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February 15 - March 21, 2025
This tendency to idealize the past invariably leads to sadness, frustrati...
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When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.
We self identify with our traumas, triumphs, failures, value systems, vocations, and even material possessions.
These things, along with many others, become who we believe ourself to be. We use them as a way to categorize ourself and assign ourself to particular groups.
It provides us with a sense of self.
A string of failed relationships causes us to believe we’re incapable of maintaining a successful one.
Negative emotions are like unwelcome guests. Just because they show up on our doorstep doesn't mean they have a right to stay. DEEPAK CHOPRA
We ponder negative situations to determine what we did wrong so we can avoid repeating mistakes. But too often, we focus on negativity without purpose.
Why would any of us choose to fixate on anger, sadness, and fear when we instinctively enjoy feeling calm, happy, and secure?
Psychologists claim it can be a form of emotional addiction, one that stems from a variety of sources.
Whatever the reason (or reasons) for this fixation, it impedes our ability to let go and move on.
This behavior can become so ingrained that it happens without our realizing it. And we end up holding on to things even though they caused — and continue to cause — us emotional distress.
Bad things happen. And the human brain is especially adept at making sure that we keep track of these events. This is an adaptive mechanism important for survival. DAVID PERLMUTTER
The mind prioritizes survival above all other concerns. It is designed to help us overcome dangerous situations and evade threats and hazards to our well-being. This priority to survive is paramount and unseats all other competing interests. It’s a part of our natural programming; this biological imperative is hardwired into us.
One of the primary ways in which the brain prioritizes survival is by recognizing and storing negative information.
The mind’s tendency to focus on the negative (psychologists call this tendency “negativity bias”)
Second, while focusing on the negative, the mind tends to overlook the positive. Because the latter seems to have minimal practical use, it is disregarded.
this negativity bias discourages us from letting go of negative thoughts and emotions. Our mind, prioritizing our survival, overemphasizes their usefulness.
Overcoming this natural proclivity toward the negative requires that we rewire our brain. We must reframe negative experiences of the past in order to finally let them go. Additionally, we must create new ways to think about our circumstances so that we entertain negative aspects only to the extent of their practical usefulness.
Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. LYNDON B. JOHNSON
“What is causing my emotional pain?”
“How will my life improve once I’m free of this painful memory, regret, or frustration?”
we must recognize that the decision to let go is ultimately ours to make.
Lastly, accept that the decision to let go of the failed relationship is yours to make.
Write a statement that summarizes your decision to let go of the event, decision, relationship, or memory that’s causing you misery. Post it somewhere in plain sight (above your desk, on your refrigerator, etc.). This statement should incorporate the four steps above.
“I’m committing to finally let go of ______________. By letting ______________ go, I’ll feel less stressed and less discouraged. I’ll also feel better about myself with great self-confidence and a more positive outlook regarding my potential. It’s possible my mind might resist. After all, I’ve been holding on to ______________ for years. I identify with the pain. I also idealize ______________ despite knowing the ideal is impossible. I alone have the power to make this decision. I alone get to decide to let go of ______________.
You cannot let go of anything if you cannot notice that you are holding it. Admit your ‘weaknesses’ and watch them morph into your greatest strengths. NEALE DONALD WALSCH
suppose we’re feeling angry about a failed relationship. This anger doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It causes a ripple effect that extends to other areas of our life. It makes us irritable at our workplace. It make us temperamental when we’re with our friends. It causes us to be impatient when we interact with strangers.
“What am I feeling and what is causing me to feel this way?”
describe how these emotions affected your behavior immediately following the incident.
Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head. ANN LANDERS
Think about the activities you enjoy. Consider how they make you feel.
Each of these can offer a valuable outlet for your negative emotions. The key is to do them.
This is the moment when we should force ourself to take advantage of activities we enjoy.
Forcing ourself to do things we enjoy short circuits the pattern of negative thoughts and emotions that dominate our headspace. It provides a useful and timely outlet for the attendant stress. Releasing this stress will help us to confront the thing we’re holding on to with less emotional attachment and greater purpose.
All moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic expressions of unmet needs. MARSHALL ROSENBERG
When we have difficulty letting go of something, it’s often because we believe it was meeting one of our needs.
Holding on to it means we miss the opportunity to enjoy a healthy relationship that would allow us to experience genuine emotional security.
First, we need to ask ourself “what do I need in order to feel satisfied?”
Second, we need to determine whether the thing we’re holding on to truly meets any of these needs.
Once we’re able to recognize that the thing we’re clinging to isn’t meeting any of our needs, we
The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for. FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY
painful memories and negative emotions stem from something that truly met our needs
whether the thing we’re holding on to gives our life purpose.
Purpose motivates us. It fills us with resolve and encourages us to take action.
Purpose gives our life meaning and plays a critical role in whether we feel fulfilled or dissatisfied.
When we’re clear about our purpose, we’re optimistic.
By contrast, when we don’t know what gives us purpose, we feel bored, empty, and anxious.
This lack of awareness regarding our purpose makes us more inclined to hold on to the past.
For this reason, identifying what gives us purpose is an essential part of letting go.
