Bryce > Bryce's Quotes

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  • #1
    Bernard M. Baruch
    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
    Bernard M. Baruch

  • #2
    William W. Purkey
    “You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
    Love like you'll never be hurt,
    Sing like there's nobody listening,
    And live like it's heaven on earth.”
    William W. Purkey

  • #3
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #4
    Maurice Switzer
    “It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
    Maurice Switzer, Mrs. Goose, Her Book

  • #5
    Dr. Seuss
    “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
    Dr. Seuss

  • #6
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

  • #7
    Oscar Wilde
    “I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
    Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

  • #8
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    Paul Terry

  • #9
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    Jim Henson

  • #10
    Woody Allen
    “I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
    Woody Allen

  • #11
    Rita Mae Brown
    “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
    Rita Mae Brown

  • #12
    W.C. Fields
    “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
    W.C. Fields

  • #13
    “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
    Anthony G. Oettinger

  • #14
    Groucho Marx
    “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #15
    Steven Wright
    “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    Steven Wright

  • #16
    Douglas Coupland
    “TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.”
    Douglas Coupland, JPod

  • #17
    Colleen Hoover
    “Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
    Colleen Hoover, Point of Retreat

  • #18
    Dave Barry
    “No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.”
    Dave Barry

  • #19
    Dave Barry
    “Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'
    Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?
    Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?'
    Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?”
    Dave Barry

  • #20
    Dave Barry
    “Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.”
    Dave Barry

  • #21
    Dave Barry
    “I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”
    Dave Barry

  • #22
    Dave Barry
    “I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.”
    Dave Barry, Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, But Some Actual Journalism!

  • #23
    Dave Barry
    “Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”
    Dave Barry

  • #24
    J.M. Barrie
    “To die will be an awfully big adventure.”
    J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

  • #25
    Laura Ingalls Wilder
    “The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.”
    Laura Ingalls Wilder

  • #26
    George S. Kaufman
    “Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Penny, why don't you write a play about Ism-Mania?
    Penny Sycamore: Ism-Mania?
    Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Yeah, sure, you know, Communism, Faschism, Voodoo-ism, everybody's got an -ism these days.
    Penny Sycamore: Oh
    [laughs]
    Penny Sycamore: I thought it was some kind of itch or something.
    Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well, it's just as catching. When things go a little bad nowadays, you go out, get yourself an -ism and you're in business. ”
    George S. Kaufman, You Can't Take it With You
    tags: humor

  • #27
    Steve  Martin
    “Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
    Steve Martin

  • #28
    Steve  Martin
    “I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.”
    Steve Martin

  • #29
    Groucho Marx
    “I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
    Groucho Marx, Groucho and Me

  • #30
    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”
    Ernest Benn



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