When We Were

by Diana Elliot Graham

“Hello, darling.”

darling is actually the best term of endearment it is my favourite and no this has nothing to do with a certain blond haired blue eyed pyrokinetic (it has everything to do with him)

“I’m okay, actually.” And I am. It’s a weight I didn’t admit to having carried all this time, only noticing now that it’s gone.

i am so proud of her that's my baby girl

“You’re the love of my life, you know that?” I say, looking up to him.

too soon, arden

Never asking me not to, instead encouraging me to get the clarity I needed.

we love a supportive hubby!

The hallway lined with the photos of our life. Chronologically building through all the memories we collected with space still on the wall for the ones that remain.

good memories. happy memories.

Maybe sometimes even if there is a happily ever after, the alternate ending is the one worth reading.

wondered what it would be like, to look at my own life, to wonder about my own love story, and no matter how happily ever after I am, the last weeks made it dangerously easy to romanticize an alternative.

in another life i would be your girl we keep all our promises and be us against the world

Naked to each other in a way I don’t think we ever truly had been and then how we went our separate ways, just as we have done for years.

this was needed

Though, I think this time with more understanding and admiration for one and other. More finality that we didn’t know was missing.

i love them together but i also love them individually

Though, perhaps in some ways I always had. If not, the likelihood would have been that I didn’t keep him at arm’s length. But I did. And because of that, our lives ended up in very different places.

i'm glad she is ok now

where we had happily ever afters. It just wasn’t singular; we didn’t share one. We had happily ever afters, apart.

diana elliot graham actually changed the whole meaning of happily ever afters with this book

To my best friend, who never let losing a great love, prevent her from loving greatly.

this dedication though

husband, and father of this growing child. She’s not wrong though, William Sterling and I do have that epic love. And regardless of all the alternative paths I could have taken, there is no path I walked in this life that I wouldn’t want to lead me to him.

can't root for a ship i don't know but i will always root for arden and if will makes her happy then i am happy <3

“I think they can have a Happily Ever After, I think they actually deserve one.”

THEY DO DESERVE ONE

read through the pages that detailed my first great love, my first great love story. The one that she managed to pull me back into, that I pulled him back into,

MY FIRST GREAT LOVE STORY

We haven’t spoken since, while it was never uncommon for us to go months without exchanging a text or email, I think we both felt this time was different.

i told you, they are not staying in touch

but this book, this is our love story. Our love lost, story. Our alternate ending.

OUR LOVE LOST, STORY

Every so often glancing up from the pages and looking around my home, my life cataloged on the walls, the smell of my husband lingers in the air, a combination of his shampoo and cologne, our dogs next to me, our child growing within me.

she is so happy

I’ve always been able to get lost in a book. Hold my tears for the characters I fall in love with, a controlled way to express emotion I otherwise keep reserved.

“I have loved you for more than half of my life, Abby. I know we can’t go back; we can’t change any of what has happened. Of course, there are things I would change, but right now, all I care about, all I want to change is the future. I want us to have a shot. The one we were too naive to give ourselves before. Because I was so in love with you then, and we might have pretended to move on, we might not be who we were, but the only person I could ever love more than you then, is you now.”

I HAVE LOVED YOU MORE THAN HALF OF MY LIFE, A.B

Perhaps it might have been different if Abby had told him she was seeing someone, though, he couldn’t be sure.

just smile through the pain

There was no ending where he could let her leave without saying the things he didn’t previously. And that’s why, this time, there was no ending for them. At least not one that wasn’t together.

The misunderstanding that split them apart was the same thing that tied them back together in the end.

what could've should've been you

When he relocated for work to be nearer to her. When the late-night runs were no longer ice skating but ice cream cravings.

THE ICE SKATING

The sounds of the piano danced down the hall, the upbeat tempo of the ‘Good Morning song’ and Abby could hear the little voices singing along with what had become a frequent request. Especially first thing in the morning.

THE PIANOOO

Abby kissed the crown of Maddie’s head and began to play ‘Under the Sea.’ The same song her husband played when she sat next to him nearly twenty years ago for the first time.

this hurts actually

“How about some hot chocolate?” Ben asks.

i will never be able to have hot chocolate without thinking about them again

Instead, now, there were no thoughts ever left unsaid. No questions not asked. The only notes they left each other were I love yous. Leaving no room for miscommunication.

crying again

I haven’t spoken to Reid since we parted ways at dinner. And there’s no indication we will have anything to exchange between us in the future. Walking away, realizing that we had somehow preserved something that neither of us understood, but that it was time to let that go.

bittersweet

The familiar dedication now printed on the cream page, I start again from the beginning, eager to get to the front door of the house we never built. This story is different from the real one, and then it’s not. Nuanced changes, but the biggest ones come near the end.

THE HOUSE WE NEVER BUILT

It takes a lot to get to the happily of ever afters, that’s what this is.

Of sunshine, cinnamon and cedar, of licorice and pine, smells of libraries and Cambridge, trips around the world, the smells I collected over time. Some houses I’ll never return to.

I see it, two houses all the way at the end. One I know immediately. Not a new house, but the newest addition to this block. Tucked away perfectly nestled sweetly in the cul-de-sac.

figure of a man I could recognize intimately from the back of his head and movements alone.

the parallel omg.

Next door is a house I’ve never seen, yet it is familiar in a way I can’t explain. I’ve never been here before, but as I step closer, it begins to take shape and I start to recall the blueprints we drew up those late nights in Cambridge.

BLUEPRINTS

With the scrabble tile notes and midnight skates. But those plans were hidden away in a drawer somewhere. Folded scraps of paper tucked between pages of a journal. Until now.

ardenreid is so special to me like i will never love a ship the way i love them

This house we never built, and now it only exists here in the pages of this book.

THE HOUSE WE NEVER BUILT

As I reach the end of this story, for the second time, I can feel my eyes well with tears.

i feel this quote on deep level because this is exactly how i feel while finishing my reread

And it’s not in mourning, but acknowledgement that some houses, no matter how beautiful, only have blueprints. They remain unfinished wood frames, the empty foundation on a plot of land. While visiting might be a gift, one I’ve been given, it’s not home.

this book is a masterpiece.