How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn Quotes

“But it’s hard to get through to someone with the emotional development of the average ferret”
― Mike Cooley, How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn

“I don’t need no drama with no girls with such low self-esteem they can’t even date someone who’s still alive. I mean, who needs that? And the whining! It’s just too much”
― Mike Cooley, How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn

“First I tried some Neil Diamond, thinking that if anything was going to make the undead run for the hills it would be a nice, loud rendition of Cracklin’ Rosie. But those coldsickles actually seemed to enjoy it. Very disturbing.”
― Mike Cooley, How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn