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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Linda Hill
You’re already aware that something isn’t right. Your gut is rarely wrong.
Need of constant attention and admiration, and no matter how much they receive it never seems to be enough
Focus on superficial things (e.g. appearance, possessions, social status, etc.)
Deficit in their ability to regulate their self-esteem
Lack of emotional connection with others, and only associate with people they consider to be close to their own status ● Lack of respect for personal boundaries
negative reaction to criticism
narcissistic personalities are actually insecure to the point of being self-loathing,
could be why they treat others beneath them because that’s how they may see themselves.
Usually, they attach themselves to those who are considered popular and already receive special treatment, rather than actively seeking it out themselves. They get attention by playing the victim or through false generosity.
They’re sneaky and passive-aggressive in their approach and are able to manipulate without another person’s awareness at first.
Somatic: Individuals in this group are focused on their bodies, and judge others by their outward appearance. They are very likely to seek partners they can use as “shiny objects” to boost their visibility and popularity. They obsess about weight, physique, looks, and will criticize their partner—or others—for not meeting their standards.
blame everyone else for what they’ve gone through.
this mindset can even trickle into their sexual practices.
These individuals tend to display a “holier than thou” mindset, and use religion and spirituality to shame others or justify their treatment of others.
Absorbing manipulative tactics from caregivers, siblings, or friends
Experiences of trauma, neglect, abandonment, or abuse in childhood
get away from them and to heal from their abusiveness,
don’t despair. There is both light and protection.
it’s easier to recognize the tactics than it is to effectively respond to them initially.
One big hint is that they may be treating you really well but they aren’t so kind to anyone else.
They’ll start asking prying questions about any hard times you’ve gone through, and really press for you to be candid. This is another huge red flag because these kinds of things should come up naturally after strong, mutual trust has been established.
This is the act of avoiding an issue or problem by talking around it until the initial subject matter is lost or forgotten.
Trying to explain or justify feelings to a narcissist is another way to hand them ammo. They don’t communicate, they won’t reason and they don’t care about working out issues. All they care about is winning.
Never minimize or downplay their behavior.
Your self-worth is precious and valuable, and they shouldn’t be allowed to damage it.
argument faster, or at least deflate it, is to relate to their feelings.
Let them think you’re in it together.
Put yourself first. This is a difficult thing to put into practice when you’ve been forced to put someone else before your own wants and needs. Keep yourself in front and don’t give them the power to bring you back into their web.
When all else fails, feed their ego. If you aren’t able to find your breakaway within any of these scenarios, practice the art of distraction. They love talking about themselves, and love being given the opportunity to prove they know more than anyone else. If changing the subject doesn’t work, try asking for their advice. This is a last resort tip to at least put the never ending circle of argument to an end.
the treatment you endure isn’t normal,
Should one person be permitted to have so much power that they can destroy another being so completely?
taking back the power the abuser believes they have over you.
slow and steady to draw their target in, showers the person with attention and shiny things to get the target where they want them,
depression. The toxic person may have caused you to worry about not acting the way you’re expected to, or that you haven’t done something right or good enough. In making this person your entire world, you may lose sleep, have no interest in things you used to or have developed a, “What’s the point?” attitude. You essentially absorb all of the negative talk and treatment so deeply, you believe it all. This is a dangerous mindset to be in so if you feel you’re going any steps down this path, seek outside help as soon as possible.
You have unexplained physical ailments. It’s not surprising that when you internalize a great deal of negativity, you begin to feel unwell. Some common symptoms that aren’t related to any ongoing condition might be: changes in appetite, stomach issues, body aches, insomnia, and fatigue. These are typical bodily responses to stress, but if they intensify or become chronic, see a physician as soon as you can.
You feel alone. Also a common symptom of abuse. If things are really wrong, the narcissist may have isolated you from friends or family either by things they’ve done themselves or by making you believe no one is there for you.
You freeze. When you emotionally remove yourself from the abuse, you’re freezing. It’s a coping mechanism to reduce the intensity of the way you’re being treated by numbing out the pain. 8. You don’t trust yourself even with simple decisions. When your self-esteem has been crushed through devaluing and criticism, it’s no wonder you can’t make decisions. If you’re also being gaslighted, it adds another layer of self-doubt.
You lost touch with the real you. The person you become when with a narcissistic abuser is very different from the person you were before you got involved with them. They’ve turned you into who they want you to be, making you feel lost and insecure with no sense of true purpose.
You never feel like you do anything right. We touched on this briefly above, but this is one of the main signs of narcissistic abuse. Looking at the big picture, you may be constantly blamed when things go wrong even when it isn’t your fault. You may do something exactly the way they tell you to, but they still find fault with the results.
that isn’t fair, and no person should ever feel they should be permitted to have control over another.
You’re allowed to say no, you have a right to your feelings, you are allowed privacy—and there are no wedding or relationship vows that say you are at the beck and call of your partner. When a person has been abused for a long time, they may lack the confidence or self-esteem to take a stand on their rights. The more power they take back, though, the less the abuser has.
When someone has been in a controlling relationship long enough, they carry on with the feelings of shame and fault even after the relationship has ended. This can flow over into forms of self-harm and substance abuse to continue with what the abuser did to them.
Being mentally abused to the point where a person doubts themselves, or doesn’t even trust themselves or others,
This can even lead to more severe concerns such as social anxiety. It instills mistrust of what others say, what they really mean and their sincerity.
the ill-treatment itself or the physical symptoms impairing health. Lack of sleep can result in many of the symptoms listed earlier as can digestive issues. Additional concerns also include memory loss, inability to concentrate, losing focus performing basic tasks or “spacing out”.
Feelings of unworthiness, shame and blame dissipate over time they never completely go away.
Another aspect of this is a damaged self-worth that causes us to not make an effort to reach goals or dreams, or we self-sabotage because we’re convinced we don’t deserve happiness or success.
I didn’t leave because I stopped loving you. I left because the longer I stayed, the less I loved myself. –Rupi Kaur
The narcissist was your bad habit taking over your life and hurting you, so getting over them will take inner strength, perseverance, and willpower to resist their charms.
their treatment of you worsens the longer you stay in the relationship.
