A Daddy for the Chubby Omega (Daddies for Dumpster Omegas, #1)

by Anna Wineheart

Caulin breathed out, still quiet. He was only twenty-three. What if he got pregnant?

23????? chat am I going blind

He lives with his alpha in that ghost town, Pimbly.

the naming conventions in this book will send me into an early grave. Pimbly the ghost town. Tinto's. these are just gnomes masquerading as places.

“So you... don’t completely hate the thought of having a child?” “I don’t know. My card keeps getting declined,

there is never once in this entire book an explanation or conclusion this simpleton draws that doesn't detonate a tiny, but crucial, synapse in my brain.

“I’d envisioned sitting in the observatory by my lonesome until I’m old and feeble.” “That—That sounds lonely.” “It’s... I guess it is.

the reason this is surprising to you is because you have eyes on either side of your head approximately seven inches apart that blink independently. hope this helps.

“You have an alpha now. Shall I put a GPS tracker on you so I can come to you whenever you need help?”

he also just impregnated him and demanded they move in together. btw

“But... y-you know what kind of dress it is.” “Yes. If not me, then some other lucky alpha will see you in that dress one day, walking down the aisle.”

it's a given that an omega will wear a wedding dress in this world because the author just made it normal sexism. omegas are nothing but women.

Sitting with this omega under the stars, though... Even though they had some life-changing news on the horizon, Otto felt completely at peace with the world, because Caulin was in his arms.

this omega went into heat and they only fucked once. I'm convinced the author skimmed a Wikipedia article on omegaverse and immediately launched into writing it.

Gardner: We are going to have words after this, V. Varrick: Ooh, someone’s touchy. Gardner: Don’t make me punch you like I punched my coworker

intimidating phrases for nine-year-olds

Max had never threatened him explicitly, but... Caulin knew he’d shot some people he’d disagreed with.

are there literally 0 rules or laws in this godforsaken nonsense world?

“Well, it’s a good thing you showed up, because he owes me rent.” Caulin winced. He hadn’t meant to involve Jones in his troubles. “How much?” Jones asked in the next breath.

literally zero consequences!!!!! this "alpha" will let attempted abduction and sexual assault off with a warning, and he'll just pay off a murderous, aggressive, thieving landlord. it's so pathetic and cringe and baffling and pointless and

On the far side of the room, a black punching back hung from the ceiling. And Jones circled it in the same T-shirt and jeans he’d been wearing tonight, but he’d donned a pair of boxing gloves, viciously striking that bag. The look on his face, though—it was full of cold anger, as though he wanted to tear into someone.

this is soooo embarassingggggg 😭😭😭😭 like it's not intimidating or hot or protective or whatever because you DON'T TAKE ACTION WHEN IT MATTERS. ooh, you have physical prowess, super strength, and protective tendencies, but you only unleash it on your widdle punching bag? grow up

“I was worried about you,” Caulin mumbled. “They wouldn’t really have a reason to shoot me, but they could’ve shot you.” “And I would’ve taken the shot if it meant I could get you out safely.”

green stink lines.jpeg

He pressed his nose close to his shoulder and sniffed, his heart thumping. Laid over his daffodil scent was the faintest trace of honey. That was the scent of pregnant omegas.

I haven't seen a day-after pregnancy since the glory days of fanfiction.net. well done, stunningly out of touch with science. I'm actually starting to think the author was homeschooled by evangelicals.

“Is this what it’s like having a boyfriend?” Caulin blurted, his heart skipping. “I imagine so.” ‘Boyfriend’ implied permanence.

no it doesn't. but you know what IS permanent? a child.

Otto looked into his eyes. “May I take your shirt off, too?” Caulin gulped. “I—Yeah.” Because sometimes, bandages needed to be ripped off.

YOU HAVE FUCKED NAKED SO MANY TIMES!!!! YOU ARE LITERALLY PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD!!!!!!!!!!

“You don’t have to worry. I really like you.” “Even if I’m—” “There’s just more for me to kiss.” Otto kissed his lips. “Why don’t you let me prove it to you?”

I'm struggling to keep fighting through this. I'm waning. I can't keep reading the same fucking three conversations recycled ad nauseum for hundreds of pages.

“I think you’re very adorable anyway. With or without those lines.” “Not you, too!”

I'm gonna tap out here, I think. I knowww some crazy stuff is supposed to go down, but it's just so fucking boring now.

It felt so strange, stepping into Otto’s bathroom. His private space. In here, everything smelled like sycamore and soap. Caulin left the lights off and the door ajar, so he could find the shower knob, but not see himself.

Alright, I decided to try and tough out the rest of this book because it energizes me to hate with abandon. my first wtf about this paragraph is, of course, how baffling this comment is when Otto has fucked you in his shower before. do we not recall? and also, the last thing I want to remember is that you shower in the dark you freakazoid

Then he hurriedly dried off, struggling into his sleepwear

another pointless verb for how a fat person moves about the world

his alpha caged him with his body, pressing his nose to Caulin’s ear. “You smell good. Like mine.”

2015 Teen Wolf fanfiction called. they want you back, and they want it real bad

“No other alpha will touch you. Just me.”

this would be romantic if every other alpha on planet earth (?) wasn't champing at the bit to kick this fat fuck's guts out

Caulin shivered. Otto gave him another deep kiss, pulling away before they had to deal with the saliva.

hey. what does this mean.

