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#1

“First, I blow a hole in your face; then I go back inside, and sleep like a baby... I guarantee you.”
― Clint Eastwood

tags: humour

62 likes

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#2

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148708 likes

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#3

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
― Markus Herz

tags: books, health, humor, misattributed-mark-twain, misprints

13739 likes

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#4

“We'd thought that we were among the first humans to invade this basin, but humans had invaded everything, everywhere. They didn't have to walk into a place to invade it.”
― John Marsden, Tomorrow, When the War Began

53 likes

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#5

“Do ya' feel lucky, punk?”
― Clint Eastwood

tags: dirty-harry, luck

55 likes

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#6

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

tags: attributed-no-source, best, life, love, misattributed-marilyn-monroe, mistakes, out-of-control, truth, worst

165491 likes

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#8

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
― Narcotics Anonymous

tags: humor, insanity, life, misattributed-ben-franklin, misattributed-mark-twain, misattributed-to-einstein

64738 likes

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#9

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
― Mark Twain

tags: lies, lying, memory, truth

92423 likes

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#10

“So many books, so little time.”
― Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor

152056 likes

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#11

“Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

tags: friendship

88185 likes

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#12

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

tags: life

109510 likes

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#13

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
― Steve Jobs

68263 likes

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#14

“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
― Allen Saunders

tags: fate, life, misattributed-john-lennon, planning, plans

43705 likes

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#15

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

tags: frost, glitter, gold, lost, poetry, roots, strength, strong, wander, wither

58175 likes

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#16

“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
― Mark Twain

tags: aliteracy, attributed-no-source, literacy

41050 likes

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#17

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins

24400 likes

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#18

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing

32160 likes

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#19

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

tags: edison, failure, inspirational, paraphrased

42364 likes

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#20

“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”
― Charles J. Sykes, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write or Add

tags: humor, misattributed-to-bill-gates, nerd, nerds, work

15549 likes

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#21

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

tags: inspirational

33886 likes

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#22

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

tags: love

36870 likes

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#23

“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges

tags: books, library

29740 likes

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#24

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz

tags: chocolate, food, humor

26813 likes

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#25

“Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

BENEDICK
Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

BEATRICE
I took no more pains for those thanks than you take
pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would
not have come.

BENEDICK
You take pleasure then in the message?

BEATRICE
Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's
point ... You have no stomach,
signior: fare you well.

Exit

BENEDICK
Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in
to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that...”
― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

tags: better, never, once

153 likes

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#26

“A DEFINITION NOT FOUND
IN THE DICTIONARY
Not leaving: an act of trust and love,
often deciphered by children”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

tags: children, love

3705 likes

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#27

“It was a Monday and they walked on a tightrope to the sun.”
― Marcus Zusak, The Book Thief

725 likes

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#28

“It was a year for the ages, like 79, like 1346, to name just a few. Forget the scythe, Goddamn it, I needed a broom or a mop. And I needed a vacation. ”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

tags: death

290 likes

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#29

“As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]”
― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril

698 likes

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#30

“You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff.”
― Lemony Snicket

tags: running

214 likes

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#31

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
― Lemony Snicket

tags: fate, humor, simile

13151 likes

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Tags From aprille’s Quotes

humour
attributed-no-source
human-nature
humor
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
books
health
misattributed-mark-twain
misprints
dirty-harry
luck
best
life
love
misattributed-marilyn-monroe
mistakes
out-of-control
truth
worst
insanity
misattributed-ben-franklin
misattributed-to-einstein
lies
lying
memory
friendship
fate
misattributed-john-lennon
planning
plans
frost
glitter
gold
lost
poetry
roots
strength
strong
wander
wither
aliteracy
literacy
exercise
laziness
misattributed-to-hutchins
deadlines
work
writing
edison
failure
inspirational
paraphrased
misattributed-to-bill-gates
nerd
nerds
library
chocolate
food
better
never
once
children
death
running
simile