Abby > Abby's Quotes

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  • #1
    Jonathan Tropper
    “The last time I saw Wade, I attacked him with an office chair. The time before that, I jammed a lit cheesecake up his ass and almost burned his balls off. So it's understandable that his first reaction upon seeing me is to flinch and assume a defensive posture.”
    Jonathan Tropper, This is Where I Leave You

  • #2
    “If you imagine the 4,500-bilion-odd years of Earth's history compressed into a normal earthly day, then life begins very early, about 4 A.M., with the rise of the first simple, single-celled organisms, but then advances no further for the next sixteen hours. Not until almost 8:30 in the evening, with the day five-sixths over, has Earth anything to show the universe but a restless skin of microbes. Then, finally, the first sea plants appear, followed twenty minutes later by the first jellyfish and the enigmatic Ediacaran fauna first seen by Reginald Sprigg in Australia. At 9:04 P.M. trilobites swim onto the scene, followed more or less immediately by the shapely creatures of the Burgess Shale. Just before 10 P.M. plants begin to pop up on the land. Soon after, with less than two hours left in the day, the first land creatures follow.

    Thanks to ten minutes or so of balmy weather, by 10:24 the Earth is covered in the great carboniferous forests whose residues give us all our coal, and the first winged insects are evident. Dinosaurs plod onto the scene just before 11 P.M. and hold sway for about three-quarters of an hour. At twenty-one minutes to midnight they vanish and the age of mammals begins. Humans emerge one minute and seventeen seconds before midnight. The whole of our recorded history, on this scale, would be no more than a few seconds, a single human lifetime barely an instant. Throughout this greatly speeded-up day continents slide about and bang together at a clip that seems positively reckless. Mountains rise and melt away, ocean basins come and go, ice sheets advance and withdraw. And throughout the whole, about three times every minute, somewhere on the planet there is a flash-bulb pop of light marking the impact of a Manson-sized meteor or one even larger. It's a wonder that anything at all can survive in such a pummeled and unsettled environment. In fact, not many things do for long.”
    Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything

  • #3
    Vladimir Nabokov
    “I suppose the pain of parting will be red and loud.”
    Vladimir Nabokov, Invitation to a Beheading

  • #4
    Vladimir Nabokov
    “...All my best words are deserters and do not answer the trumpet call, and the remainder are cripples.”
    Vladimir Nabokov, Invitation to a Beheading

  • #5
    Sylvia Plath
    “I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.”
    Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

  • #6
    Ernest Becker
    “To live fully is to live with an awareness of the rumble of terror that underlies everything.”
    Ernest Becker

  • #7
    Ernest Becker
    “We are gods with anuses.”
    Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

  • #8
    Joseph Campbell
    “Apocalypse does not point to a fiery Armageddon but to the fact that our ignorance and our complacency are coming to an end… The exclusivism of there being only one way in which we can be saved, the idea that there is a single religious group that is in sole possession of the truth—that is the world as we know it that must pass away. What is the kingdom? It lies in our realization of the ubiquity of the divine presence in our neighbors, in our enemies, in all of us.”
    Joseph Campbell, Thou Art That: Transforming Religious Metaphor

  • #9
    Joseph Campbell
    “Mythology may, in a real sense, be defined as other people's religion. And religion may, in a sense, be understood as popular misunderstanding of mythology. (8)”
    Joseph Campbell, Thou Art That: Transforming Religious Metaphor

  • #10
    Joseph Campbell
    “There seem to be only two kinds of people: Those who think that metaphors are facts, and those who know that they are not facts. Those who know they are not facts are what we call "atheists," and those who think they are facts are "religious." Which group really gets the message?”
    Joseph Campbell, Thou Art That: Transforming Religious Metaphor

  • #11
    Gore Vidal
    “Monotheism is easily the greatest disaster to befall the human race.”
    Gore Vidal

  • #12
    Carl Sagan
    “For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
    Carl Sagan

  • #13
    Carl Sagan
    Frederick Douglass taught that literacy is the path from slavery to freedom. There are many kinds of slavery and many kinds of freedom, but reading is still the path.”
    Carl Sagan

  • #14
    Carl Sagan
    “Who is more humble? The scientist who looks at the universe with an open mind and accepts whatever the universe has to teach us, or somebody who says everything in this book must be considered the literal truth and never mind the fallibility of all the human beings involved?”
    Carl Sagan

  • #15
    Carl Sagan
    “The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there's little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides.”
    Carl Sagan

  • #16
    John Kennedy Toole
    “I refuse to "look up." Optimism nauseates me. It is perverse. Since man's fall, his proper position in the universe has been one of misery.”
    John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

  • #17
    Bertrand Russell
    “The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”
    Bertrand Russell

  • #18
    Bertrand Russell
    “Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.”
    Bertrand Russell

  • #19
    Bertrand Russell
    “There is something feeble and a little contemptible about a man who cannot face the perils of life without the help of comfortable myths. Almost inevitably some part of him is aware that they are myths and that he believes them only because they are comforting. But he dare not face this thought! Moreover, since he is aware, however dimly, that his opinions are not rational, he becomes furious when they are disputed.”
    Bertrand Russell, Human Society in Ethics and Politics

  • #20
    Bertrand Russell
    “I believe that when I die I shall rot, and nothing of my ego will survive. I am not young and I love life. But I should scorn to shiver with terror at the thought of annihilation. Happiness is nonetheless true happiness because it must come to an end, nor do thought and love lose their value because they are not everlasting. Many a man has borne himself proudly on the scaffold; surely the same pride should teach us to think truly about man's place in the world. Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cosy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigour, and the great spaces have a splendour of their own.”
    Bertrand Russell

  • #21
    Neil Gaiman
    “Nothing [the demon] could think up was half as bad as the stuff [people] thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into their design somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse.”
    Neil Gaiman, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

  • #22
    Thich Nhat Hanh
    “You would not cry if you knew that by looking deeply into the rain you would still see the cloud.”
    Thich Nhat Hanh, No Death, No Fear: Comforting Wisdom for Life

  • #23
    Don DeLillo
    “I'm not just a college professor. I'm the head of a department. I don't see myself fleeing an airborne toxic event. That's for people who live in mobile homes out in the scrubby parts of the county, where the fish hatcheries are.”
    Don DeLillo, White Noise

  • #24
    Donald Antrim
    “Have you ever noticed?--people, no matter how beautiful or desirable, invariably will, if observed closely while going about their daily business of keeping alive, begin to seem like monsters.”
    Donald Antrim, The Verificationist

  • #25
    “There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.”
    Tina Fey

  • #26
    “If you're going to be a musician's girlfriend, you have to know that your man will always love his bandmates in a way you can't even touch, because they are the guys who help him create music. You can only help him create a living human being, with your dumb uterus.”
    Julie Klausner, I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

  • #27
    “Your twenties are the worst part of your life that you don't actually know at the time is terrible.”
    Julie Klausner, I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

  • #28
    “...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?'

    Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it.

    I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up.”
    Tina Fey

  • #29
    George Carlin
    “There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.”
    George Carlin

  • #30
    Drew Magary
    “My wife and I agreed that we needed to have a second child because an only child is 90 percent more likely to have an imaginary friend who wants to murder you in your sleep.”
    Drew Magary



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