I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life
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You, as an ace person, have to exist in the world.
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Microaggressions are everyday words, actions, or situations that, whether intentional or not, communicate negative and derogatory messages to a person based on their membership in a marginalized group.
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a meeting with a coworker. These environments and interactions should feel easy and safe, but microaggressions turn them into hostile ground.
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When you can no longer rely on the people and spaces you consider safe to be safe, that can take a heavy emotional and psychological toll.
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Microaggressions also inflict harm due to their frequency.
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Microaggressions are like death by a thousand cuts.
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idea that everyone must desire sex. It’s built on the idea that experiencing sexual attraction and desiring sexual intimacy are things we all share, things we all do by default.
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Asexuality is real. Asexual people exist. You and your experience occupy space in this world, and no one can take that fact from you.
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Medical professionals and mental health professionals should consider asexuality as normal and healthy as any other sexual orientation.
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You’re not too young to know what you’re feeling or what you’re experiencing.
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It’s okay to explore asexuality as an identity as a young person if it speaks to how you feel and what you experience.
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None of us can be sure we’ll be ace forever. Identity is fluid and can evo...
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“You just want to feel special.”
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Asexual people are sometimes accused of only embracing asexuality as a way to be “special,” to differentiate themselves from others, to brag about being part of an exclusive club, to look down on others who are “normal.”
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Allosexuality and asexuality exist together in a similar way.
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I hope one day you find someone who accepts you for what you are. You deserve that.
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helping ace folks feel empowered to live their best lives,
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And in regard to finding someone one day: I have! Two people, actually. I’m polyamorous, and I have two serious partners.
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it shouldn’t be a surprise that an allo person wanted to be in a relationship with an ace person, because we’re all more than just the sex we might or might not want to have.
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Can asexual people have relationships? Of course we can!
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You can be ace and have romantic relationships. You can be ace and develop powerful friendships.
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Your asexuality doesn’t mean you should be alone.
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How can you have a relationship and not have sex? Relationships can be formed and be successful without sex.
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Some focus on a single partner. Some fulfill separate needs with a multiplicity of partners.
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Just as there are countless ways to be a human, there are countless ways to connect your life to another human’s and form a bond.
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You can build something that works for you.
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For others, it’s just a decision to deprioritize romance to focus on growing and evolving themselves.
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aromanticism describes an experience of the world that does not include or only sometimes includes the experience of one of the attractions.
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Asexuality is concerned with an individual’s experience of sexual attraction. Aromanticism is concerned with an individual’s experience of romantic attraction.
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You can be asexual and still be alloromantic (experiencing romantic attraction).
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You can be aromantic and still be allosexual.
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When you feel comfortable sharing and when you feel it’s important to share is when it’s the right time.
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“What if it’s not a hurdle to overcome? What if it’s just a fact of yourself? One of many facts that are true of who you are.”
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it’s a fact of me that makes me broken, and—” “Who says it makes you broken?” “Everyone. My entire life, people have told me I’m not quite good enough.
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That shift in thinking was instrumental in my journey not only to love myself as an asexual person but to develop stronger relationships with my partners.
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They’re taking cues from you, and what you project, they’ll likely reflect.
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If you treat your asexuality as a problem or an obstacle, they’ll ...
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If you treat your asexuality as something worthy of respect, you stand a better chance ...
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treat your asexuality as a featur...
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Our asexuality is just a part of who we are, one facet of our complete story,
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Relationships are hard. Asexuality isn’t. Treat your own asexuality the way you want a partner to treat it. Lead by example.
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Any relationship structure you want to pursue that feels right to you and that provides you with the kind of security, support, and community you want is possible for you to explore.
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You have a right to ask for it.
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You have a right to build it with a willing partner. You have a right to sha...
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Monogamy Monogamy is the most common relationship structure out there,
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a relationship between two people that’s exclusive both sexually and emotionally.
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both partners consent to being the only other partner for the other person. There are no other romantic or emotional relationships formed. There ...
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Monogamy, like all other relationship structures, does not require sex. The only requirement of monogamy is exclusivity.
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Your fears, insecurities, and anxieties will be there, regardless of the relationship structure you choose.
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Choose it because it’s the kind of relationship you thrive in, the kind of relationship that allows you to be the full human being you are, not because it’s the one that’ll keep your terrors at bay.