Andra > Andra's Quotes

“Kiss my fairy dust, Bitches!”
― Ethan Day

“Shut off the door and don't let the light hit you in the ass on your way out.”
― Ethan Day, Anything for You

“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
― Mark Twain

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
― Rodney Dangerfield

“I cannot go to school today"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox.

And there's one more - that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,
It might be the instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke.
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in.

My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My toes are cold, my toes are numb,

I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,

I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,

There's a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...
What? What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is .............. Saturday?

G'bye, I'm going out to play!”
― Shel Silverstein

“Do you know what I did to the last guy that called me Tinkerbelle?"

"Slept with him?"

Darryl was silent for a second. "After that.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read.”
― Mark Twain

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
― Mark Twain

“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
― Mark Twain

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
― Mark Twain

“The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.”
― Mark Twain

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
― Mark Twain

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
― W.C. Fields

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
― W.C. Fields

“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”
― W.C. Fields

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
― W.C. Fields

“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
― W.C. Fields

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.”
― Albert Einstein

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
― Albert Einstein

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
― Albert Einstein

“A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.”
― Albert Einstein

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
― Laurence J. Peter

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
― steve martin

“Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.”
― Steve Martin

“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
― Steve Martin

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.”
― John A. Shedd