Quotes - Patrick (riotgeek) (Kansas City, MO) Showing 1-21 of 21

#1

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

147968 likes

#2

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
― Mark Twain

tags: lies, lying, memory, truth

91930 likes

#3

“So many books, so little time.”
― Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor

150600 likes

#4

“There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”
― Frank Zappa

531 likes

#5

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious, simile

35253 likes

#6

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing

32128 likes

#7

“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

tags: humor, scifi

23425 likes

#8

“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
― Benjamin Franklin Wade

tags: humor, misattributed-mark-twain, philosophy, theology

19817 likes

#9

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

tags: humor, inspirational

9758 likes

#10

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics

9097 likes

#11

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin

tags: funny, humanity, humor

8859 likes

#12

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
― Mark Twain

tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor

7621 likes

#13

“I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril

tags: humor

5064 likes

#14

“The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor

4990 likes

#15

“Don't Panic.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

tags: h2g2, hitchhiker-s-guide, humor, panic

4697 likes

#16

“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: humor

2962 likes

#17

“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, words

2958 likes

#18

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

tags: humor

2439 likes

#19

“It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

tags: sarcasm

489 likes

#20

“Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

152 likes

#21

“The music coming from inside sounded like robots fucking. And complaining about it. In rhythmic monotone. European robots.”
― Christopher Moore, You Suck: A Love Story

158 likes

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