Howard > Howard's Quotes

“Not one of your pertinent ancestors was squashed, devoured, drowned, starved, stranded, stuck fast, untimely wounded, or otherwise deflected from its life's quest of delivering a tiny charge of genetic material to the right partner at the right moment in order to perpetuate the only possible sequence of hereditary combinations that could result -- eventually, astoundingly, and all too briefly -- in you.”
― Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything

“First I tried some Neil Diamond, thinking that if anything was going to make the undead run for the hills it would be a nice, loud rendition of Cracklin’ Rosie. But those coldsickles actually seemed to enjoy it. Very disturbing.”
― Mike Cooley, How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn

“Our government has no interest in nearly extinct languages. They barely have a grasp on the one they use.”
― Jennifer Foehner Wells, Fluency

“I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.” —DR. SEUSS”
― Jeff Goins, You Are A Writer

“Wow,” Bob said, in a perfectly calm, matter-of-fact, conversational tone. “That is incredibly unfair.”
― Jim Butcher, Changes

“yes, I can in fact capitalize any words I desire. The language is English. I am English. Therefore mine is the opinion which matters, colonial heathen.”
― Jim Butcher, Changes

“I did absolutely nothing. Carefully.”
― Jim Butcher, Changes

“Martin was alphabetizing my bookshelves. They used to kill men for sacrilege like that.”
― Jim Butcher, Changes

“Listen, Professor,” said Julian. “I know all of this is very strange to you, and that you have a lot of questions. But I’m not equipped to answer those questions. We live in a world where very smart people, scientists and engineers, make things so that the rest of us stupid people don’t have to understand how they work. It’s great for us. It allows us to have all sorts of luxuries without having the first clue as to how they work.”
― Robert Bevan, Critical Failures III: A Storm of S-Words

“The doctors had been impressed that I was even alive. When I had asked one of them approximately how much blood I had lost, he had responded wryly with "most of it.”
― Larry Correia, Monster Hunter International

“Mordechai, I swear that if you screw up and kill me, I'm going to be pissed. If I end up a ghost, I'm gonna be kicking your ghost ass for eternity.”
― Larry Correia, Monster Hunter International

“Insanity and genius are two sides of the same hand-knitted tea cosy,’ Drakeforth”
― Paul Mannering, Engines of Empathy

“We stepped around the steaming remains of the cows’ initial shock and climbed into the helicopter. Six”
― Paul Mannering, Engines of Empathy

“A master is merely someone who started doing something before you,’ Hoptoad said.”
― Paul Mannering, Engines of Empathy

“No.’ I started pushing the trolley again. ‘If we quit now and later on realise that things could have got an awful lot worse, we’ll kick ourselves for giving up when things were going quite well.”
― Paul Mannering, Engines of Empathy

“but all things considered, he could go a very long time not being run over by a Volvo again and feel just dandy about it. He”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel

“He had broken one of the cardinal rules—Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself—and he’d been loving life ever since. They”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel

“IKEA,” chanted the dead. “First we feast, then IKEA. First we feast, then IKEA.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel

“Nothing says Christmas like a burning meth lab.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel

“Power in Balance. Balance in Power.”
― V.E. Schwab, A Darker Shade of Magic

“Aww!” said Kizzy, clasping her hands over her heart. “You’re a physics virgin!”
― Becky Chambers, The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet

“That Humans make everything needlessly difficult.” Ashby”
― Becky Chambers, The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet

“I have never understood potatoes,” Sissix said. “The whole point of a potato is to cover it with salt so you don’t notice how bland it is. Why not just get a salt lick and skip the potato?” “Don’t”
― Becky Chambers, The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet

“Recently I learned this amazing thing. If you become addicted to pain killers, it can go very, very wrong for you. Who knew?”
― Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

“Well, when the Enquirer becomes your standard for living, you’re in a lot of trouble! When”
― Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

“instant gratification takes too long.” Anyway,”
― Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

“I heard someone say once that many of us only seem able to find heaven by backing away from hell.”
― Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

“He seemed more like a succession of extraordinary events than a person.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

“Odd,” agreed Reg. “I’ve certainly never come across any irreversible mathematics involving sofas. Could be a new field.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

“Usually it’s very relaxing to be with someone who’s so self-absorbed, because it doesn’t make any demands on you.”
― Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul