Matt Granger > Matt's Quotes

“Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

“Now we’re detectives? Maybe we should all have code names.”
“Good idea,” said Jace. “I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.”
Alec spit his water back into his glass.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“I'd made water shoot out of the bathroom fixtures. I didn't understand how. But the toilets responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

“Lost in thought, it took her several moments to realize that Jace had been saying something to her. When she blinked at him, she saw a wry grin spread across his face. "What?" she asked, ungraciously.
"I wish you'd stop desperately trying to get my attention like this," he said. "It's become embarrassing."
"Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt," she told him.
"I can't help it. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain."
"Your pain will be outer soon if you don't get out of traffic. Are you trying to get run over by a cab?"
"Don't be ridiculous," he said. "We could never get a cab that easily in this neighborhood.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“Prince Henry is a biscuit,' Nora says, 'let him sop you up.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“How old is she now?" he asked.
"Hard to say. She was a tree for a while. Now she's immortal.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

“Blimey,” said the other twin. “Are you — ?”
“He is,” said the first twin. “Aren’t you?” he added to Harry.
“What?” said Harry.
“Harry Potter,” chorused the twins.
“Oh, him,” said Harry. “I mean, yes, I am.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

“I try not to think. It interferes with being nuts -Leo Valdez”
― Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

“Henry is one talented bastard. A man of many hidden gifts, Alex muses half hysterically. A true prodigy. God save the queen.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“I heard a little girl shout, “Chicken man, get the moose!”
― Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

“Hodge says he's on his way and he hopes you can both manage to cling to your flickering sparks of life until he gets here," she told Simon and Jace. "Or something like that."
"I wish he'd hurry," Jace said crossly. He was sitting up in bed against a pair of fluffed white pillows, still wearing his filthy clothes.
"Why? Does it hurt?" Clary asked.
"No. I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's less of a threshold and more of a large and tastefully decorated foyer. But I do get easily bored." He squinted at her. "Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you'd get dressed up in a nurse's outfit and give me a sponge bath?"
"Actually, I think you misheard," Clary said. "It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
Jace looked involuntarily over at Simon, who smiled at him widely. "As soon as I'm back on my feet, handsome.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“Alex snatches a shirt and boxers at random from the floor, shoves them at Henry's chest, and points him towards the closet. "Get in there."

"Quite," he observes.

"Yes, we can unpack the ironic symbolism later. GO.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“In March several of the Mandrakes threw a loud and raucous party in greenhouse three. This made Professor Sprout very happy.
“The moment they start trying to move into each other’s pots, we’ll know they’re fully mature,” she told Harry.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

“fat and sexually conquered, snuffed out in the spring of my youth. Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“The others were fighting for their lives against nose hair.”
― Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

“Jocelyn even had a graceful way of walking that made people turn their heads to watch her go by. Clary, by contrast, was always tripping over her feet. The only time people turned to watch her go by was when she hurtled past them as she fell down stairs.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“As far as I can tell, they never get up before noon unless there's some sort of national emergency, like my leg hair.”
― Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

“The door flew open. Jocelyn gave a little scream. “Jesus!” Luke exclaimed. “Actually, it’s just me,” said Simon. “Although I’ve been told the resemblance is startling.” He waved at Clary from the doorway. “You ready?”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“The baboon is driving,” I noted. “Should I be worried?”
― Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

“I'm really going to have you offed," Henry tells him. "You'll never see it coming. Our assassins are trained in discretion. They will come in the night, and it will look like a humiliating accident."
"Autoerotic asphyxiation?"
"Toilet heart attack."
"Jesus."
"You've been warned."
"I thought you'd kill me in a more personal way. Silk pillow over my face, slow and gentle suffocation. Just you and me. Sensual."
"Ha. Well." Henry coughs.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“I could give you a thigh sheath to put that in,” Isabelle offered. “I’ve got tonnes.”
“CERTAINLY NOT,” said Simon.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“The silence was shattered as the bedroom door flew open with a wall-shaking crash. Hermione shrieked and dropped Secrets of the Darkest Art; Crookshanks streaked under the bed, hissing indignantly; Ron jumped off the bed, skidded on a discarded Chocolate Frog wrapper, and smacked his head on the opposite wall; and Harry instinctively dived for his wand before realizing that he was looking up at Mrs. Weasley, whose hair was disheveled and whose face was contorted with rage.
“I’m so sorry to break up this cozy little gathering,” she said, her voice trembling. “I’m sure you all need your rest . . . but there are wedding presents stacked in my room that need sorting out and I was under the impression that you had agreed to help.”
“Oh yes,” said Hermione, looking terrified as she leapt to her feet, sending books flying in every direction, “we will . . . we’re sorry . . .”
With an anguished look at Harry and Ron, Hermione hurried out of the room after Mrs. Weasley.
“It’s like being a house-elf,” complained Ron in an undertone, still massaging his head as he and Harry followed. “Except without the job satisfaction. The sooner this wedding’s over, the happier I’ll be.”
“Yeah,” said Harry, “then we’ll have nothing to do except find Horcruxes. . . . It’ll be like a holiday, won’t it?”
Ron started to laugh, but at the sight of the enormous pile of wedding presents waiting for them in Mrs. Weasley’s room, stopped quite abruptly.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“He snaps a shot of Cornbread and presses send, flinching when the bird flaps at him threateningly. I think he’s cute, Henry responds. that’s because you can’t hear all the menacing gobbling Yes, famously the most sinister of all animal sounds, the gobble. “You know what, you little shit,” Alex says the second the call connects, “you can hear it for yourself and then tell me how you would handle this—” “Alex?” Henry’s voice sounds scratchy and bewildered across the line. “Have you really rung me at three o’clock in the morning to make me listen to a turkey?” “Yes, obviously,” Alex says. He glances at Cornbread and cringes. “Jesus Christ, it’s like they can see into your soul. Cornbread knows my sins, Henry. Cornbread knows what I have done, and he is here to make me atone.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“Outside, a light rain began to fall. The coat turned on our windshield wipers.”
― Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

“Alex rolls his eyes. 'For fuck's sake, man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good-night.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

“Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“I don’t give a damn what Joanne has to say, Remus John Lupin is gay as the day is long, and I won’t hear a word against it.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“I’ve never asked him, but I’m sure he has a fairly stringent policy about random teenagers lurking in his shrubbery.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

“What are all these?" Clary asked.
"Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades," Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David-"
"Jesus," said Clary
"I doubt he'd fit."
"Jace." Clary was appalled.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones