Science Humor Quotes

Quotes tagged as "science-humor" (showing 1-26 of 26)
Lemony Snicket
“the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise.”
Lemony Snicket, The Ersatz Elevator

Mary Roach
“The nobility of the human spirit grows harder for me to believe in. War, zealotry, greed, malls, narcissism. I see a backhanded nobility in excessive, impractical outlays of cash prompted by nothing loftier than a species joining hands and saying “I bet we can do this.” Yes, the money could be better spent on Earth. But would it? Since when has money saved by government red-lining been spent on education and cancer research? It is always squandered. Let’s squander some on Mars. Let’s go out and play.”
Mary Roach, Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void

Richard Feynman
“They didn't put two and two together. They didn't even know what they knew. I don't know what's the matter with people, they don't learn by understanding; they learn by some other way—by rote, or something. Their knowledge is so fragile!”
Richard P. Feynman

Dan Brown
“My father would argue two side of a möbius strip.”
Dan Brown, Angels & Demons

Philip    Nelson
“At the dawn of the twentieth century, it was already clear that, chemically speaking, you and I are not much different from cans of soup. And yet we can do many complex and even fun things we do not usually see cans of soup doing.”
Philip Nelson, Biological Physics: Energy, Information, Life

Max Barry
“In the sciences, looking good was usually a negative. It implied you wasted time on outdoor activities instead of building something useful. Even using hair product or makeup implied misguided priorities. Like you thought how things looked mattered, instead of how they worked. We liked to look at attractive people. We expected it of our movie stars and TV characters. But we did not respect it. We knew physical attractiveness was inversely correlated with intelligence, because look at us.”
Max Barry, Machine Man

Choong JayVee
“Her computer’s fan whirred to life, blowing warm air onto her fingers. Two flame-red slits glowed from the monitor. The speakers boomed. “I lived! I died! I live again!”
Olivie had dealt with blue screens, frozen hourglasses, and even the odd hardware conflict back in the day. This was new.”
Choong JayVee, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

Keith Caserta
“For large values of 1, 1 approaches 2, for small values of 2.”
Keith Caserta

Yoon Ha Lee
“In some universes, all possible pasts funnel towards a single fixed ending, Ω.

It you are of millenarian bent, you might call Ω Armageddon, If you are of grammatical bent, you might call it punctuation on a cosmological scale.

If you are a philosopher in such a universe, you might call Ω inevitable.”
Yoon Ha Lee, Conservation of Shadows

“Ask Gandhi, and eye for an eye makes us both blind.....ask an engineer, and the numbers don't lie - the first to strike wins.”
Steven Ivy - Attorney Entrepreneur

“What we call creative work, Ought not to be called work at all because it isn't. I imagine that Thomas Edison never did a days work in the last fifty years.”
Stephen B.Leacock

“Somos víctimas de nuestro ADN y punto.”
Peter Holt, Chromosome 8

Aihebholo-oria Okonoboh
“If we have a very big problem to deal with, it is the problem of realism, because we are weaker than our emotions.”
Aihebholo-oria Okonoboh

W. Edwards Deming
“In God we trust, all others bring data”
William Edwards Deming

“honest is the best policy”
Naema Al Hashi

“The outgroup is rocks.”
Joseph Felsenstein, Inferring Phylogenies

“Stephen Hawking is not the greatest mind on the planet, just the most intelligent comedian”
Marshall Barnes

“all Lies from your self, makes distroy to your self in a certain ways”
jemuel odtojan

Stanisław Lem
“So they rolled up their sleeves and sat down to experiment -- by simulation, that is mathematically and all on paper. And the mathematical models of King Krool and the beast did such fierce battle across the equation-covered table, that the constructors' pencils kept snapping. Furious, the beast writhed and wriggled its iterated integrals beneath the King's polynomial blows, collapsed into an infinite series of indeterminate terms, then got back up by raising itself to the nth power, but the King so belabored it with differentials and partial derivatives that its Fourier coefficients all canceled out (see Riemann's Lemma), and in the ensuing confusion the constructors completely lost sight of both King and beast. So they took a break, stretched their legs, had a swig from the Leyden jug to bolster their strength, then went back to work and tried it again from the beginning, this time unleashing their entire arsenal of tensor matrices and grand canonical ensembles, attacking the problem with such fervor that the very paper began to smoke. The King rushed forward with all his cruel coordinates and mean values, stumbled into a dark forest of roots and logarithms, had to backtrack, then encountered the beast on a field of irrational numbers (F_1) and smote it so grievously that it fell two decimal places and lost an epsilon, but the beast slid around an asymptote and hid in an n-dimensional orthogonal phase space, underwent expansion and came out fuming factorially, and fell upon the King and hurt him passing sore. But the King, nothing daunted, put on his Markov chain mail and all his impervious parameters, took his increment Δk to infinity and dealt the beast a truly Boolean blow, sent it reeling through an x-axis and several brackets—but the beast, prepared for this, lowered its horns and—wham!!—the pencils flew like mad through transcendental functions and double eigentransformations, and when at last the beast closed in and the King was down and out for the count, the constructors jumped up, danced a jig, laughed and sang as they tore all their papers to shreds, much to the amazement of the spies perched in the chandelier—perched in vain, for they were uninitiated into the niceties of higher mathematics and consequently had no idea why Trurl and Klapaucius were now shouting, over and over, "Hurrah! Victory!!”
Stanisław Lem, The Cyberiad

Lailah Gifty Akita
“Science is a satisfactory curiosity.”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

“Sexiest mind game ever played - Chess.”
Neisha Alana Henderson

Bill Bryson
“To begin with, for you to be here now, trillions of drifting atoms had somehow to assemble in an intricate and intriguingly obliging manner to create you. It’s an arrangement so specialized and particular that it has never been tried before and will only exist this once. For the next many years (we hope) these tiny particles will uncomplainingly engage in all the billions of deft, cooperative efforts necessary to keep you intact and let you experience the supremely agreeable but generally under appreciated state known as existence”
Bill Bryson

“I do not care what yew believe, nor does the Universe, know it or no it not.”
Jeffrey Scott Flesher

“one of the healthy vegetable with different color, it come in by a lot of fun and beautiful fall season. Gardening, seasons, life, and what people doing with pumpkin. Family can have a lot of fun and enjoy their time (and at the same time learn a lot of new things)”
Jill Esbaum, Seed, Sprout, Pumpkin, Pie

“Everyone loves a good iceberg, and this one is a corker." professor of Earth Observation at the University of Leeds”
Andrew Shepherd, Insar: Applications in Geoscience

“We go to three parks. We walk nonstop or else she cries. The baby likes moving, especially moving at high speeds, so we go on swings. She opens one eye and looks at me with profound suspicion. What is this contraption? she asks silently, a tiny cyclops in my hands.

This is a simple harmonic oscillator, I say, a pendulum; this is periodic motion.

Wheeeee is the sound I think her temporal lobe wants to make" (p125)”
Weike Wang, Chemistry