What I really hate in m/m romance stories

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

Have to say that, even though I know it's a european thing, it drives me nuts to see arse used in a story. Unless it is being said by a smexy Scottish dude with a heavy accent, it comes across as really cheesy and hard to take seriously.

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

Maybe they need to come up with some new words. Another that drives me nuts is "tight bundle of nerves."

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

LMAO. Good one.

[[deleted user]]

I hate that there are not enough long slow sensual licks in m/m romance because I think men are very lickable. Who would turn down a chance to lick a nice long, strong neck from the shoulder on up and around a perfect, handsome ear?

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

Good one, Lucas.

Not me. :-)

[Shannon]

Lucas wrote: "I hate that there are not enough long slow sensual licks in m/m romance because I think men are very lickable. Who would turn down a chance to lick a nice long, strong neck from the shoulder on up ..."

Holy Hell, I could go for some lickin. In a book, I mean, of course, yeah, okay...

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

no armpit lickin though. Ick.

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

Agreed. And I am a spooge fan too. :D. But definitely not a seed fan. He spilled his seed? Was he going to plant grass? Crops? I dunno. Just doesn't work. Must be the country girl in me. :)

[Goesta]

JustJen wrote: "Ohhhh, I hate when the top orders the bottom to "Come!," and the bottom, of course, instantly does so."

That doesn't even happen for me when I'm merely asking for my paper ...

[Macky]

Goesta if you want to giggle then let it go or else you may end up in therapy and god forgive me if I'm the cause of that, I'd never forgive myself!

" doctor, I was an out an proud giggler then some callous bitch on a book forum took away my will to giggle and made me chortle instead... I've never giggled since and my life is now a pit of giggleless gloom!! "

How can I ever live with that on my conscience *'giggles nervously*'

Giggle Goesta Giggle .... Free your inner giggle and let it all out!!! Live to giggle .........

[Macky]

Goesta wrote: "Macky wrote: "Goesta if you want to giggle then let it go or else you may end up in therapy and god forgive me if I'm the cause of that, I'd never forgive myself!

" doctor, I was an out an proud g..."

Neighhhhh!! Surely not:D

[Macky]

Goesta wrote: "Hmmm ... what about a hot cowboy neighing with mirth? Too much alone time spent with his ... ride?"

Mmmmmm hot cowboys... Riding the range...... and other cowboys......save a horse, ride a cowboy!!

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

All these complaints are making me downright giggly myself. Sir Goesta, the Giggler. The Double G. Think of the alias possibilities and freedom you will feel letting all those giggles out.

I, myself, am a total goofball and giggle all the time, well ok, maybe not quite all the time. :)

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

Goesta wrote: "Great moniker for an arch-villain. Spandexman v the Giggler."

LMAO. LOVE it!!

[Macky]

"Holy cycling shorts spandexman" # Bam!# * pow* #streeeeeetch!!!# * Boing*

" Heeeheeeeeheee!! I'll get you and your form filling shiny spandex tights with my high pitched sonic giggle and you'll never flash your super tented tackle to save the world ever again"

To be continued...........

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

OMG. Dying over here. I'm on Team Giggler! You're going down, Spandexman!

[Macky]

Not on my shiny materialed bulging throbbing watch you're not Giggler!! To the bulgemobile.......

[Danni]

Macky wrote: "Not on my shiny materialed bulging throbbing watch you're not Giggler!! To the bulgemobile......."

Oh and stand back for Spoogegirl while you're there! Will my sticky threads be enough to hold back the bulgemobile?

[Macky]

Not on your sticky spoogy life Spoogegirl ... The bulgemobile is encased in super spooge repellant spandex...... It pulses it away with sonic throbbing!!!!!

[Danni]

Macky wrote: "Not on your sticky spoogy life Spoogegirl ... The bulgemobile is encased in super spooge repellant spandex...... It pulses it away with sonic throbbing!!!!!"

Man, this sounds so like the book I'm currently reading. Throbbing, pulsing, twitching - it's all in there.

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

Spoogegirl! Break out the ropes of cum!

[Macky]

Danni wrote: "Macky wrote: "Not on your sticky spoogy life Spoogegirl ... The bulgemobile is encased in super spooge repellant spandex...... It pulses it away with sonic throbbing!!!!!"

Man, this sounds so like..."

Lol. Do you think we've lost the plot a bit from the original thread? Lucas will be banning us from the complaints group.... Sorry Superjock man, we'll be good from now on. * giggles sheepishly*

[Jen4607]

LMAO ~ you guys are hysterical.

[Macky]

JustJen wrote: "Spoogegirl! Break out the ropes of cum!"

Spoogegirl and cumboy V the giggler and his evil sidekick the jizzler!!

