Zerogara Reshaaz > Zerogara's Quotes

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

“Never laugh at live dragons.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
― Dr. Seuss

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
― George Carlin

“I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?”
― Ronald Reagan

“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.”
― Woody Allen

“And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.”
― Woody Allen

“I thought you were all-seeing.”
All-knowing, not all-seeing!” he snapped. “I’m a God, not Santa Claus!”
― Kelley Armstrong, Industrial Magic

“Nick - Psycho-ass? You're bringing psycho-ass back?
Zarek - That's Mister Psycho-ass to you, punk.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dream Warrior

“You've got no sense of humor."

"I'm going to laugh really hard after I kick your ass.”
― J.D. Robb, Imitation in Death

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
― Cathy Guiswite

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Jim Henson

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

“True story
This morning I jumped on my horse
And went for a ride,
And some wild outlaws chased me
And shot me in the side.
So I crawled into a wildcats cave
To find a place to hide
But some pirates found me sleeping there
And soon they had me tied
To a pole and built a fire
Under me---I almost cried
Till a mermaid came and cut me loose
And begged to be my bride
So I said id come back Wednesday
But I must admit I lied.
Then I ran into a jungle swamp
But I forgot my guide
And I stepped into some quicksand
And no matter how hard I tried
I couldn’t get out, until I met
A watersnake named Clyde
Who pulled me to some cannibals
Who planned to have me fried
But an eagle came and swooped me up
And through the air we flied
But he dropped me in a boiling lake
A thousand miles wide
And you’ll never guess what I did then---
I DIED”
― Shel Silverstein

“You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”
― Jack London

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
― Groucho Marx

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx

“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.”
― Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”
― Robert Bloch

“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
― Steven Wright