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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Jay Shetty
Read between
January 7 - January 24, 2024
Thought. Your partner likes to absorb information in their head, so they might like to read a book on a topic of interest, taking notes to put it into their own words as they go. Motion. Your partner learns by doing. They’ll want to take a wo...
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There’s an old saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” It’s a symbiotic relationship.
Practice Humility To ask the right questions, one needs intelligence but also humility.
Remember your own personality, values, and goals. Don’t lose the thread of your own story.
We have heard people say of couples, “They grew apart,” but we never say, “They grew together.”
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. —DAVID VISCOTT
Life purpose
for any of us to bring the best version of ourselves to our relationships, we have to pursue our own purpose or spiritual calling. In Hinduism it’s called our dharma.
Dharma is the intersection of passion, expertise, and service.
Whatever it is, your dharma is not a casual interest. It’s a passion. It defines you. When you practice it, you think, This is who I am.
Your dharma is a journey, not a destination.
find the ways to best extract meaning, joy, and fulfillment ...
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couple’s approach to their dharmas should be like that of the assistant acrobat: “You go do what you need to do, while I go do what I need to do.”
If you want to truly love someone and give them your best self, then you have to be your best self.
Dharma helps you live a passionate, inspired, motivated life, a life you want to share with someone.
There is great joy in seeing the person you love doing what they love.
In a relationship, we must be careful that neither partner loses track of what they care about, what they value, and what makes them feel true to themselves.
he felt most engaged and excited by the opportunity to share his lessons in the hopes they’d help others. He had found his purpose.
While your partner is learning, don’t try to be their mentor.
As Albert Einstein said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
Those who avoid fighting may be calm on the outside, but often they are upset inside.
Keeping the peace often comes at the expense of honesty and understanding.
Love built on honesty and understanding is deep and
often the bigger issues are at the root of the daily conflicts.
Bhagavad Gita could be considered the ultimate guide to conflict resolution.
being a good person—we think if we do everything right, there should be no fights.
Things will be said and done that are painful and irreversible. This is why we should learn how to fight.
the divine affirms that even good people must fight sometimes.
In the Bhagavad Gita, the enemy (and ultimately the loser) is not a person but an ideology. It is darkness, ego, greed, and arrogance. In
Every time one of you loses, you both lose. Every time the problem loses, you both win.
Love to Fight and Fight to Love Fighting, done well, benefits relationships.
The qualities—such as compassion, empathy, and patience—help you understand the challenge.
The abilities—like communication, listening, and understanding—help you solve equal or greater challenges in the future.
Nothing productive or positive comes from diminishing another person.
three “energies of being” described by the Bhagavad Gita. I introduced them in Think Like a Monk (and mentioned them briefly in Rule 2): ignorance (tamas), passion and impulsivity (rajas), and goodness (sattva).
most important tools in productive arguments are reason, intention, perspective, and love.
we too can learn to pause and bring awareness to the daily skirmishes and the all-out wars we confront in our relationships.
for a couple to win together, you must be acting out of love and the desire to be a team with your partner.
our goal is understanding. We want to connect. We aim not just to resolve our conflicts, but to use the resolutions to grow together.
The only successful argument is the one in which we both win.
I’m right and you’re right. You’re wrong and so am I. These are both win-win scenarios.
Venting. Some people, like me, want to express their anger and keep hashing it out until a solution is reached.
Hiding. Some people shut down in an argument. The emotions are just too strong, and you need space. You need to process.
Exploding. Some of us can’t control our anger and so erupt with emotion.
when we sit next to someone, we literally share their perspective of the world around us, which may help us to feel more empathy for them.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
RUMI
According to research by psychologists Clifford Notarius and Howard Markman, it takes just one aggressive or passive-aggressive remark to erase twenty acts of kindness.
When your relationship contains fear and criticism, it’s hard to feel free to be yourself.
Don’t view this journey as one you must undertake alone. Loneliness and isolation can keep us from making the tough choice to go.
once trust is broken, only deep work and commitment on both sides can rebuild it.