[JustJen "Miss Conduct"]

The Jizzler - Perhaps the Giggler calls forth the Jizzler's seed on command setting forth dangerous ropes of cum at all who dare enter their domain with evil intentions.

[Danni]

Macky wrote: "Lol. Do you think we've lost the plot a bit from the original thread? Lucas will be banning us from the complaints group.... Sorry Superjock man, we'll be good from now on. * giggles sheepishly*"

Banned from the Complaints Group? Wow, we would really have something to complain about then.

Well anyway, Spoogegirl needs to get some sleep. Must recharge my batteries for tomorrow when I meet my nemesis - Wet Wipe Guy ;)

[Macky]

Goodnight spoogy. Sweet wet dreams!!!

@ Jen...the giggler rubs the jizzler up the wrong way with his insane high pitched giggle ( and his hand ) therefore causing jizzler to lose his temper and his load.... Very dangerous in a crowded area. Spandexman calls on his trusty sidekick prostate boy to stun all the baddies with his super orgasm ray!!! Trouble is it makes the jizzler and Spoogegirl terribly excited and you can guess the mayhem that ensues!

[Macky]

Don't forget latexkids evil twin condom boy.... He's a slick little bugger - er!! Glow in the dark and coated with acid lube he is a major villain and can even cut through the bulgemobiles super spooge repellant spandex and don't get me started on Captain Buttplug, do not bend over when he's around...........

Goodnight, my brain hurts now!! :)

[[deleted user]]

Macky wrote: "Lol. Do you think we've lost the plot a bit from the original thread? Lucas will be banning us from the complaints group.... Sorry Superjock man, we'll be good from now on. * giggles sheepishly*"

People are encouraged to get off topic, start blithering, get silly, lose track of reality, or desire to ramble on endlessly. Such chatter is highly respected and a sure indication that you are among the most highly valuable members of the Complaint Department.

If your conversation has achieved this magnificent state please continue with it because "superjock man" as Macky so graciously and correctly labeled me, is here to serve you not silence you.

However I urge you to celebrate your achievement by moving the off-topic nattering to the Chatter topics which can be found using this link http://www.goodreads.com/topic/group_...
where you may choose any of the very specific general chatter topics of: Chatter, Even more chatter, Still more chatter and Yet again more chatter.

Enjoy~!

[Danni]

I never so much as smile in the mornings but looking at this (sticky) thread has made me laugh out loud. Thank you everyone for making me giggle (special thanks to the Giggler.)

My only mega complaint is that l can't spend any more time here this morning because l should be getting on with making the kids breakfast -pesky blighters, and then l need to go and have my soul sucked dry by work :-(

[Macky]

Danni wrote: "I never so much as smile in the mornings but looking at this (sticky) thread has made me laugh out loud. Thank you everyone for making me giggle (special thanks to the Giggler.)

My only mega comp..."

Get on the chatter thread Spoogey... We need to know how the confrontation with Wet Wipe Guy panned out? # swipe!! # * Kapoww! *

[[deleted user]]

Shannon wrote: "I hate that I've read the gayology thread so when authors make the bottom have a quick orgasm to "relax" them before penetration all I can think of is "that's gonna hurt"."

You are so right and the writers that do this are so wrong. It makes for a very unhappy bottom which isn't good for either partner.

Hopefully in those cases the couple is versatile and the next time the bottom does the topping he can use the old adage "turnabout is fair play."

[Todd]

Danni wrote: "I hate 'the smaller man,' 'the dark haired man.'"

Or even worse for me is "the other man." He turned to "the other man" like he's some special breed of man that can't be called by his name - "udder man."

[Danni]

Goesta wrote: " "He played with his (insert body part) while (...) his (...) into his (...)" is somewhat more ambiguously acrobatic than the same sentence in m/f land."

Hmm, I dunno. I think we can fill in the blanks. I can safely assume he's not inserting his ... into his own ... Unless of course he is, in which case, that's confusing.

[[deleted user]]

I hate gay-for-you because there is not such thing as a 100 percent straight guy who never even once thought of being with a guy then suddenly discovers he loves cock. Not just any cock, but only one specific cock. Then if he can't get that one specific cock anymore, no other penis in the world would ever tempt him again for the rest of his life.

[Kim]

Lucas wrote: "I hate gay-for-you because there is not such thing as a 100 percent straight guy who never even once thought of being with a guy then suddenly discovers he loves cock. Not just any cock, but only o..."

Are you really, really sure? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I'd get naked for Rachel Maddow. But only Rachel Maddow.

[Goesta]

And I had a couple of months when I was kinda hot for Halle Berry. And only her. But I guess that'd be SFY.

[Kendra]

I hate the witchy female friend/ex-girl/ex-wife/baby mama that is prevalent in some books. There are a couple authors I avoid because the female characters are so out there that I can't stand to read them.

