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  • #1
    Jasper Fforde
    “Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you working on this?’

    Lady Cavendish stood up and gathered her thoughts. ‘Indeed. The uses of had had and that that have to be strictly controlled; they can interrupt the imaginotransference quite dramatically, causing readers to go back over the sentence in confusion, something we try to avoid.’

    ‘Go on.’

    ‘It’s mostly an unlicensed-usage problem. At the last count David Copperfield alone had had had had sixty three times, all but ten unapproved. Pilgrim’s Progress may also be a problem due to its had had/that that ratio.’

    ‘So what’s the problem in Progress?’

    ‘That that had that that ten times but had had had had only thrice. Increased had had usage had had to be overlooked, but not if the number exceeds that that that usage.’

    ‘Hmm,’ said the Bellman, ‘I thought had had had had TGC’s approval for use in Dickens? What’s the problem?’

    ‘Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example,’ said Lady Cavendish. ‘You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not.’

    ‘So the problem with that other that that was that…?’

    ‘That that other-other that that had had approval.’

    ‘Okay’ said the Bellman, whose head was in danger of falling apart like a chocolate orange, ‘let me get this straight: David Copperfield, unlike Pilgrim’s Progress, had had had, had had had had. Had had had had TGC’s approval?’

    There was a very long pause. ‘Right,’ said the Bellman with a sigh, ‘that’s it for the moment. I’ll be giving out assignments in ten minutes. Session’s over – and let’s be careful out there.”
    Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots

  • #2
    Jasper Fforde
    “The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.”
    Jasper Fforde, Shades of Grey

  • #3
    Jasper Fforde
    “The youthful stationmaster wore a Blue Spot on his uniform and remonstrated with the driver that the train was a minute late, and that he would have to file a report.

    The driver retorted that since there could be no material differene between a train that arrived at a station and a station that arrived at a train, it was equally the staionmaster's fault.

    The stationmaster replied that he could not be blamed, because he had no control over the speed of the station; to which the engine driver replied that the stationmaster could control its placement, and that if it were only a thousand yards closer to Vermillion, the problem would be solved.

    To this the stationmaster replied that if the driver didn't accept the lateness as his fault, he would move the station a thousand yards farther from Vermillion and make him not just late, but demeritably overdue.”
    Jasper Fforde, Shades of Grey

  • #4
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”
    P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves!

  • #5
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”
    P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

  • #6
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.”
    P.G. Wodehouse , Uneasy Money

  • #7
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “I always advise people never to give advice.”
    P.G. Wodehouse

  • #8
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when". ”
    P.G. Wodehouse

  • #9
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “A certain critic -- for such men, I regret to say, do exist -- made the nasty remark about my last novel that it contained 'all the old Wodehouse characters under different names.' He has probably by now been eaten by bears, like the children who made mock of the prophet Elisha: but if he still survives he will not be able to make a similar charge against Summer Lightning. With my superior intelligence, I have out-generalled the man this time by putting in all the old Wodehouse characters under the same names. Pretty silly it will make him feel, I rather fancy.”
    P.G. Wodehouse, Summer Moonshine

  • #10
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.”
    P.G. Wodehouse

  • #11
    The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at
    “The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.”
    P.G. Wodehouse, The Adventures of Sally

  • #12
    “If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?”
    Tom Snyder

  • #13
    Frank B. Gilbreth Jr.
    “Dad himself used to tell a story about one time when Mother went off to fill a lecture engagement and left him in charge at home. When Mother returned, she asked him if everything had run smoothly.
    Didn't have any trouble except with that one over there,' he replied. 'But a spanking brought him into line.'
    Mother could handle any crisis without losing her composure.
    That's not one of ours, dear,' she said. 'He belongs next door.”
    Frank B. Gilbreth Jr., Cheaper by the Dozen

  • #14
    Oscar Wilde
    “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”
    Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

  • #15
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “One of the Georges - I forget which - once said that a certain number of hours' sleep each night - I cannot recall at the moment how many - made a man something which for the time being has slipped my memory.”
    P.G. Wodehouse, Mike and Psmith

  • #17
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.”
    P. G. Wodehouse

  • #18
    Agatha Christie
    “It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them. ”
    Agatha Christie, Agatha Christie: An Autobiography

  • #19
    Agatha Christie
    “It is really a hard life. Men will not be nice to you if you are not good-looking, and women will not be nice to you if you are.”
    Agatha Christie, The Man in the Brown Suit

  • #20
    Agatha Christie
    “I know there's a proverb which that says 'To err is human,' but a human error is nothing to what a computer can do if it tries.”
    Agatha Christie, Hallowe'en Party

  • #21
    Agatha Christie
    “Then there are some minor points that strike me as suggestive - for instance, the position of Mrs. Hubbard's sponge bag, the name of Mrs. Armstrong's mother, the detective methods of Mr. Hardman, the suggestion of Mr. MacQueen that Ratchett himself destroyed the charred note we found, Princess Dragomiroff's Christian name, and a grease spot on a Hungarian passport.”
    Agatha Christie, Murder on the Orient Express

  • #22
    Carol Kendall
    “The turtle whose head
    Is within his shell
    Thinks the world outside
    Is going well.”
    Carol Kendall, The Gammage Cup

  • #23
    James Thurber
    “Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?”
    James Thurber

  • #24
    Georgette Heyer
    “As for the fan, she agreed that it was a most amusing trifle: just what she would wish to buy for herself, if it had not been so excessively ugly!”
    Georgette Heyer, The Nonesuch

  • #25
    James Thurber
    “Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy, wealthy, and dead. ”
    James Thurber

  • #26
    James Thurber
    “Don't get it right, get it written.”
    James Thurber

  • #27
    James Thurber
    “With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.”
    James Thurber

  • #28
    James Thurber
    “It was Lisa, aged five, whose mother asked her to thank my wife for the peas we had sent them from our garden. 'I thought the peas were awful, I wish you and Mrs. Thurber were dead, and I hate trees,' said Lisa.”
    James Thurber
    tags: humor

  • #29
    James Thurber
    “I hate women because they always remember where things are.”
    James Thurber

  • #30
    James Thurber
    “Mutual suspicions of mental inadequacy are common during the first year of any marriage.”
    James Thurber

  • #31
    James Thurber
    “Two is company, four is a party, three is a crowd. One is a wanderer.”
    James Thurber



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