Wrath (Sinful Secrets, #4)

by Ella James

He just laughs. It's so strange because the laugh is low and soft and rough; it moves through me like a physical thing—even as his face is so blank he looks almost frozen.

👀 oh really ?

Something flickers on the guy’s face. It's there then gone, and then he's nodding, his mouth pressed flat, his mouth looking like I kind of want to bite it.

Oop-.. okaayyy

I look back over my shoulder, finding he's got one eyebrow quirked. Fuck, he's gorgeous. I don't know how I got so unlucky, but he looks like a fucking model. Tall and lanky, scowly, broad up top but lean

I think he’s gay but secretly. Aww.

"You gonna keep on walking or just eye fuck me?" I'm so unglued, my eyes cling to his as I struggle to find words. Then I realize what he just said. I can feel my face flame.

Interestingggg.

I look down at the pillow again. Soft yarn. Pretty solid crocheting. I lean my head against the chair’s back and close my eyes, remembering when I learned to crochet. I

You crochet too ? Then why tease him 😂🙄

I note it with puzzlement, wondering if cotton ought to be centerpiece material in these modern times. Then again, it’s Alabama.

Cotton ?!? Oh hell nah !

“I just wanted to say…I miss seeing ya.” He gives a strained smile. “You considering Bama after this year?” “Maybe.” It comes out a low rasp.

Mmm.. little crushes I see.

He steps closer. I feel his warm breath on my mouth at the same moment my hands reach out and close around his elbows. As his head tilts for what will be my first kiss—fuck, I’m about to kiss Arnie—I

Aaww. Well then.

Your stepson's a total dick. He saw me almost get kissed, fucked it up, and now I want to smash his face in for giving me shit about being gay. Oh wait, but you don't know I am. Nobody knows anything about me here. And most of them never will.

He’s up in the closet ! Lol. Be free darling 🏳️‍🌈

My mom and Carl are both chatting with him. I hear Ezra laugh, and my dick twitches at the husky sound. Not that guy, buddy.

😂lol

I could have actually gotten with someone. While I'm still here in Fairplay. That’s something that I never had on my bingo card. I’m pretty “in the closet,” and it’s not because I want to be.

I guess, take it one day at a time.

It’s because Fairplay’s such a small, conservative place. Coming out would be a big deal here, where lots of people still think gays are going to hell.

🙄👎🏽 booooi

I'll come out to Mom and Carl at some point, and when I get to college, getting D is high on my to-do list. But the idea I could have kissed a guy tonight—

😂👏🏽. I support the antics.

This guy is all about the laughs. I end up grinning at him, sort of high and really digging how damn cute he is—the slightly curly, dark brown hair with his blue eyes. He's got little dimples, and those freckles I noticed the first day we met.

Cute huh ? Interesting 👀

I'm a sucker for a guy's hands. No one even knows, but I love the squared angles, the thick bones and wide-planed palms. One day, I'll hold a man's hand as we walk down a sidewalk. It won't be in Alabama.

Aaww. I want that for you too. 🫶🏽

My little pep talk doesn't sink in. I feel shitty as I pull into Dad’s driveway and park behind the closed garage. Shitty like an outsider pretending not to be one. I feel almost worse because I don't think they “want” me to feel excluded. But I still am.

I would stop going… 🤷🏽‍♀️

admitting to myself as I put the car in reverse that he’s not weird looking like I thought when I first saw him. Not really. He’s not even just striking. He’s the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen in real life, and I hate it.

Lol. I guess.

In the dream, I'm chopping wood. My shoulders and my triceps ache. It feels like there'll never be enough, but winter's coming.

Teehee🤭 “Winter is coming.” IYKYK.

can't even fucking breathe, as he rolls them, then drags his hand up my erection, pressing with his palm then gripping, his hand wrapped around me, moving slow and firm, back and forth.

I’m convinced Ezra’s bi.

“Well hung, Miller. Who knew?” I clock the stupid fuck so hard he almost falls off the roof. “Next time I’ll push you off, you sick fuck.”

Lol. Welp.. t Ok.

I fill my palm with sixteen Amitriptylines, ten Lamictals, thirteen Clonazepams, and eight Zolpidems, then walk to the armchair,

Ummmm…👀 ?? That’s a lot of fucking pills.

I shove the handful into my mouth and chew a few and chase them down with water. I can't swallow all of them, so I hold some in my cheek till the first batch is down, and then I toss the rest with one last painful swallow.

👀👀👀 ummmmmmmmmmm… it’s giving suicidal..what’s happening ?

I shut my eyes and think of swallowing that long, thick cock that he had jutting almost through his plaid pants.

Ok, so why did you just rush back to your room and take a bunch of pills ?? You trying to kill your self or something ?? I’m confused..

The tip would taste like him and smell like him. Miller's cock would hurt my throat. I'd be choking as my lips sucked at his base, or tried to. Saliva would drip down my chin as I gagged on him, but it wouldn't matter.

Soooo, you’re gay too ? Maybe ? I’m confused by what’s happening…

I look down at my dick, pushing gently at my pants. It's just the slightest bulge—a sign of life. I want to die so that I never see it again.

Ok, soo you do want to die.. why ?? Is a shame thing ?? I’m so confused by this reaction…like I’m confused by what’s happening..👀

think of sucking Miller off, pushing a finger into his hole. How he would jerk and clench, but then I'd push in deeper, and he'd moan so loud. I'd hear him groaning as I finger-fucked his sweet hole, guzzling his cum the whole time.