Murphy: Do you want your frozen food back? I can get Shaw to drop them off, he knows your new address. Caulin: Um. I haven’t asked him about storing food in his freezer yet. But I will soon. Thank you and sorry for taking up space in your freezer :)

have some dignity i beg

Then he looked thoughtful. “We could invest in some toys for you. I’ve read that you might be especially in the mood in the second trimester.”

I straight up forgot he was instapregnant. how did i forget

“You’ve already read up on it?” “Some.” Otto looked sheepish. “I thought I should be a little more prepared.”

this guy just found out about foreplay this week and he's only reading "some" about parenthood

“You’ll be there throughout? The whole nine months?”

oh my god, it's a full human gestation period? I just assumed it'd be a crazy fast one because he immediately could tell his fat little piggy egg was fertilized

Otto had read up more on pregnancies and babies by now, but he still didn’t feel prepared for the changes that would happen in his life.

this guy can barely text a full human sentence, so I would worry, too

“Mine,” he growled, slipping his wrist under Caulin’s shirt, rubbing it over Caulin’s belly. “All mine.”

maybe I'm the one who needs to be aborted

It had been over than a month, but Otto still thought Caulin was the most adorable omega he’d ever seen.

wow, your opinion hasn't changed in a whole month? that's crazy bro, that's literally forever if you're a toddler

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you,” Caulin blurted suddenly. “Why... How is it that your parents never kissed you?”

🫢

Out of the blue, Otto felt pressure rising through his gullet, not really thinking about it until it made its way to his mouth. It was just a burp.

I wish to god I could copy-paste this whole scene. it goes from "ew morning sickness" to "why didn't your parents kiss you?" to a giant sausage burp that literally makes caulin blow chunks. where am I

When Caulin finally stood back, Otto pulled him into a hug. “I really am sorry.” Caulin hugged him back; a smile curved his lips. His smile was always so beautiful.

hey can you two give it a few minutes after he just threw up crazy style

Caulin had been fatigued lately; he was more clumsy than usual. Otto hated leaving him alone. Not when Caulin could trip and hurt himself badly.

he's only a month pregnant. he's not even showing yet. why is he fucked up like that

this alpha was in his forties, his head shaved, and he looked weather-beaten. He didn’t belong in the dumpsters, though. “Drake Hawkins. I’m Wes’ alpha.”

hey. why would these alphas allow their bonded omegas to continue dumpster diving? what kinda daddies are you??

It was probably bad form to hug his omega, pretending someone else’s baby was their own. Especially when he’d just met all these people.

probably

Emmy named his price. Otto riffled around in his wallet—he liked carrying some cash to visit the farmer’s markets. And he had more than enough.

re: the price of the wedding dress. farmers market cash for that wedding dress. God is real and he takes pleasure in my agony daily

“Imagine getting married here,” Emmy said brightly. “No,” Caulin cried. “Not in a dumpster!”

I wouldn't put it past any of you tbh

He wouldn’t have gotten to know Shaw if it weren’t for Varrick—Varrick was a bit of a gossip with a ton of connections—it

Tethras?

Had Varrick not befriended him in middle school, Otto would’ve probably stayed friendless his whole life, keeping his nose buried in textbooks.

wish he'd left you alone so those brain cells hadn't withered on the vine, bud

“I’m glad you found me,” Otto said in Caulin’s ear. “I wouldn’t have known that any of this was possible.”

hanging out the back of a grocery store with a bunch of dumpster diving twenty-somethings while mall-hugging your pregnant baby-daddy that you only met last month wouldn't have been possible? given that he's an astronomer, it makes sense that this guy shoots for the stars

“You don’t have to keep buying me flowers,” Caulin blurted, secretly pleased.

just say thank you

But it made Caulin wonder, though... “Would I have to put you in handcuffs if you were a thief?” Otto chuckled. “Would you?” “I... suppose I could.”

I fear they don't think they give hospital gift shop cashiers that level of authority

“I didn’t think I was, um. Kinky.” Otto grinned. “Neither did I.” “What kind of conversation did we walk in on?” Shaw asked the next second.

cue laugh track

Murphy gave Caulin an unreadable look. He’d always stayed out of the conversations discussing sex, never really wanting to talk about it. Caulin felt a little awkward bringing this up in front of him.

so he's just normal? Just a normal person?

“I’ve been thinking about hash brown cheeseburgers. You know, with the crispy hash brown patties replacing the buns. And dill pickle slices under the cheese.” “That sounds sinful,” Otto rumbled, angling a smile at him. “Let’s stop by Tinto’s on the way home.”

I cannot express how "Tintos" is the equivalent of ice water down the back. Tintos is the boner-killler

“You haven’t been spending all that much with your credit card.” Caulin blinked. “You’ve been checking?” “Yes. I want to make sure that you’re comfortable with using it.”

this is weirdddddd

They headed to Tinto’s, grabbed some reusable bags and a cart, and stepped through the main entrance. Even though Caulin had been here with Otto a few times by now, it still felt so strange, coming in as a paying customer and not just to ogle the items that didn’t make it into the dumpsters.

okay Oliver Twist

Otto leaned in to sniff Caulin’s hair.

crazy sentence to immediately follow one about dumpsters

Otto touched the bump of the pendant under Caulin’s shirt. He’d kept that promise, too. He was still here, because Caulin hadn’t once removed that necklace.

if this were a horror novel, what a great little scary moment. unfortunately,

“I should push the cart,” Caulin mumbled. “Why?” “Because... I’d have to get stronger, to carry the baby around.”

oh, honey. wheels.