place if you want more people to respond. This one is more for ranting/venting. 🙂
im trying to make a big discord server, y'all are welcome"
The chat thread is a probably a better place if you want more people to respond. This one is more for ranting/venting. 🙂
Jacqueline/Jax wrote: "This isn't a full-on rant- just a rhetorical question. Why do so many men equate fidelity with rudeness towards every girl except the girl they are in a relationship with? You can't be faithful and..."
Hate to say so, but their rude behavior is very effective.
Hate to say so, but their rude behavior is very effective.



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He is soooo rude. Did he talk to you after that class about it?



ovo I know that feeling. I only felt it once though, my current date is a jerk but i don't wanna like, leave him because we have our happy moments, but I know I should
Rylee wrote: "I get it Jax, quarantine is kinda rough. But at least there is school."
I don't have school. I have had anxiety that keeps me home since March. I only just recently have been able to go out on a walk/drive to run errands. Now, of course, is worse, because depression keeps me in bed for a good part of the day. My home situation isn't very good either- parents have been in the process of separating since the beginning of the virus coming to my city- and I don't really have anywhere to go outside.
I don't have school. I have had anxiety that keeps me home since March. I only just recently have been able to go out on a walk/drive to run errands. Now, of course, is worse, because depression keeps me in bed for a good part of the day. My home situation isn't very good either- parents have been in the process of separating since the beginning of the virus coming to my city- and I don't really have anywhere to go outside.

I don't have school. I have had anxiety that keeps me home since March. I only just recently have been able to..."
@Jax- awww, so sorry! :( hope u get better.
Sometimes the only thing you can do when someone or something frustrates you is to laugh it off.

They have me working 10 out 14 possible shifts this next week. And i work 8 of those all in a row ((4 full days)) with only one day off. THIS is NOT what i ment when i said i was free.
So anyways im hoping to reply to rps at least once a day before i go to sleep this next week. Rant over. Just needed to get that off my chest. 😭😭😂😂😂😂