Mona > Mona's Quotes

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#1

“Well, for future reference, this is my serious face.”
― Derek Landy, Dark Days

228 likes

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#2

“Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.”
― Will Rogers

tags: appearances, credit, life, money, people, pride

920 likes

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#3

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148568 likes

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#4

“So many books, so little time.”
― Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor

151819 likes

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#5

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

tags: humor, life

119224 likes

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#6

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
― Narcotics Anonymous

tags: humor, insanity, life, misattributed-ben-franklin, misattributed-mark-twain, misattributed-to-einstein

64714 likes

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#7

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
― Garrison Keillor

tags: humor, religion

30273 likes

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#8

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women

28817 likes

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#9

“The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.”
― Alexandre Dumas-fils

tags: misattributed-to-einstein

21525 likes

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#10

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Jim Henson

26436 likes

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#11

“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
― Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life

25655 likes

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#12

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins

24401 likes

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#13

“Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”
― John Green

tags: humor, nerdfighters

21601 likes

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#14

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading, television

23110 likes

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#15

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz

tags: humor, mankind, people

18553 likes

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#16

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
― W.C. Fields

18673 likes

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#17

“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”
― Charles J. Sykes, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write or Add

tags: humor, misattributed-to-bill-gates, nerd, nerds, work

15551 likes

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#18

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin

tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth

19799 likes

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#19

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life

21207 likes

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#20

“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

tags: humor, rebellion, sarcasm

15178 likes

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#21

“Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.”
― Cassandra Clare

tags: humor, jace-wayland, simon-lewis

13657 likes

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#22

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

tags: humor, inspirational

9771 likes

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#23

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
― Oscar Levant

tags: genius, humor, insanity

9901 likes

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#24

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail

10185 likes

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#25

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

tags: humor

10164 likes

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#26

“He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

tags: humor, shampoo

10166 likes

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#27

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ

tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious

8923 likes

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#28

“Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.
Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.
Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

tags: harry-potter, humor, james-potter, remus-lupin, sirius-black, snape, wormtail

10339 likes

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#29

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

9407 likes

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#30

“Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again.
"So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking...”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

tags: death, humor, sarcasm

9383 likes

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appearances
credit
life
money
people
pride
attributed-no-source
human-nature
humor
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
books
insanity
misattributed-ben-franklin
misattributed-mark-twain
misattributed-to-einstein
religion
cats
women
death
fear
exercise
laziness
misattributed-to-hutchins
nerdfighters
reading
television
mankind
misattributed-to-bill-gates
nerd
nerds
work
lies
lying
self-indulgence
truth
calvin-and-hobbes
rebellion
sarcasm
jace-wayland
simon-lewis
inspirational
genius
friends
jail
shampoo
automobile
car
funny
religious
harry-potter
james-potter
remus-lupin
sirius-black
snape
wormtail