Lucas asked Laurie Halse Anderson:

You talk about coming from a dysfunctional family, I hope you don't mind my asking this but, did you ever reconcile with them?

Laurie Halse Anderson Yes. My dad started working again when I was in community college, and he moderated his drinking a bit. Things remained cordial, but we didn't see each other very often, once or twice a year. We had a superficial relationship, at best, though they loved their grandchildren.

Ten years ago it became clear that my parents (elderly by then) were no longer capable of taking care of themselves. My husband and I moved them back from Florida, where they had retired, to our little village in Northern NY, about two miles from our house. We spent a lot of time caring for first my mom, who died in 2009, then my father, who died earlier this year. We saw them pretty much every day, took them to doctors, grocery store, cooked, cleaned, etc.

Instead of being burdensome, those last years together were an incredible blessing. We had all survived the horrible years, we had all matured. We were able to forgive the sad choices and enjoy the time we had left.

My parents, like a lot of parents, were overwhelmed by life when I was a teenager. They self-medicated and crawled into their shells instead of dealing with it. While I was really angry about that for years, I finally let go of my anger. I certainly made my own parenting mistakes (though I tried not to repeat theirs!).

I was fortunate enough to be able to hold them both as they died.

(Before you cue up the violins.... my sister remained estranged from our parents. Everyone has to find their own path and comfort.)

Thank you for asking this question. It's something I think I want to talk about more often.

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