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January 26 - January 31, 2023
#1 - Failed relationships
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#2 - Toxic relationships
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#3 - Jealousy
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#4 - Past failures
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Reviewing our failures is healthy. It allows us to avoid repeating mistakes. But when we obsess over them and are unable to make peace with them, we invite feelings of self-condemnation.
#5 - Past regrets
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#6 - Past misfortunes
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Unless we decide to let go of our misfortunes, we begin to perceive ourself as a victim of bad luck. Once we identify as a victim, we lose our sense of personal agency.
#7 - Unachieved goals
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#8 - Judgments of others
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When we fixate on others’ perceptions of us, we implicitly allow them to make our decisions for us. Our life is no longer our own.
#9 - Others' grudges and disdain
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#10 - Control over everything
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#11 - The expectation to be happy all the time
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#12 - Anger
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#13 - Shame
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#14 - Others' opinions
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When we let go of others’ opinions, we begin to experience greater confidence in our own efficacy. We also enjoy the satisfaction and happiness that accompanies self-validation.
#15 - Unflattering comparisons to other people
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When we stop caring that other people live better lives (often an illusion in and of itself), we start to appreciate the aspects of our own life that truly matter to us.
#16 - Perfectionism
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When we stop trying to be perfect, we experience less anxiety, enjoy more creativity, and become more inclined to take purposeful, calculated risks. And importantly, we free ourself from the emotional burden of constantly striving for others’ approval.
#17 - Circumstances you can't change
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#18 - Fear of failure
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Our confidence and self-esteem improve as we take leaps of faith based on the belief that failing doesn’t mean disaster. Conversely, our failures often pave the road toward personal growth and self-improvement.
#19 - Others' choices, behaviors, and worldviews
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#20 - Catastrophic thinking
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PART II THE MOST COMMON REASONS WE STRUGGLE TO LET GO
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WE FEAR THE PROSPECT OF CHANGE
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Rather than embrace change, we try to repel it. We prefer the status quo, even if the status quo is a state of misery for us. We’re familiar with this state.
WE FEAR THE LOSS OF OPPORTUNITY
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WE DREAD LOSING OUR "INVESTMENT"
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WE STRUGGLE WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM
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Low self-esteem discourages us from letting go because we feel that we deserve the regrettable circumstances we’ve experienced and the resultant emotional pain we’re suffering.
WE LOATHE ADMITTING WE WERE WRONG
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WE IDEALIZE THE THING WE’RE HANGING ON TO
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We remember the good parts of the relationship while downplaying the bad parts.
Our idealization of our former partners causes us to forget (or dismiss) the deep-rooted toxicity of the relationship.
OUR SELF-IDENTITY IS CONNECTED TO THE THING WE’RE HANGING ON TO
These experiences influence how we see ourself. We become our failures. Eventually, having connected our self-identity to them, we stop giving ourself the opportunity to succeed.
WE’RE ADDICTED TO NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS
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OUR BRAINS ARE HARDWIRED TO SURVIVE
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One of the primary ways in which the brain prioritizes survival is by recognizing and storing negative information. It remembers experiences that caused us harm, both physically and psychologically. In doing so, it helps us to avoid or pull through circumstances that jeopardize our comfort and security.
we must create new ways to think about our circumstances so that we entertain negative aspects only to the extent of their practical usefulness.
PART III 21 STRATEGIES FOR LETTING GO AND MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE
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STRATEGY #1: MAKE THE DECISION TO LET GO
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First, we need to acknowledge the source of our unhappiness. We must ask ourself “What is causing my emotional pain?”
Second, we need to determine whether we’re ready to commit to letting go of this burden.
Third, we must identify the potential reasons our mind might resist letting go of this emotional albatross.
EXERCISE #1
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