Victoria Joy > Victoria's Quotes

“If you spend your life sparing people’s feelings and feeding their vanity, you get so you can’t distinguish what should be respected in them.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night / The Last Tycoon

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
― Brené Brown, Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution

“The only real conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Boundaries are, in simple terms, the recognition of personal space.”
― Asa Don Brown, The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adult Perception and Worldview

“Your choice is to be active or passive in your responses.”
― Deborah Day

“Tolerance is nothing more than patience with boundaries.”
― Shannon Alder

“Saying no to people who want you to say yes, and upholding your boundaries with people who were used to having none, will at first feel terrible. Like a death. And it is a death of sorts. The death of the part of you that thinks you have to violate yourself to make it in life or be valued. You most likely will surrounded by people who are used to being accommodating or passive. At first, they feel threatened by you asserting your boundaries. This is ok. And in time they will get used to it. Just like in time you'll get used to understanding, that when people act like assholes when you say now, isn't about you. It's about them.”
― Holly Whitaker, Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol

“Boundaries in no way mean to stop loving. They mean the opposite: you are gaining the freedom to love.”
― Henry Cloud / John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We can't connect with someone unless we're clear about where we end and they begin.”
― Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

“Assume that people know only what you tell them, honor only what you request, and can't read your mind.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Saying no to one thing is saying yes to the possibility of another.”
― Ellie Roscher, 12 Tiny Things: Simple Ways to Live a More Intentional Life