Michael Schaefer > Michael's Quotes

“Tuesdays are the worst. They are the spoiled leftovers of Mondays, repackaged with a new expiry date.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“An Irish pub, such as you have seen a thousand times before. The kind where the emphasis is on the “ish” rather than on the proud name of Éire.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Alas, between the “shouldn’t” and the “shouldn’t have”—that is precisely where life happens.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“He gave Robert an apparently meaningful wink that failed to convey any meaning at all.”
― Anna Mattaar, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Her computer’s fan whirred to life, blowing warm air onto her fingers. Two flame-red slits glowed from the monitor. The speakers boomed. “I lived! I died! I live again!”
Olivie had dealt with blue screens, frozen hourglasses, and even the odd hardware conflict back in the day. This was new.”
― Choong JayVee, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“It was a relationship based on cunning, connivingness, and capitalism.”
― Laura May, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“As much as he loved Old Earth artefacts, it was tremendously frustrating at times to know that it wasn’t possible to prove the original purpose of so many of them. Spotting an object he had puzzled over for the past two years, he stopped at its shelf, picked up the crumpled piece of plastic, and unfolded it until it had the approximate shape of a woman. She could be inflated by blowing air into an attached valve. Although he did have his suspicions as to what she was for (and he blushed even thinking about it—he described her as a ‘portable statue of a surprised female’ to potential customers), he still yearned to know whether he was right or not.”
― Michael K. Schaefer, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“He felt like a dog that was about to be told that, yes, he was a good boy, but his balls had to come off anyway.”
― Michael K. Schaefer, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“I’m a lot of things, Spatchcock, but ‘beloved-of-law-enforcement’ is not one of them. They’ll just say that it’s my own damn fault again and send me on my way. Besides, the last time I was at a police station I was quite rude to them. I think I threw a lamp at the custody sergeant. Do you have a light?”
― Robert McKelvey, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Where the hell has the fourth tower gone?!”
As far as heckles go, it was one of the more unusual he’d been subjected to. Lawrence had spent hours finding an alliterative rhyme for ‘crumbling crenellations’—and what thanks did he get? An architecturally pedantic heckle.”
― Peter Knighton, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Without language to give them shape, memories are just like houses with no walls. They’re merely events seeking to chain themselves together into causes and effects; survival unhindered by narrative.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“He cleared his throat, very carefully, to bring the stillness to a more bearable level without breaking the unwritten rule that governs both churches and freshly fallen blankets of snow.”
― Anna Mattaar, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Her eyes pierced his, convincing him that if she were a mouse, she’d lift the entire species to the top of the food chain.”
― Anna Mattaar, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Lettie sighed—wisdom seems to be highly correlated with sighing.”
― Laura May, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Old Earth rotated slowly and majestically on its axis, reassuringly unperturbed by recent events.”
― Michael K. Schaefer, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“The shop was full to the brim with Earth antiques of all kinds. The knowledgeable connoisseur and the ignorant tourist alike could find within its walls everything from A to Z: from 600-year-old alarm clocks (it seemed about right that the human race wouldn’t leave Earth without them) to a statue of a ferocious predator that used to be called a ‘zebra’.”
― Michael K. Schaefer, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Even infinity has its limits.”
― Steven McKinnon, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“The cube contained knowledge of every person born and every battle fought; every kiss enjoyed and every secret kept; every word that was ever uttered and every thought that was ever conceived, from The Beginning until The End of Time.
“Looks a bit shit,” said Sid.”
― Steven McKinnon, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Beneath black makeup, the skin around her eyes wrinkled like satin sheets after a restless night.”
― Mike Reeves-McMillan, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“I'm Norwegian and our ghosts don't care about nookie, just raiding, blood feuds, and herring recipes.”
― Ani Gonzalez, Here Comes the Witch