Randy Lander > Randy's Quotes

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  • #1
    Jon   Stewart
    “Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.”
    Jon Stewart

  • #2
    J.K. Rowling
    “If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”
    J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

  • #3
    Jerry Seinfeld
    “Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”
    Jerry Seinfeld

  • #4
    Jerry Seinfeld
    “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”
    Jerry Seinfeld

  • #5
    Jerry Seinfeld
    “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
    Jerry Seinfeld

  • #6
    William Goldman
    “Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
    William Goldman, Four Screenplays with Essays: Marathon Man - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - The Princess Bride - Misery

  • #7
    Steve  Martin
    “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    Steve Martin

  • #8
    Steve  Martin
    “Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
    Steve Martin

  • #9
    Steve  Martin
    “The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.”
    steve martin

  • #10
    Steve  Martin
    “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
    Steve Martin

  • #11
    Barack Obama
    “In the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.”
    Barack Obama

  • #12
    Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. [Remarks on the first
    “Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable."

    [Remarks on the first anniversary of the Alliance for Progress, 13 March 1962]”
    John F. Kennedy

  • #13
    Barack Obama
    “If there's a child on the south side of Chicago who can't read, that matters to me, even if it's not my child. If there's a senior citizen somewhere who can't pay for their prescription, who has to choose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer - even if it's not my grandparent. If there's an Arab-American or Mexican-American family being rounded up by John Ashcroft without benefit of an attorney or due process, I know that that threatens my civil liberties. And I don't have to be a woman to be concerned that the Supreme Court is trying to take away a woman's right, because I know that my rights are next. It is that fundamental belief - I am my brother’s keeper, I am my sister’s keeper - that makes this country work.”
    Barack Obama

  • #14
    Barack Obama
    “No one is pro-abortion. ”
    Barack Obama

  • #15
    Barack Obama
    “I believe in evolution, scientific inquiry, and global warming; I believe in free speech, whether politically correct or politically incorrect, and I am suspicious of using government to impose anybody's religious beliefs -including my own- on nonbelievers.”
    Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream

  • #16
    Barack Obama
    “What I’ve realized is that life doesn’t count for much unless you’re willing to do your small part to leave our children — all of our children — a better world. Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”
    Barack Obama

  • #17
    Barack Obama
    “This election is about the past vs. the future. It's about whether we settle for the same divisions and distractions and drama that passes for politics today or whether we reach for a politics of common sense and innovation, a politics of shared sacrifice and shared prosperity. There are those who will continue to tell us that we can't do this, that we can't have what we're looking for, that we can't have what we want, that we're peddling false hopes. But here is what I know. I know that when people say we can't overcome all the big money and influence in Washington, I think of that elderly woman who sent me a contribution the other day, an envelope that had a money order for $3.01 along with a verse of scripture tucked inside the envelope. So don't tell us change isn't possible. That woman knows change is possible. When I hear the cynical talk that blacks and whites and Latinos can't join together and work together, I'm reminded of the Latino brothers and sisters I organized with and stood with and fought with side by side for jobs and justice on the streets of Chicago. So don't tell us change can't happen. When I hear that we'll never overcome the racial divide in our politics, I think about that Republican woman who used to work for Strom Thurmond, who is now devoted to educating inner city-children and who went out into the streets of South Carolina and knocked on doors for this campaign. Don't tell me we can't change. Yes, we can. Yes, we can change. Yes, we can.

    Yes, we can heal this nation. Yes, we can seize our future. And as we leave this great state with a new wind at our backs and we take this journey across this great country, a country we love, with the message we carry from the plains of Iowa to the hills of New Hampshire, from the Nevada desert to the South Carolina coast, the same message we had when we were up and when we were down, that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we will hope.



    And where we are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in three simple words -- yes, we can.”
    Barack Obama

  • #18
    Stephen Colbert
    “It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.”
    Stephen Colbert

  • #19
    Stephen Colbert
    “There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.”
    Stephen Colbert

  • #20
    Stephen Colbert
    “The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.”
    Stephen Colbert

  • #21
    Jon   Stewart
    “You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”
    Jon Stewart

  • #22
    Jon   Stewart
    “If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”
    Jon Stewart

  • #23
    Jon   Stewart
    “Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.”
    Jon Stewart

  • #24
    Jeff Smith
    “Smiley Bone: You can't feel safe unless there's something to be safe against!

    Phoney Bone: Exactly! People like to be victims! There's a certain unassailable moral superiority about it...”
    Jeff Smith, Bone, Vol. 4: The Dragonslayer



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