[Goesta]

Kendra wrote: "I hate the b%#$hy female friend/ex-girl/ex-wife/baby mama that is prevalent in some books. There are a couple authors I avoid because the female characters are so out there that I can't stand to r..."

Uh oh ... how about the sassy red-headed set construction engineer who is studying for her advanced physics degree and her slightly paranoid adrenaline-junkie wheel-chair bound paragliding genius hacker husband who are blissing out in new-found parenthood while globe-trotting with their mysterious best gay friend/boss and his troubled new flame to prevent shadowy men from sucking the ancient magic out of their world. Too over the top? I don't think so ... scribble scribble ... ;)

[Macky]

Goesta wrote: "Kendra wrote: "I hate the b%#$hy female friend/ex-girl/ex-wife/baby mama that is prevalent in some books. There are a couple authors I avoid because the female characters are so out there that I c..."

Now that has top ten written all over it... I guess the sassy redhead just has to be called Ginger and the hubby could be something like Orson but what about the mysterious best Gay best friend/ boss and the troubled flame? Come on G work your magic..... Over the top? Nah.....

[Goesta]

Macky wrote: "Goesta wrote: "Kendra wrote: "I hate the b%#$hy female friend/ex-girl/ex-wife/baby mama that is prevalent in some books. There are a couple authors I avoid because the female characters are so out..."

In an odd fit of restraint, her name isn't actually Ginger. They both have really plain names (poetic irony at work!!). And they just descended on our friends L and R with Nan and baby Nell and lasagne in tow.

[Macky]

Goesta wrote: "Macky wrote: "Goesta wrote: "Kendra wrote: "I hate the b%#$hy female friend/ex-girl/ex-wife/baby mama that is prevalent in some books. There are a couple authors I avoid because the female charact..."

Damn I was convinced she'd be Ginger... Ah well you can't win 'em all!

[Goesta]

Macky wrote: "Damn I was convinced she'd be Ginger... Ah well you can't win 'em all! "

Fred and Ginger would be real cute ... tearing up the parquet in the sport chair ... nah, that's a bit much ... *grin*

Ahem: I hate it when all the characters have clever, sexy unusual names that wittily and perfectly describe who they are ... sooo unrealistic ....

[Macky]

Goesta wrote: "Macky wrote: "Damn I was convinced she'd be Ginger... Ah well you can't win 'em all! "

Fred and Ginger would be real cute ... tearing up the parquet in the sport chair ... nah, that's a bit much ...."

No its perfect ... as a card carrying wheelchair rider ( without a safety helmet I might add!) I would love to see a bit of wheel groovin' , grinding and bumping in a story, there's just not enough.... And talking of people with unusual sexy names Goesta..........

[Kendra]

Goesta wrote: "Kendra wrote: "I hate the b%#$hy female friend/ex-girl/ex-wife/baby mama that is prevalent in some books. There are a couple authors I avoid because the female characters are so out there that I c..."

There is a huge difference between sassy and witchy. Sassy usually just means an overabundance of snark that must be released else she would blow (and not in the fun way), but with an underlying attitude of love and affection. Witchy, on the other hand, is just crazy mixed in with too much hate and vitriol that spews from her mouth. The author I am thinking of has a very mysoginistic tone when females are in the story.

[Preston, Moderator]

I hate that writers of m/m romance use tropes that are totally unrelated to real life and that so many of seem to follow the same formula. It is the same story over and over again with different characters.

[Goesta]

Preston wrote: "I hate that writers of m/m romance use tropes that are totally unrelated to real life and that so many of seem to follow the same formula. It is the same story over and over again with different ch..."

Such as, do tell!

[Preston, Moderator]

gay for you, best friends to lovers, chicks with dicks in bodice ripper plots, thirty year-old men who suddenly discover they are gay, 40 year-old married men who become widowers and suddenly fall in love with the male nanny, werewolves, vampires, shape shifters who have to bond/mate or they will lose the leadership of their clan, anything and everything to make the men not resemble actual gay males. anything more and you'd have to pay for my comprehensive rant on m/m romances versus gay male love stories.

[Kendra]

Preston wrote: "gay for you, best friends to lovers, chicks with dicks in bodice ripper plots, thirty year-old men who suddenly discover they are gay, 40 year-old married men who become widowers and suddenly fall ..."

I am truly devastateed that I didn't realize that there was a difference. I know that most stories are outside the norm, not possible, or fully fantasy, just like m/f romance books but would love a couple recommendations for gay male love stories if one of you would be willing to share.

[Danni]

Hi Kendra, this may not be anything like what either Preston or Goesta meant but personally I would classify Junction X as a gay love story, and a mighty fine one at that.