👀👀🥴 I’m so confused..

And it's evil how I want to. It's so wrong the way I want to throw him off, to fuck with him, manipulate him just so I can hear his noises, taste his skin. He's no one to me. Just a toy. A pretty, freckled, dark-haired, perfect boy for me to ruin if I want.

???

I'm shaking. Everything echoes. It's not the pills. I bring them up in just a few tries, and I wash my face with cold sink water, walk back into my room.

Well. That’s good you didn’t die.. why do you want to ??

Should have offed yourself last night. You could still split today. You could go back to the train bridge. Miller won’t save you this time.

Omggg, he was trying to kill himself at the bridge.. 🫢.. why ??

I bolt upright in my bed, blinking twice before I register—that’s screaming. It’s so loud and intense, I grab a baseball bat I keep beside my dresser before bolting toward Ezra’s bedroom.

Yall parents don’t hear that ???

What would DG do if I slid under the covers with him? It’s been almost a whole day, but I still feel his thick erection under my palm.

Alright, that’s one way to start a chapter

Today I struggled through homeroom and skipped lunch. Saw DG, of all damn people, on the walk back from the gas station; that gave me a jolt. Physics, I could barely keep my dick down.

Interesting..

Right now, as I watch Mills in his bed, the thing starts coming alive in my boxers. I have to reach inside and wrap my hand around it. If I don't, my balls get achy and my brain gets fogged up.

Why do you keep watching him sleep ??

He looks concerned. "Are you okay?" I wipe my eyes. "Only if you've got one of your gay boy boners for me."

Why are you like this ? You clearly like him or whatever.. but you shame him for the very thing you are too ???

But first I'm gonna suck you off. Not because I like you. It's because you keep on coming in here, seeing me cry.

How are the two equating ??

“If you're gonna come in every night and see me crying like a little pussy, I can turn you into nothing but a pussy for me. I'll make your hole drip with your cum.

I don’t get the logic ????

I've never sucked a dick before. It tastes like sweat and musk and just a little bit like cum smells. His is long and thick. It's swollen up.

You’re giving me whiplash.

I lie back and squeeze my hand around my aching boner. I'm there in under a minute. Smirking to myself as I clean up with my shirt and then drape my arm over my eyes. This is fucked up—I’ll admit it.

I’m so confused…

so I can see his eyes wet when he opens them. I can see the fear on his face. Fear, or sometimes anger. I don’t know what’s in his head, what’s in the dreams, but I know he seems wrecked before he blanks his anguish off his face and dives for my dick.

Maybe it’s a sense of control he needs ? That’s why he instantly tries to “dive for your dick.” Idk. He’s truly giving me whiplash..it’s confusing.

The sucking’s perfect. He says mean shit between blowing me. Stuff that sort of bothers me, like, “That’s right, homo. Give me what you’ve got,” or “this dick creams just like a pussy.”

And this is the part that has me confused. Is it self shame ? He’s shameful for his own desires and what not ? Someone must of made him feel awful about being gay or bi or whatever. I’m thinking that was a conversion camp he went to maybe a rehab too. Idk.

"You're not gay," I tell him, getting off the bed. "Not bi either, are you? Just an ordinary liar." "I like to fuck with you.” He gives me a pretty sneer—the Ezra sneer I’ve come to know so well. “You’re just a toy."

Img, 🤦🏾‍♀️. What is happening ? What is your problem?

"So you're...gay for me?" His face hardens into fury. "I'm nothing for you. No…that's not true." He looks more confident. "I'm…amused by you. It’s entertainment."

Smh. You’re a God damn liar 🙄

But he's a liar. That big boner proves it. "Don't be a coward, angel face. If you're not gay you're bi, and if you're not bi then you're a coward and a bigot. Because you’re a liar."

❗️❗️ right. This part. Own your shit bro !

He arches a brow. "Why not let your mom or my dad do it?" "Because they're downstairs." This is unbelievable.

Ohhhh, that answers my question finally !

When I get to him, he’s usually crying or screaming. I would be a monster if I left him there a second longer than I had to.

🤷🏽‍♀️. I still would do it. Just to test a couple theories. He wants to be dickhead, fine.. handle your problems by yourself.

"Tonight, they're not even here." They're traveling for a few nights due to Carl's work. He shrugs. "You know what will happen once you come in here. Don't pretend you don't want it."

I would leave his ass. I would sleep downstairs and let him deal with his issues on his own. Fuck him.

I want to tell him he's fucked up. That he's trying to wall me in. Gaslighting, even. In fact, I'm about to when I notice that his eyes are welling with tears.

Yeeaaahh, I think his trauma relates to something that happened regarding his sexuality. Something happened that caused how to basically hate his true self and yeah.. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I step closer to him. "Ezra—" "Fucking go already. I don't want you in here, faggot." I step into the shower with a tight chest and a racing mind.

Smh. 🤦🏾‍♀️. That’s just, mean and rude. You’re better than me Josh.

I'm not going to take this dumb shit personally. I’d put money on it being a defense mechanism. It still hurts, though. If I'm being honest. Being treated like a fuckboy bothers me.

Defense mechanisms or not it’s still mean and hurtful and w Ring. He shouldn’t use you like that or say those things to you or about you. And you shouldn’t allow him to do that either ❗️ WTF is happening right now ??!? 🤦🏾‍♀️😤

So I should stop this with him. I soap my dick, which twitches at the memory of what he did to it. I don't know if I can.

🙄👎🏽