Ryan B > Ryan's Quotes

“[from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"]

At the end of the first round, I will award three points to Mr. Kaine for an excellent nonspecific condemnation, plus one bonus point for blaming the previous government and another for successfully mutating the question to promote the party line. Mr. van de Poste gets a point for a firm rebuttal, but only two points for his condemnation, as he tried to inject an impartial and intelligent observation.”
― Jasper Fforde, Something Rotten

“I sincerely apologize for copying your wife without her knowledge or permission.”
― Ernest Cline, Ready Player Two

“But Senlin knew that while tyrants had many strengths, their weakness was generally the same. They were gullible. For the tyrant, there were no reigning facts, no universal systems of inquiry, no demonstrable truths. Because they preferred their own rationalization to reason, their dogma to discourse, the main means a tyrant had for testing another man’s integrity and loyalty were oaths and intuition. But since the tyrants had no choice but to teach everyone exactly what they wished to hear, they were simple to pander to and easy to fool.”
― Josiah Bancroft, The Hod King

“Funny thing about those Middle Ages,” said Joseph. “They just keep coming back. Mortals keep thinking they’re in Modern Times, you know, they get all this neat technology and pass all these humanitarian laws, and then something happens: there’s an economic crisis, or science makes some discovery people can’t deal with. And boom, people go right back to burning Jews and selling pieces of the true Cross. Don’t you ever make the mistake of thinking that mortals want to live in a golden age. They hate thinking.”
― Kage Baker, In the Garden of Iden: The First Company Novel

“True conspiracies are inflexible and susceptible to discovery, but imaginary plots are ever evolving and, as a result, invulnerable. That is to say, conspiracies are perishable, paranoia is not.”
― Josiah Bancroft, The Fall of Babel

“People only read what they already believe to be true, and if they encounter something that seems to disagree with their beliefs, they bend it into agreement, and if it cannot be bent, then they call it a conspiracy and cast it away!”
― Josiah Bancroft, The Fall of Babel

“Second, you should know that if you choose to be a tyrant, you are conscripting yourself to a life of paranoia and isolation. Your reign will be defined by treachery, rebellion, and terror of your own dwindling faculties. I have conducted a survey of history and found that the most common causes of death among dictators are beheading, dismembering, disemboweling, hanging, and poisoning. Have you never wondered why the bullies of the past are always anemic, impotent, depraved, incestuous, deformed bedwetters? It's because their obituaries were written by their victims, written by the very men and women who pulled down their pants and chopped off their heads. So shall it be for you. You will live in fear, die in violence, and your name will be scorned for generations. Ruminate upon your fate young man, that is all I have to say to you.”
― Josiah Bancroft, The Fall of Babel

“They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to.
This book is dedicated to those fine men.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“A society that has to burn witches to hold itself together is a society that has already failed, and just doesn't know it yet.”
― Charlie Jane Anders, All the Birds in the Sky

“Clarke’s Second Law of Egodynamics: “For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.”
― Jasper Fforde, One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“All three were experts, and all three had conflicting views. I was reminded of Clarke's Second Law of Egodynamics: 'For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.”
― Jasper Fforde, One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

“The best way I’ve ever summed up the war as I see it is that one side, our side, sees a foul as being against the rules, and if you do it too many times you have to be removed. The other side, Jimmy’s side, sees fouls as things you’re allowed to get caught doing several times, and if you don’t, you aren’t trying hard enough.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“She was named Jocaminca fforkes, with two small 'f's - as if having two 'f's wasn't pretentious enough”
― Jasper Fforde, The Constant Rabbit