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January 26 - January 31, 2023
we lack control, there’s no reason to blame ourself.
“What was I trying to accomplish?”
“What can I learn from this experience?”
STRATEGY #8: RECOGNIZE THAT YOUR IDEAL SELF IS A MIRAGE
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We become fixated on things that “should have been” rather than accepting the present, surrendering what we can’t control, and moving on.
It’s imperative that we recognize that our idealized self is little more than a mirage. It’s an unattainable illusion,
EXERCISE #8
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Write down the heading “My Values” and list every personal value you consider to be important.
“My Interests.” List everything you feel passionate about.
“Areas That Deserve More of My Time.” Write down values you currently hold dear that you feel need more attention. List your interests and passions that you’ve placed on the back burner.
STRATEGY #9: SURRENDER YOUR PRIDE
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When we’re overly prideful, we become so intent on presenting a superior image that we’re unable to let go of anything that challenges it, privately or publicly.
EXERCISE #9
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“Things for Which I’m Proud of Myself.” Underneath it, list everything that gives you a sense of personal pride. Include goals you’ve achieved, lessons you’ve learned, and personal struggles you’ve overcome.
“Things That Made Me Feel Defensive.” List every recent circumstance during which you found yourself justifying your actions, behaviors, decisions, and even private thoughts.
One by one, ask yourself “does this contradict any item I’ve placed on my first list?”
It severs the connection between the things that give you a legitimate sense of confidence and the things that spur you to reactively protect your ego.
STRATEGY #10: ACKNOWLEDGE THE DEBILITATING EFFECTS OF GUILT AND SHAME
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When we’re mindful of our emotions, we can make use of guilt and shame to change our behavior.
EXERCISE #10
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Write down something you recently did that made you feel guilty and ashamed. Describe the circumstance and recount your thought process.
write down the reason (or reasons) your conduct caused you to feel guilty and ashamed.
focus on each of these feelings, one by one, and consider their effects on your future actions and decisions.
STRATEGY #11: DISREGARD WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU
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EXERCISE #11
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“My Values.” Underneath it, write down every personal trait you consider important to how you work, live, and associate with others.
“My Triggers.” Underneath it, write down everything other people do that prompts you to change your behavior.
“Recent Incidents That Triggered My Insecurity.” Try to recall every occasion in the recent past that harmed your self-image,
consider the incidents you’ve written on your third list. Look at your first list and ask yourself “did I feel insecure because I violated my values?” If the answer is yes, take steps to avoid repeating whatever you did wrong. If the answer is no (and it usually will be), acknowledge that the trigger that hurt your self-image served no useful purpose.
STRATEGY #12: STOP TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE HAPPY
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research suggests that making others happy is the best way to make ourself feel the same way.1
Problems arise when this tendency begins to supersede our other priorities.
EXERCISE #12
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“My Priorities.” List every task and responsibility that you consider important.
create the heading “Things I’ve Recently Done to Make Others Happy.”
“did anything on my second list prevent me from addressing anything on my first list?”
we’ll be better prepared (and hopefully more willing) to set healthy boundaries.
STRATEGY #13: STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY
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researchers found that people who obsess over being happy often experience more stress as their obsession causes them to dwell on negative thoughts and emotions attached to their failures.
EXERCISE #13
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write down everything you believe would make you happy.
think about the times you’ve felt truly happy.
your first list contains things you have yet to achieve while your second list contains experiences you’ve already enjoyed.
STRATEGY #14: SCRUTINIZE HOW YOU MAKE DECISIONS
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we often create the situations that later cause us misery.
We can evaluate our decision-making process and determine if we’re making choices impulsively or methodically.
EXERCISE #14
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STRATEGY #15: DIAGNOSE WHY YOU’RE FEELING LAZY
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EXERCISE #15
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STRATEGY #16: PRACTICE GRATITUDE
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