JPod Quotes

“TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Here's my theory about meetings and life: the three things you can't fake are erections, competence and creativity.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Please stop putting quotes from Nietzsche at the end of your emails. Five years ago you were laughing your guts out over American Pie 2. What — suddenly you’ve magically turned into Noam Chomsky?”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Remember how, back in 1990, if you used a cellphone in public you looked like a total asshole? We're all assholes now.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Hasn't it been a long time since you had a flying dream?”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“I think computers ought to have a key called I'M DRUNK, and when you push it, it prevents you from sending email for twelve hours.

I've got another one: a key called FUCK OFF. You press it every time your computer does something annoying -- in turn this would somehow force your computer to experience pain. And if you pushed SHIFT/FUCK OFF, you'd end up with FUCK OFF AND DIE, the computer equivalent of a razor being raked across your nipples.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“You know what the best thing is about the end of the day? Tomorrow, it starts all over again.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Gore is nature's way of saying, "There are too many human beings on the planet, and I'm trying to rectify this any way I can. SARS didn't work, but trust me, I'm cooking up something better. In the interim, please kill lots of yourselves.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“The only way to the top is killing and greed. Okay, I’m kidding. But killing helps.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Kaitlin said, "I'm so sick of that 'Greatest Generation' crap. We finally drove a silver nail through the heart of Generation X, only to have this new monster rear its head. And I'm soooooo sick of Tom Hanks looking earnest all the time. They should make a Tom Hanks movie where Tom kills off Greatest Generation figureheads one by one."

Bree arrived on cue: "And then he starts killing other generations. He becomes this supernova of hate--all he wants to do is destroy."

"Hate clings to him like a rich, lathery shampoo. His lungs secrete it like anthrax foam."

Mom lost it. "Stop it! All of you! Tom Hanks is a fine actor who would never hurt anybody. At least not onscreen."

I thought, 'Hey, didn't Tom Hanks mow down half of Chicago in "Road to Perdition?"' Well, whatever.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Personne n'est émotionnellement vide.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“I'm going to see Princess Mononoke tonight at the Ridge — and you're coming with me.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“How strange that all you have to do sometimes to meet somebody is walk up to their house and ring a doorbell, and magically they appear as if from nowhere.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Statemi a sentire: il lunedì fa schifo perchè sei arrabbiato per non aver potuto dormire fino a tardi, inoltre è anche il giorno in cui avviene il sessanta per cento delle riunioni che ti rovinano la vita. Il martedì fa schifo perchè ci sono ancora quattro giorni lavorativi da superare; odi te stesso e il mondo perchè sei intrappolato nella ruota per criceti chiamata vita, schiavo della paga. Il mercoledì è terribile perchè ti rendi conto, verso mezzogiorno, che è finita metà della settimana lavorativa ma il fatto che tu veda la vita in questo modo significa che non sei nient'altro che la terza vignetta di quel vecchio fumetto che non faceva ridere, Cathy, quella in cui lei si rende conto di essere una grassa zitella solitaria e le si drizzano i capelli in testa e fa un grido tipo aughhhhhh! Il venerdì è terribile perchè ti senti come un topolino da laboratorio che aspetta che il cibo venga messo nella sua gabbia, e in questo caso il cibo è il weekend. Il sabato va bene ma appena bene. E la domenica, come ho già detto, è la giornata dimenticata dal tempo, in cui non succede niente e ti ritrovi, perversamente, a desiderare che sia di nuovo lunedì. Per cui, il massimo sarebbe una settimana fatta di giovedì. Tutti sono di buonumore, la gente fa davvero quello che deve e un luccichio di sabato rende tutto più brillante.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Ho chiesto a Kaitlin qualcosa sull'ironia ed è saltato fuori che solo il venti per cento degli esseri umani possiede il senso dell'ironia - il che significa che l'ottanta per cento del pianeta prende tutto seriamente. Non riesco a immaginare qualcosa di peggio. Okay, forse si, ci riesco, ma immaginate di leggere il giornale del mattino credendo che sia tutto vero, in qualche misura.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“After playing Halo 2 for 3 hours, I went out and mowed down a Red Cross blood bank, raped anything with a pulse, and trashed the local mall. Then I toasted the gods of destruction with a goblet of blood stolen from a Girl Guide's body.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“Kam smiled as if to say, Look, fools! You think you’re so smart and politically correct and all of that, but the Chinese mastered the art of jargon-twisting-to-get-what-you-want back before your sweet Jesus was a holy zygote.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“win a game of Scrabble using only three vowels. He can also bring fresh air into an unventilated bathroom, and he can renovate castles and huts on small budgets using knick-knacks from thrift stores and some well-chosen latex paint colours.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“only twenty percent of human beings have a sense of irony—which means that eighty percent of the world takes everything at face value. I can’t imagine anything worse than that. Okay, maybe I can, but imagine reading the morning newspaper and believing it all to be true on some level.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“It’s called ’designer prisoner-of-conscience labour.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

“This guy here on the screen—" Coupland turned up his laptop to show me the JPEG of the Chinese guy in Tiananmen Square. "Know what he’s doing now? He’s working out this co-sponsor deal with Verizon Wireless and Pizza Hut.”
― Douglas Coupland, JPod

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― Douglas Coupland, JPod