Off to Be the Wizard Quotes

“He had spent a lot of time thinking about himself, and had come to the conclusion that he was definitely not self-absorbed.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“You know, the less you talk, the more people assume that what you’re not saying is important.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“You see, faith doesn’t have to make sense. If it did, it wouldn’t be faith, it would be logic.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“It’s amazing how quickly we get used to weirdness when it’s our own weirdness.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“One voice at the back said something about her weighing the same as a duck, but nobody was in the mood.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“They couldn’t prove themselves right, so they channeled their energies into proving the other side wrong.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“He tried to come up with a word that meant “witch,” that didn’t have any insulting or demeaning overtones. He couldn’t. In fact, after some thought, he couldn’t think of a word that meant female that men hadn’t imbued with some belittling shade of meaning. Finally, after a much longer silence than he had intended, he simply said, “I can understand why.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“The advantage that religion has over magic or science is that man’s inability to understand is built into the system, so if an explanation is confusing or unsatisfying, it strengthens the point.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“As long as people are sure you’re doing something, they don’t worry too much about what.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“The day we stop learning is the day we stop living.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“He noticed that the two men shared three eyebrows and three working eyes between them, but the distribution was not uniform.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“In fact, after some thought, he couldn’t think of a word that meant female that men hadn’t imbued with some belittling shade of meaning.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“The guys from Norway, Magnus and Magnus, had little bits of fur on their robes as trim, which wasn’t necessary, as the shell made sure they were never cold. They were from the late nineties, and had both chosen their names to honor the world’s strongest man, Magnus Ver Magnusson. Their interests included Vikings, heavy metal, and fulfilling stereotypes.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“They’re algorithms, created automatically by another algorithm to accomplish who knows what for we don’t know who!”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Fix what? The timeline? The space-time continuum? Gnarly, unfillable plot holes?”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“That’s a big part of why I hate him. If he were wrong about everything I could just dismiss him as a moron, but he’s not. He’s smart, probably smarter than I am, so I have to take him seriously.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“She swore me and Jimmy to secrecy because a female wizard is called a witch, and the locals have something of an attitude about witches.” Heads nodded in agreement. One voice at the back said something about her weighing the same as a duck, but nobody was in the mood.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Oh, Martin, is that it? I seem too nice and too harmless, so I must be hiding some sinister secret, like we're nothing but two-dimensional characters in some bad novel?”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“The fact that wristwatches weren’t invented yet made it difficult to look impatient, but he managed.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Phillip had many other food choices he could produce, but a selection of specialized burritos is all the variety most men need.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Sure, as a teenager he’d experimented with the whole pose, but found that rebelling against everything all the time was just too exhausting.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Here was a group of guys that would look right at home at a table in the cafeteria of the Googleplex, the Microsoft Redmond campus, or a science fiction convention, but they were in Medieval England, dressed as wizards, and they were all looking at Martin.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“He had the gaunt frame and unhealthy demeanor of a man who had gotten far too much fresh air and exercise.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“He drove to work, his car a sunny little island of calm in the middle of the swollen river of misery that was the morning commute.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“The following is intended to be a fun, comedic sci-fi/fantasy novel. Any similarity between the events described and how reality actually works is purely coincidental.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Near as I can tell, all of popular culture and most of the English language gets taken over sometime in the early nineties by something called The Simpsons.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“fifteen years old. Of late, he’s started acting differently. He’s withdrawn and secretive. He misbehaves. He talks back and says things that sound like nonsense. His parents think he’s become host to a demon.” “What do you think?” Martin asked. Bishop Galbraith gave Martin a hard, questioning look, then looked to Phillip. Phillip shook his head slightly. “Did you not hear me say that the lad’s fifteen?” the priest said.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“He looked at Phillip and said, “I love this plan! I’m excited to be a part of it. Let’s do it!” Phillip said, “Ghostbusters.” He smiled, part out of admiration, part because he was delighted to get a pop culture reference for once.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“Phillip shook his head. “I understand all of these specs, but the numbers are all so large, I don’t know what any of it means. What on earth can a person do with four gigabytes of RAM?” “Upgrade it immediately,” Martin answered.”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard

“He knew that the things the file allowed him to do would seem like magic to anyone who witnessed them. If he was going to escape to a point in the past, it should be a time when magic was believed to exist. That way, instead of people yelling, “Magic! It must be some kind of trick! Let’s beat him until he tells us the secret,” hopefully they would yell, “Magic! I’ve heard of that! I’ve never seen it in person, though!” The trick was finding a time and place where the next sentence wouldn’t be “Let’s burn him!”
― Scott Meyer, Off to Be the Wizard