Stephen > Stephen's Quotes

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  • #1
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #2
    “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
    Narcotics Anonymous

  • #3
    Mark Twain
    “If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
    Mark Twain

  • #4
    Oscar Wilde
    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
    Oscar Wilde

  • #5
    Maya Angelou
    “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
    Maya Angelou

  • #6
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    Jim Henson

  • #7
    Mae West
    “I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
    Mae West

  • #8
    H.L. Mencken
    “The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”
    H.L. Mencken

  • #9
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    Mark Twain

  • #10
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    Terry Pratchett, Diggers

  • #11
    Rudyard Kipling
    “I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.”
    Rudyard Kipling, Under The Deodars

  • #12
    Christopher Moore
    “There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.”
    Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

  • #13
    Mark Twain
    “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
    Mark Twain

  • #14
    Steven Wright
    “I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
    Steven Wright

  • #15
    Herman Wouk
    “When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”
    Herman Wouk

  • #16
    George Bernard Shaw
    “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
    George Bernard Shaw, Immaturity

  • #17
    Groucho Marx
    “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #18
    Robin  Williams
    “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
    Robin Williams

  • #19
    Steven Wright
    “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    Steven Wright

  • #20
    Woody Allen
    “I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”
    Woody Allen

  • #21
    H.L. Mencken
    “Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.”
    H. L. Mencken, A Little Book In C Major

  • #22
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    Paul Terry

  • #23
    Erma Bombeck
    “I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food”
    Erma Bombeck

  • #24
    W.C. Fields
    “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
    W.C. Fields

  • #25
    Terry Pratchett
    “Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.”
    Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

  • #26
    Carl Sagan
    “But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
    Carl Sagan, Broca's Brain: Reflections on the Romance of Science



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