Random Funny Quotes

“That’s a federal crime,” I told him. “Punishable by three to five years in a minimum-security prison. You’ll get passed around like condiments at a barbeque.” “My hole is already quivering,” he said.”
― T.J. Klune, Tell Me It's Real

“Ever heard of a demon getting sick?" Zavid

'Of humans? All the time. It's what we live for" Livia”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Instinct

“I wanted to shove her typewriter on the floor. I hated it and I hated her. I wanted to be a Cosby.”
― Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors

“Potter, you can skin Malfoy's shrivelfig.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“I'm tall”
― Ron Weasly

“a man complicates his life by the pursuit of a fancied ideal which, when attained, proves comically different from his expectations.”
― Anne-Marie Villefranche, Folies D'Amour