Puff > Puff's Quotes

“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAVED HIM?
"Yes! The sun would have risen just the same, yes?"
NO
"Oh, come on. You can't expect me to believe that. It's an astronomical fact."
THE SUN WOULD NOT HAVE RISEN.
...
"Really? Then what would have happened, pray?"
A MERE BALL OF FLAMING GAS WOULD HAVE ILLUMINATED THE WORLD.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“NO. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN’T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU.
She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped off the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, a few brown feathers seemed to have been glued on.
'Thank you. Er ... what is it?'
ALBERT SAID THERE OUGHT TO BE SNOW ON IT, BUT IT APPEARS TO HAVE MELTED, said Death. IT IS, OF COURSE, A HOGSWATCH CARD.
'Oh ...'
THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROBIN ON IT AS WELL, BUT I HAD CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY IN GETTING IT TO STAY ON.
'Ah...'
IT WAS NOT AT ALL COOPERATIVE.
'Really ...?'
IT DID NOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE HOGSWATCH SPIRIT AT ALL.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

“Doors are for people with no imagination.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.”
― Derek Landy

“We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“Are you going to shoot me?' Vengeous sneered. 'I wouldn't be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.'

And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“So that plan worked out well."

"Skulduggery, your entire plan consisted of, and I quote, "Let's get up close and then see what happens."'

"All the same," he said, "I think the whole thing worked out rather beautifully.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“What would killing the Elders result in?"
"Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“He looked at her. 'In order to finish, I'll have to have defeated six Infected, Dusk, and Vengeous himself.'

Yeah. So?'

The Infected I can manage.'

She frowned. 'And Vengeous? I mean, you can beat him, right?'

Well,' he said, "I can certainly try. And trying is half the battle.'

What's the other half?'

He shrugged. 'Hitting him more times than he hits me.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“We didn't die,' she said.

Of course not. I'm too clever to die, and you're too pretty.'

I am pretty,' Valkryie said, managing a grin.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“What is it with you women?" he yelled, kicking at the air. "You come into our lives, you take everythin'! Throughout the years you got little pieces of me, of my very SOUL, and NOW? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even SHAVE?”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“If things go wrong, I'll lead them away. Once it's clear, get back to the car. If you don't see me in five minutes, then I've probably died a very brave and heroic death. Oh and don't touch the radio--I've got it tuned right where I want it and I don't want you messing that up.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Was it a test?” she asked. “I mean, I know I'm still new to this. I'm still the rookie. Did you hang back to test me, to see if I'd be able to handle it alone?”
“Well, kind of,” he said. “Actually, no, nothing like that. My shoelace was untied. That's why I was late. That's why you were alone.”
“I could have been killed because you were tying your SHOELACE?”
“An untied shoelace an be dangerous,” he said. “I could have tripped.”
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
“I'm joking,” he said at last.
She relaxed. “Really?”
“Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Is he all scarred now?”

“Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Enjoy that?" Tanith said with a little grin.

Valkyrie grinned back, her eyes bright. "I keep telling Skulduggery he should get a bike."

"What does he say?"

"He says people who wear leathers, like you, should ride motorbikes. People who wear exquisite suits, like him, should drive Bentleys.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“They might be kittens," she said hopefully.
"They're stalking us."
"They might be shy."
"I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie."
"Puppies, then?”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Well, to put it delicately, she has the power to suck out people's brains.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Guild doesn't like me."
"That's true."
"He doesn't like you, ether."
"That is mystifying.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Where are you going?"
"Nowhere special. I just have some... things to do."
"Why did you pause?'
"I'm sorry?"
"You paused. You have 'some... things to do.'
"No reason, I just--"
"You're up to something."
"No--"
"Then why'd you pause?"
"Get in the car."
She got in. He got in.
"Seat belt," he said.
Why'd you pause?"
His head drooped. "Because I'm up to somthing."
"And why can't I come with you?"
"Because it's something sneaky."
"Do you promise to tell me later?"
"I do."
"Well all right then." She clicked her seat belt into place. "Let's go.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“I used to be so good at that kind of thing," Skulduggery said quietly.
"Well, my morale is certainly boosted," Valkyrie informed him.
"Really?"
"god no. That was terrible”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“You've been reading Gordan's book again, haven't you?"
"It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride," she mumbled.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“You’re still upset about that time I made you explode, aren’t you? I can tell.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Ah, the twins. I’ll never forget the day they were born,” and his smile dipped as he added, “no matter how hard I try…”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“No one likes sarcasm, Miss Cain. I’ve merely delayed my exit to promise you something. You took my straight razor, li’l darlin’. That I view as an unforgivable offense. So when the time comes, when you have served your purpose, I swear to you I’m gonna kill you for free.” And with that, Billy-Ray Sanguine disappeared into the ground. Then he popped his head back up. “Or at least half price.” And he was gone again.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“[..]...
"What does he look like?" Valkyrie asked.
"Black hair, pretty pale. Ugly scar on his face. Looks like a vamp."
"You should get back inside," Skulduggery said. "Lock the doors."
"You got it, Kemo sabe. I'll keep my crucifix close."
"Vampires aren't scared of a crucifix, Finbar."
"I don't plan to wave it at him, I plan to hit him with it. It's really heavy. I figure I can do some considerable damage to his head." He Stepped back and closed the door.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire