Wesley > Wesley's Quotes

“If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
― David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays

“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”
― David Sedaris

“I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”
― David Sedaris, Naked

“If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

“Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shit. Windy as shit. I myself was confounded as shit...”
― David Sedaris