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Vinyards > Vinyards's Quotes

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  • #1
    George Burns
    “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
    ― George Burns
    tags: family, happiness, humor
    5598 likes

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  • #2
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    ― Mark Twain
    34481 likes

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  • #3
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    ― Jim Henson
    26435 likes

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  • #4
    D.J. MacHale
    “There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)”
    ― D. J. MacHale, The Quillan Games
    tags: clowns, humor, people
    1395 likes

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  • #5
    Ben Elton
    “This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.”
    ― Ben Elton, Bachelor Boys: The Young Ones Book
    tags: humor, violence, vyvyan
    392 likes

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  • #6
    “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
    ― Narcotics Anonymous
    tags: humor, insanity, life, misattributed-ben-franklin, misattributed-mark-twain, misattributed-to-einstein
    64716 likes

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  • #7
    Flannery O'Connor
    “Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.”
    ― Flannery O'Connor
    tags: criticism, humor, writing
    2049 likes

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  • #8
    Herman Wouk
    “When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”
    ― Herman Wouk
    tags: danger, humor
    1197 likes

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  • #9
    Steven Wright
    “I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: books, humor
    859 likes

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  • #10
    C.S. Lewis
    “She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.”
    ― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
    tags: humor, women, zealousness
    1422 likes

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  • #11
    Jasper Fforde
    “Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.”
    ― Jasper Fforde, First Among Sequels
    tags: humor, poetry
    493 likes

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  • #12
    Ambrose Bierce
    “Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.
    Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.
    Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.”
    ― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
    tags: definition, humor, inspiration
    95 likes

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  • #13
    Alice Roosevelt Longworth
    “If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.”
    ― Alice Roosevelt Longworth
    tags: gossip, humor, slander
    823 likes

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  • #14
    Garrison Keillor
    “Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
    ― Garrison Keillor
    tags: humor, religion
    30276 likes

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  • #15
    Steven Wright
    “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: amnesia, humor, memory
    4691 likes

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  • #16
    George Carlin
    “Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: animals, cats, dogs, humor, language
    2149 likes

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  • #17
    George Carlin
    “Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: absurdity, belief, credulity, doubt, evidence, gullibility, humor, indoctrination, invisible, reason, skepticism
    1208 likes

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  • #18
    Andrew Jackson
    “It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.”
    ― Andrew Jackson
    339 likes

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  • #20
    James Beard
    “A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.”
    ― James Beard
    tags: food, humor
    92 likes

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  • #21
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor
    9933 likes

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  • #22
    Mark Twain
    “Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, writing
    9632 likes

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  • #23
    Jerry Seinfeld
    “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”
    ― Jerry Seinfeld
    tags: humor
    905 likes

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  • #24
    Lora Brody
    “Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
    Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.
    And it always feels good.”
    ― Lora Brody
    tags: chocolate, food, humor, sex
    549 likes

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  • #25
    Erma Bombeck
    “I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food”
    ― Erma Bombeck
    tags: food, humor
    503 likes

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  • #26
    Scott Adams
    “You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.”
    ― Scott Adams
    tags: food, humor, vegetarian, vegetarianism
    346 likes

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  • #27
    Peter De Vries
    “I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.”
    ― Peter De Vries
    tags: humor, writing
    349 likes

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  • #28
    Scott Adams
    “Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”
    ― Scott Adams
    tags: food, humor, life
    146 likes

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  • #29
    Douglas MacArthur
    “Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”
    ― Douglas MacArthur
    tags: humor, military
    399 likes

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  • #30
    Woody Allen
    “Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be.”
    ― Woody Allen
    tags: humor, interrogation-marks, irony, writing-advice, writing-tips
    48 likes

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  • #31
    Jasper Fforde
    “Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.”
    ― Jasper Fforde
    tags: humor, peter-rabbit
    104 likes



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family
happiness
humor
clowns
people
violence
vyvyan
insanity
life
misattributed-ben-franklin
misattributed-mark-twain
misattributed-to-einstein
criticism
writing
danger
books
women
zealousness
poetry
definition
inspiration
gossip
slander
religion
amnesia
memory
animals
cats
dogs
language
absurdity
belief
credulity
doubt
evidence
gullibility
indoctrination
invisible
reason
skepticism
food
chocolate
sex
vegetarian
vegetarianism
military
interrogation-marks
irony
writing-advice
writing-tips
peter-rabbit