Mathew > Mathew's Quotes

“Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn't it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand new!
A new year ... a fresh, clean start! It's like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on! A day full of possibilities! It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy ... let's go exploring!”
― Bill Watterson, It's a Magical World

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
― Bill Watterson

“The problem about the future is that it keeps turning into the present.”
― Bill Watterson

“Sleepwalking?"
"Nightmare?"
"Homicidal psycho jungle cat!”
― Bill Watterson, Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!"
"If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.”
― Bill Watterson

“The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!"
"No he doesn't!"
"He doesn't?"
"NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!"
"A traitor!"
"Calvin breaks for the goal."
"Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!"
"Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!"
"Huh?!"
"When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!"
"Hidden?!"
"You'll never find it in a million years!"
"I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!"
"Ah, so you might think so..."
"In fact, I know so!"
"But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!"
"But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!"
"But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!"
"That would be true... if I were a football player!"
"You mean...?"
"I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!"
"And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!"
"Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall."
"No cheating!”
― Bill Watterson

“How come we play war and not peace?"
"Too few role models.”
― Bill Watterson

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
― Bill Watterson

“I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
― Bill Watterson

“Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report?
Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes."
Calvin: Academia, here I come!”
― Bill Watterson, Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”
― Bill Watterson, The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book

“I'd hate to have a kid like me.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.”
― Bill Watterson

“Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”
― Alfred Tennyson

“Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were.”
― Bill Watterson

“Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.”
― Bill Watterson

“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
― Bill Watterson

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes