A Daddy for the Chubby Omega (Daddies for Dumpster Omegas, #1)

by Anna Wineheart

Otto’s balls writhed.

I have never seen someone write batshit verbs like this. usually adjectives are the culprit

“Caulin,” he growled, bringing his hand down on Caulin’s hole in a sharp spank.

I'm dead

his balls writhing

again???

He crossed the room to close the door, his thoughts churning. After a while, the bones of a lesson plan came together in his mind. Otto chuckled and shook his head. It figured; of course it was a lesson plan. He couldn’t stop being a professor even if he tried.

oh brother this guy stinks

His stomach rumbled emptily.

do NOT piss me off

“I don’t know why you keep doing things for me, Professor. I’m not... I’m just...” With each word, his voice grew quieter and quieter. “I’m... ugly.”

how many times will I have to read this shit

Caulin squeaked, trying to digest any of this. Jones hugging him. Jones thinking he looked good. Jones not even judging him for taking two expensive macarons.

again, the least of your problems is your fatness. taking two expensive macarons is weird because it's rude, not because you're fat.

“I want you to learn that you are worthy.” “Wh-why?” “Because you’re a good person. Because you need someone.”

there's nothing that comes to mind that makes this dude seem like a good person. a perpetual victim? sure

“You shouldn’t have bought that. I can’t pay you back.” “You don’t have to. It’s a gift.” “But you don’t even know me!” “I know enough.”

and how many times am I gonna have to read THIS??

Caulin woke to a bright, airy room, and the scent of sycamore. His heart stopped. Was Jones there with him? Are we in the same bed? Oh, gods. How much of my body did he see?

literally all of it when he slapped and fingerblasted your bootyhole? hello?

“You’ve seen my pictures,” Jones said with some surprise. Caulin shrugged awkwardly.

tip of the iceberg, buddy

“Oh, gods.” Caulin gave up on trying to stop Emmy. He stayed on his knees and began crawling out of the kitchen, in the hopes that Jones wouldn’t see him from this angle.

this isn't even close to the weirdest thing this guy's done, but it's still pretty funny

“Have a taste.” Caulin went for the eggs first. They were soft and creamy and warm, unlike the powdery hard-boiled eggs that were sometimes in the dumpsters.

STOP reminding me you people subsist on trash

Caulin dropped his fork and yanked his neckline up to hide his face.

.

Heat swooped between Caulin’s legs, so he grew half-hard.

normal sentence

Precome squirted through his shorts—Jones’

sure

“I did not give you... foreplay. I should have. I’m sorry.” “Wh-what’s foreplay?” Caulin squirmed. Jones’s eyes widened. “You—don’t know? Foreplay is when I touch you. Or—or suck you elsewhere. To arouse you before we move on to more... intimate things. At least, that’s what the internet says.”

21 and 40. *Edit 23 and 43

his balls squirming,

🪱

“P-please...” “Please do what?” Jones growled. His cock looked like it would rip his pants.

alright

“Is that what you want me to say? That you’re hot and charming?” “Kind of.”

idk if he's hot, but he's certainly got all the charm of a rubber eraser

alphas didn’t touch the chests of omegas unless they were lovers.

I started to get a little intrigued by this bit of worldbuilding until I realized it's just literally a one to one allegory for womanhood.

“It’s just fat—” “You fill my hand perfectly,” Jones growled. “Don’t use that word around me. I do not want you to speak of yourself that way.”

it tracks that this giant book of fatphobic whump is accompanied by the truly perplexing idea that having a "fat is a bad word" mentality makes a person LESS bigoted toward fatness

“The worth of a person isn’t in his appearance.”

every non-conventionally-attractive person knows this is not a compliment

“But no one ever wants to partner up with me in school,” Caulin mumbled. “They’d rather do group projects with everyone else.”

21

“I just... I wish they wanted to be my friend.” “You have friends, though. Emmy cares a lot about you. And...” Jones hesitated. “You have other friends you’ve made at the dumpster, right?”

nobody on god's green earth would say this with love in their heart

Caulin nodded, shoveling some tomatoes into his mouth.

that's how the big fat fatty eats? by shoveling? okay

“Even your—your bed partners?” Jones’ voice deepened into a growl. “They didn’t want me for more than a quick fuck,” Caulin mumbled. “One of them called people over to watch. To show them that he’d fucked the fat omega. And I just... felt so ugly.”

save some of those tomatoes you're shoveling for me to throw okay

And he stroked his wrists over Caulin’s body, leaving his scent wherever he touched. “You’re pretty. No one needs me like you do.”

this is n o t sexy or cute or nice. it's actually pretty pathetic

“Think about the alphas who were kicking you in the parking lot the other day,” Otto said calmly, even though he wanted to punch someone all over again. “They’re strong. They made it into college. To some people, they might even be handsome.”

when read to my husband: "He sounds like a villain trying to convince someone to kill himself."

“Think about the alphas who were kicking you in the parking lot the other day,” Otto said calmly, even though he wanted to punch someone all over again. “They’re strong. They made it into college. To some people, they might even be handsome.”

when read to my husband: "He sounds like a villain trying to convince someone to kill himself."

“I just...” Caulin sighed again. “I never feel like I’m good enough, or attractive enough.” “Then maybe you should focus on your inner traits.” Otto tapped on the circle with Patient and Kind. “What traits do you have, that fall here?” Caulin looked blankly at him.

too true, bestie

“I’d like you to write up a list for yourself, too. While you’re at it, put down your bad traits on a second list. We’ll work on getting you to be comfortable with them.”

you literally told him not to use the word fat

“I’m—What happened?” “You fainted for a bit.”

from one kiss. he fucked him in the ass before this

“Have you kissed anyone before?” Caulin blurted before he could stop himself. “Maybe twice.” Jones shrugged. “I got the impression that I wasn’t good at it, so I... stopped.”

43

“The French kiss?” Oh, gods. Caulin jerked his head away, his cheeks burning. “I’m—I’m not ready for that!”

he just cummed in your butt a little bit ago!

“I meant the—the chaste kiss.” Caulin tried to gesture, but he didn’t know what his hands were saying. “The one where we put our mouths together, but we pucker up.” “Like this?” Jones scrunched up his lips, pushing them outward in a comical exaggeration. It was adorable,

I knowwww it's daddy kink, but this is so........ this is what you do to infants when you're changing their diaper, man

Caulin pecked him lightly on the lips, blushing to the tips of his ears. I just kissed him. Jones blinked. “Hang on. Do that again. This requires investigation.” “Have you never—received a kiss before?”

💀

He dragged their lips together, friction bursting between them.

literally playing Calvinball with these verbs

It was all Caulin could do to return his kisses, his entire body thrumming with bliss. Gods, he’s just kissing me however he wants.

badly?

His alpha scooped him off the chair, pulling him onto his lap. This forced Caulin to straddle the tops of his thighs—not that he could stay on there very well, because Jones’ lap was at a downward angle, and he was propping his ass against the edge of the desk. But Jones grasped Caulin by his bottom, supporting his weight entirely.

I am sincerely struggling to picture this in any way that is both sexy and feasible according to the laws of physics

The desk creaked louder. Then something splintered and snapped.

the audacity it takes to write a book so fatphobic that a fat character just has to lean on a desk with another guy to break it

“But if I wasn’t fat—” “Caulin,” Jones growled. “What did I say about that word?”

who in the world would hear someone be so scathing about a word that literally describes them and feel anything but rotten

Gardner: Technically, they’re both legal, the relationship is legal. Unless you’re trading sex for grades. Otto: No. Gardner: Then you’re in the clear.

there is no protection for omegas in this society. or for like, anyone but alphas. because it's not just an allegory for gender norms, it's a parody, but not intentionally, which is why it's bad

Gardner: Do you even know where the prostate is? Otto: Yes. Otto: Admittedly, I found it this last time.

whyyyy are you texting your bros about this????? this serves nothing more than the author wanting you to see these other guys fuck in their own books. it's so weird. you're weird!!

Otto: Why would I be breaking his heart? Gardner: .... Otto, you win the award for being the most clueless alpha on the planet.

well he's fucking a giant baby so they're well-suited I guess

“Except blushing isn’t a trait,” Caulin mumbled. “It’s something I like anyway,” Otto growled. “And it reflects on you as a person, so I counted it.”

the benefit of using the most vague language you can muster is that you don't have to answer boring, stupid questions such as: how does blushing reflect what a person is like? When read to my husband: "you know who blushes a lot? Alex Jones."

“Are you sure? We can leave at any time if it makes you uncomfortable. Did the staff give you trouble?” “No, they’re fine. It’s just...” Caulin looked down. “My parents come here sometimes.”

wait a minute. caulin has never left his hometown. he's still there. but he attends the college where his childhood crush from YouTube teaches. so this guy he found on YouTube just coincidentally happened to live in the same town as he did? I mean I know this discrepancy is just for the sake of whump and I could just buy in, but it's weird. it shouldn't have been YouTube, it should have been a local public broadcast or something.

Caulin looked at the large variety of machines, and his eyes glazed over.

whoa, this fat fucking loser is to the gym what the "speak english" guy is to the hacker, huh.

Otto hadn’t pegged him as the sort to like working out. But Caulin had also mentioned the gym immediately after Otto’s desk had broken beneath them. Was he... secretly trying to lose weight?

the flesh of my face is melting down

Then he noticed two people walking up to Caulin—Otto knew them, because he’d glimpsed them at the gym on and off over the years. Pierce and Del were an alpha-omega couple roughly Otto’s age;

you know both names of a couple you've seen at thr gym a few times, but not the name of a student who's been in your course for three years?