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  • #1
    Johnny Depp
    “If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”
    ― Johnny Depp
    tags: humour, love
    2605 likes

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  • #2
    Woody Allen
    “It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.”
    ― Woody Allen
    tags: absurd
    930 likes

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  • #3
    Woody Allen
    “Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”
    ― Woody Allen
    767 likes

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  • #4
    Woody Allen
    “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
    ― Woody Allen
    1702 likes

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  • #5
    Woody Allen
    “If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
    ― Woody Allen
    tags: humour
    463 likes

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  • #6
    Johnny Depp
    “Me, I’m dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for.”
    ― Johnny Depp
    183 likes

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  • #7
    Johnny Depp
    “My daughter was asked by a little old lady in a London hotel restaurant what her daddy did. She answered, “He’s a pirate” - I was very proud of that answer.”
    ― Johnny Depp
    325 likes

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  • #8
    “There's a hole in the world like a big black pit who are filled with people who are filled with shit.”
    ― Stephen Sondheim, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
    67 likes

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  • #9
    Neil Gaiman
    “Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.”
    ― Neil Gaiman
    6475 likes

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  • #10
    Neil Gaiman
    “You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime.”
    ― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 1: Preludes & Nocturnes
    tags: life
    2506 likes

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  • #11
    Neil Gaiman
    “That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.”
    ― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 10: The Wake
    1154 likes

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  • #12
    J.K. Rowling
    “If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
    tags: charles-bayard-mitchell
    101489 likes

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  • #13
    J.K. Rowling
    “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
    tags: death, dumbledore, harry, inspirational, philosophers-stone, ron, sorcerers-stone
    25344 likes

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  • #14
    J.K. Rowling
    “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
    tags: dumbledore
    26215 likes

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  • #15
    J.K. Rowling
    “Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
    "Yes," said Harry stiffly.
    "Yes, sir."
    "There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
    The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
    tags: humor, rebellion, sarcasm
    15207 likes

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  • #16
    J.K. Rowling
    “He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
    tags: humor, shampoo
    10200 likes

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  • #17
    Erma Bombeck
    “When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ”
    ― Erma Bombeck
    tags: children, family, parenting
    201 likes

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  • #18
    Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another What! You
    “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
    ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
    tags: friendship
    88000 likes

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  • #19
    Erma Bombeck
    “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”
    ― Erma Bombeck
    tags: food, holidays, thanksgiving
    167 likes

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  • #20
    Oscar Wilde
    “I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
    ― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories
    tags: intelligence, self-deprecation
    71567 likes

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  • #21
    Oscar Wilde
    “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
    ― Oscar Wilde
    tags: attributed-no-source, enemies, forgiveness, strategy
    81646 likes

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  • #22
    Bil Keane
    “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
    ― Bill Keane
    tags: attributed-no-source, hope, inspirational, misattributed-eleanor-roosevelt, past, present, widely-misattributed
    42704 likes

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  • #23
    Elie Wiesel
    “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”
    ― Elie Wiesel
    tags: activism, apathy, hate, indifference, inspirational, love, opposite, philosophy
    41935 likes

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  • #24
    Chris Rock
    “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
    ― Chris Rock
    9421 likes

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  • #25
    Jerry Seinfeld
    “If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”
    ― Jerry Seinfeld
    tags: books, funny
    4028 likes

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  • #26
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: crime, funny, humour, neighborhoods
    3723 likes

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  • #27
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: funny, humour, infidelity, parenthood, parenting, sexuality
    2197 likes

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  • #28
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: marriage
    281 likes

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  • #29
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    tags: found, humor, kids, moving, parents
    319 likes

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  • #30
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”
    ― Rodney Dangerfield
    316 likes



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Tags From Lipsa’s Quotes

humour
love
absurd
life
charles-bayard-mitchell
death
dumbledore
harry
inspirational
philosophers-stone
ron
sorcerers-stone
humor
rebellion
sarcasm
shampoo
children
family
parenting
friendship
food
holidays
thanksgiving
intelligence
self-deprecation
attributed-no-source
enemies
forgiveness
strategy
hope
misattributed-eleanor-roosevelt
past
present
widely-misattributed
activism
apathy
hate
indifference
opposite
philosophy
books
funny
crime
neighborhoods
infidelity
parenthood
sexuality
marriage
found
kids
moving
parents