When We Were

by Diana Elliot Graham

found me some time after midnight, and brought out his scrabble board and we played until I was tired enough to rest my brain. That’s how it went. Sometimes scrabble, sometimes trivia, and sometimes, my favorite times, he would open his course work and test me on the textbook problems.

Even if I tried not to bother him, he’d wake up soon after, like his body’s rhythm was out of sync without mine to balance it out in bed.

and you're telling me they are not endgame?

“Hell of a speech, I’ll be sure to use that one at your wedding,” Austin

just smile through the pain

I don’t need to ask his meaning. Reid constantly asked what I wanted. And in doing so he made sure to find the right thread to pull. Knowing that my complete unraveling would come at his hand with the right tug.

"Reid constantly asked me what i wanted" except that one time 😭😭😭😭

The only thing sitting on top, a reading lamp. ‘I figured your side could use a lamp.’ Your side. My side. He had designated a full side to me. Maybe I had claimed it, night after night, staying here rather than heading the mile walk back to the dorm. But either way, he had set up a nightstand, and lamp for my side. For me.

this man 😭😭

The only thing sitting on top, a reading lamp. ‘I figured your side could use a lamp.’ Your side. My side. He had designated a full side to me. Maybe I had claimed it, night after night, staying here rather than heading the mile walk back to the dorm. But either way, he had set up a nightstand, and lamp for my side. For me.

my heart is going 💞❤️💞💔😭💞

It’s a slow-motion avalanche. Looking at him like this. Like this building, a powerful feeling, rolling through me. In just a matter of months. I think I might love this man.

ITS A SLOW MOTION AVALANCHEEEEE

Because there were times it was horrible, when I woke up exhausted or drained and needed sleep even though my body rejected the idea. It was clearly at war with itself. But tonight, my body just woke up. Filled to the brim with sleep and no longer interested in being suspended in a state of rest.

I really hope arden is getting enough sleep now in the future. girl deserves rest

rom-com

wish this book was a romcom

I no longer felt like I had been jolted awake from a dream, it felt like I was skating through one. I looked at this man, the warm light from the surrounding lamp posts bathing his face, the moon chaperoning overhead.

crying again

All of the seeds he planted had bloomed in this moonlight.

We land on the sofa, our scrabble game from the night before still set up on the coffee table in front of us, real scrabble this time. Sitting here, fitting into the curve of his body, fitting into the curve of his life, he brushes my curly hair from my face and leaves a kiss on my temple. As I turn up to him, my nose grazes his chin. His head resting back against the sofa, eyes closed, beginning to drift off.

He doesn’t immediately open his eyes when the smile overtakes his face. He doesn’t try to hide it, not his smile, and not the emotions feeding

He cleared my mind so he could fill it completely. So, there would not be noise or distraction when his hands held my face, and his eyes held mine.

gets me every damn time

woke up the morning after to find I-LOVE-YOU written in scrabble tiles, and it was clear, whenever he thought it, he just said it. He would take me ice skating when I would wake up in the middle of the night.

he is the standard 🙂🙂🙂🤡

I learned some of the Little Mermaid score to impress him. We traded books, traded notes, traded I love yous. There was rhythm to us. A consistency, and ease.

crying again

Or the comfort of a rewatching sitcom you’ve seen before.

mood

“I do love to travel.

Hmm thats the second time travel is mentioned

Three messages, each so like him. Clever. Decisive. Affectionate. He gave his love so willingly, never standing on ceremony to hide his affections. I had told him I loved him, and it felt so freeing to do it, and it had seemed like he had been waiting. Not because he didn’t return the sentiment, but because he wanted me to be sure. As he did with everything.

REID JENNINGS I LOVE YOU

We’ve said it hundreds of times since the first. Curled into his body. Over the phone when we were apart. In scrabble messages left on the counter. In ways that didn’t use the words at all. And yet, there was never a time it didn’t immediately run through me like a pulse.

He crosses the room, and his face changes when he sees me through the cracked door, and his smile hits me like the cup of coffee I desperately need.

reid literally fucking lights up everytime he sees her

I love this man.

I love him too

She’s walking into the restaurant, her back is to me completely, so I can’t be sure it’s her. I’m sure it’s her. Thirty-six minutes early. It’s her.

It's the way he recognises her from the back of her head

Stopping directly behind the empty chair, and the smile that slowly pulled his lips warmed the space between us immediately. Just like it always had.

idk man i don't think that he is fully over her

flashback to the kitchen scene

my heart is breaking again. also the last sentence makes me believe arden met her husband in college

We ask about our partners, our careers, our pets, we cover off any good books, sometimes trading the ones we’ve picked up in the airport for our travels. Still leaving her notes in them and a full review in the back cover.

THEY ARE STILL EXCHANGING ANNOTATED BOOKS

Because as much as I want to have this conversation, I should have pushed for it the day it happened, even a week later. Not now.

:)))))))))

But Reid has always been different. He was different then, and he’s different now. I may not have kept any of the physical mementos from our time together, but in some ways, I always kept him.

reid </3

That no matter how much we loved each other, and I know we did, we left each other.

this hurts me

But that doesn’t change the fact that I thought you left, and I let you. I didn’t chase you out the door, I didn’t beg you to come back to me.”

“I didn’t let you leave because I didn’t care, I let you leave because I did. Because I thought that’s what you wanted. Damn, it sounds so cliché to say, so stupid to hear myself say it. But that doesn’t make it less true.”

I hate it hereee they could've had it alll

Tomorrow morning. Maybe it would be a morning he was up before me, already in the kitchen, with a cup of coffee in hand, pulling down an empty mug for me. Maybe it would be a morning where I find him sitting up in bed reading, casually turning pages with one hand while running

crying again

The emotions he usually wore and gave me freely, are tucked away completely. He’s more focused on containing himself, than engaging with me. Refusing to show any concern, just looking to run away from a public display.

arden :((((((((((

farther apart. “I was all in. I was all in while you were figuring out what you wanted. I was all in before you knew, or admitted, what this was. I told you months ago, it was your choice. I know who I am, I know what I want. I wanted you, but I told you if you didn’t want a relationship, that was fine.

And even though it’s technically true, there’s so much that made it feel like home every time I walked through the door, but most of all it’s always been him.

he was her home

“I’m not fighting with you like this. I don’t want a relationship like this. I’m going.”

REID NO REID NOOOO

“Apparently.” His tone is dry. Could it be so simple for him? My throat is strangled by what he just said. The only words I could get out were a meek question

I just wanna hug her

Could this man who I thought loved me so completely, so easily unlove me? From day one everything was so black and white. Like he could easily flip a switch. And it looks like finally he flipped it back. At the end of the day, no matter how many coffee orders, favorite books, or most played scrabble words we know about each other, maybe we don’t actually know each other. And now that he’s gotten to this layer, a layer he doesn’t like, he’s done.

this is killing me

His large hands run the length of my arms, and when they reach the ends of my fingers, he lingers momentarily, as he steps forward and presses a soft kiss to my cheek for what feels like the last time.

What the fuck just happened. Did he care so little that he could end it right then and there, no remorse, no second thought, and just walk out the door?

You should've asked her to LEAVE with YOU. Not said, "I'm going to leave."

I’ve seen it for months now, who she was around me versus everyone else.

:)))))))))))))))

you guys both of you talked about post graduation plans did you both forget it???????

waiting for a discussion that never came

just smile through the pain

face I’ve never seen her wear before that tells me she’s not here to settle anything. Her mind–it’s already settled on something.

REID NO YOURE BEING AN IDIOT

arden bancroft i am so sorry