Ross Willard
asked
Jason R. Richter:
Alright, since you seem to be aware of the major candy related conspiracies at work in the world today, perhaps you can answer this one: What is candy corn REALLY made of, and who profits from filling the stores with these every year?
Jason R. Richter
You are no doubt familiar with the Indonesian Palm Civit, the weasel-like rodent that eats raw coffee beans and poops out hundred dollar bills. I mean, high end fermented coffee beans.
What most people forget is the North American Maize Civit. These highly intelligent creatures were once more prolific that squirrels in North America and Canada. They were viewed as equals of men in Mayan and Aztec cultures, an honor rarely bestowed on quadrupeds.
As American Indians (I don't say Native American, you can talk to George Carlin about that if you disagree) bred corn from the hard-scrabble flowering weed that it was in ancient times, they noticed that the Civits ate it with relish but never fully digested it. Partially digested Civit corn was eventually used in holy rituals and was said to induce direct dialogue with the gods.
Unfortunately, European explorers wiped out most of the American Indians as well as the majority of the North American Maize Civit population. A few Civits survived, less than one hundred in North America right now, but they are slowly being bred in captivity to increase their ranks to pre-Explorer numbers.
Civit breeders manufacture candy corn in an attempt to remind us of corn's link to the gods. All profits from candy corn go to Civit re-population efforts.
One unsubstantiated rumor I've heard is that candy corn, like regular corn, does not digest in humans or Civits. Undigested human candy corn is said to be fed to Maize Civits and the undigested result, when eaten again by humans is unimaginable.
What most people forget is the North American Maize Civit. These highly intelligent creatures were once more prolific that squirrels in North America and Canada. They were viewed as equals of men in Mayan and Aztec cultures, an honor rarely bestowed on quadrupeds.
As American Indians (I don't say Native American, you can talk to George Carlin about that if you disagree) bred corn from the hard-scrabble flowering weed that it was in ancient times, they noticed that the Civits ate it with relish but never fully digested it. Partially digested Civit corn was eventually used in holy rituals and was said to induce direct dialogue with the gods.
Unfortunately, European explorers wiped out most of the American Indians as well as the majority of the North American Maize Civit population. A few Civits survived, less than one hundred in North America right now, but they are slowly being bred in captivity to increase their ranks to pre-Explorer numbers.
Civit breeders manufacture candy corn in an attempt to remind us of corn's link to the gods. All profits from candy corn go to Civit re-population efforts.
One unsubstantiated rumor I've heard is that candy corn, like regular corn, does not digest in humans or Civits. Undigested human candy corn is said to be fed to Maize Civits and the undigested result, when eaten again by humans is unimaginable.
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