Alan > Alan's Quotes

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  • #1
    Spike Milligan
    “I have a body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”
    ― Spike Milligan
    42 likes

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  • #2
    Douglas Adams
    “The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
    ― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything
    tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor
    4988 likes

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  • #3
    Maurice Switzer
    “It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
    ― Maurice Switzer, Mrs. Goose, Her Book
    tags: misattributed-to-abraham-lincoln, misattributed-to-mark-twain, remaining-silent, wisdom
    44332 likes

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  • #4
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    ― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx
    tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
    37988 likes

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  • #5
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    ― Paul Terry
    tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins
    24393 likes

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  • #6
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing
    32144 likes

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  • #7
    Groucho Marx
    “Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”
    ― Groucho Marx
    319 likes

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  • #8
    Doris Lessing
    “As you get older, you don't get wiser. You get irritable.”
    ― Doris Lessing
    tags: age
    180 likes

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  • #9
    Groucho Marx
    “A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
    ― Groucho Marx
    tags: funny, simplicity
    678 likes

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  • #10
    Groucho Marx
    “She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”
    ― Groucho Marx
    406 likes

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  • #11
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Diggers
    tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
    21432 likes

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  • #12
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
    “I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: humor, mankind, people
    18544 likes

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  • #13
    Markus Herz
    “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
    ― Markus Herz
    tags: books, health, humor, misattributed-mark-twain, misprints
    13739 likes

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  • #14
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor
    9933 likes

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  • #15
    Jerome K. Jerome
    “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
    ― Jerome K. Jerome
    tags: humor, work
    8140 likes

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  • #16
    A.A. Milne
    “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
    ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
    tags: humor, idleness, inspirational
    5368 likes

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  • #17
    Arthur C. Clarke
    “I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”
    ― Arthur C. Clarke
    tags: extraterrestrials, humor, intelligent-life, life, science, universe
    4056 likes

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  • #18
    George Carlin
    “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: fighting, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, peace, sex
    4254 likes

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  • #19
    Mae West
    “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: humor, sex
    2572 likes

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  • #20
    George Carlin
    “Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: animals, cats, dogs, humor, language
    2148 likes



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Tags From Alan’s Quotes

flight
flying
hg2g
humor
misattributed-to-abraham-lincoln
misattributed-to-mark-twain
remaining-silent
wisdom
animals
books
dogs
friends
exercise
laziness
misattributed-to-hutchins
deadlines
humour
work
writing
age
funny
simplicity
open-mind
thinking
mankind
people
health
misattributed-mark-twain
misprints
idleness
inspirational
extraterrestrials
intelligent-life
life
science
universe
fighting
misattributed-george-carlin
peace
sex
cats
language