Alan > Alan's Quotes

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  • #1
    Spike Milligan
    “I have a body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”
    Spike Milligan

  • #2
    Douglas Adams
    “The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
    Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

  • #3
    Maurice Switzer
    “It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
    Maurice Switzer, Mrs. Goose, Her Book

  • #4
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

  • #5
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    Paul Terry

  • #6
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

  • #7
    Groucho Marx
    “Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #8
    Doris Lessing
    “As you get older, you don't get wiser. You get irritable.”
    Doris Lessing
    tags: age

  • #9
    Groucho Marx
    “A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #10
    Groucho Marx
    “She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #11
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    Terry Pratchett, Diggers

  • #12
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
    “I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
    Charles M. Schulz

  • #13
    Markus Herz
    “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
    Markus Herz

  • #14
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #15
    Jerome K. Jerome
    “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
    Jerome K. Jerome

  • #16
    A.A. Milne
    “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
    A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

  • #17
    Arthur C. Clarke
    “I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”
    Arthur C. Clarke

  • #18
    George Carlin
    “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
    George Carlin

  • #19
    Mae West
    “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”
    Mae West

  • #20
    George Carlin
    “Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
    George Carlin



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