Mistakes Were Made

by Meryl Wilsner

Cassie could absolutely be an adult. A good guest. A good friend, who didn’t sleep with her friends’ moms, no matter how hot they were. That was why it was better to be facing the sink, looking at the suds and not Erin’s face. She was really fucking pretty, and Cassie was trying to not let it be a problem.

At least Parker knew her mom was into women. It’d be awful to find that out by learning she slept with your friend. Not that Parker was gonna learn that. Obviously. Cassie realized she needed to react to what Parker said and smiled belatedly. “You tired?” Parker asked. No, just thinking about fucking your mom.

“My mom is obsessed with looking good for company,” Parker said. “She’s not like this in real life. Here, see.” She led Cassie out of the bathroom to the opposite end of the hallway from the guest room. Parker opened a door before Cassie could process what would be behind it. “I knew it’d be messy.” Fuck. When Cassie had fantasized about seeing Erin’s room, this was not how it happened. There was a nice bed, way too big for one person. It was made, but hastily, covers askew. A bra hung out of one of the open drawers of Erin’s dresser. Cassie looked away. Why did she ever think visiting was a good idea?

Erin was sitting on a stool at the kitchen island when Cassie walked in. She gave her a smile. “Good morning.” “Morning.” Cassie tried not to sound too grouchy. She stifled a yawn. “Coffee?” Erin gestured to the pot. “Cups are in the cupboard above it.” Cassie grabbed the first mug she could reach and didn’t realize until she was pouring her cup that it said WORLD’S BEST MOM on it. She didn’t care.

Erin turned back to Cassie and leaned against the counter toward her, stretching her shoulders. Cassie was now awake enough to remember Erin was really freakin’ attractive. The way Erin smiled at her made her wonder if her thoughts were written all over her face. She looked at the coffee left in her cup.

“You’re a guest, Cassie,” Erin said. “And I’m a good hostess. And you probably eat horribly at college.” Cassie smirked and responded without thinking. “I’ve been told I’m very good at eating, actually.” Jesus, why was she so bad at this? She got up to put her mug in the sink so she didn’t have to look at Erin. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” Cassie pressed her lips together. Erin must’ve missed her double entendre, probably because she wasn’t expecting a cunnilingus joke before 9 a.m. But when Cassie looked at Erin again, she swore her eyes were sparkling. If Erin hadn’t made it really clear how not into Cassie she was, Cassie would’ve thought she was flirting. She needed to text Acacia—surely she’d say exactly what Cassie needed to hear to make this stop.

Cassie [Today 8:09 AM] Please tell me not to do anything stupid. Acacia [8:12 AM] Dude 1) it is too early and 2) you owe me so much for being this good of a friend to you because I really feel like I’m being a shit friend to Parker. Acacia [8:12 AM] But yeah no, don’t do anything stupid Cassie [8:13 AM] Even if it seems like she was flirting with me? Acacia [8:13 AM] Especially then The problem was it did feel like Erin was flirting. Maybe Erin was just that nice, but no one smiled that much in the morning, did they? Even if they did, it was a specific sort of smile; the kind Cassie had first seen across a crowded bar when she got caught staring.

They were out for hours, and it was so fun that Cassie forgot to be anxious when they came home to Erin in a tight V-neck sweater. She looked really fucking good, and Cassie enjoyed it instead of worrying.

Cassie couldn’t help but watch her, only a little embarrassed by how blown away she was by Erin’s gorgeousness. Erin caught her staring, and her grin went bigger. It was exactly like the night they met, and maybe it was just her good mood, but Cassie was completely unconvinced that Erin wasn’t interested in her. “You look happy,” Erin commented when Parker was in the bathroom. “Yeah,” Cassie said. “It was a good day. I’m glad I came.” Erin smiled. “I am, too.” They held eye contact until Parker came back into the room. Cassie knew she was in trouble when she didn’t even consider texting Acacia.

While Parker rummaged through the pantry for snacks to bring, Erin caught Cassie by the arm. Her pulse shot up. “Here, take my number,” Erin said. Her smile had a hint of mischief. “If you need a sober ride home, let me know. Parker tends to lose her phone when she’s out with her friends.”

“Cassie, honestly, could you stop?” Parker yelled from the pantry. “I know you like embarrassing me, but she’s my mom. Do you have to tell her everything?” “You can’t invite me and then tell me I’m not allowed to have any fun,” Cassie called back. Erin smirked at her. “Do you have to do the same with your phone, so you don’t drunk text anyone?” Cassie ducked her head, trying not to blush. “Nah,” she said. “I’m usually pretty good about it.”

“What?” Parker’s voice was accusatory. “Are you best friends with my mom now since you’ve been cooking together? Are you on her side?”

“She flew me up here,” Cassie said. “I figure the least I can do is help make some appetizers.” That shut Parker up, thankfully. Seriously, Erin flew her out here. She’d spent more on Cassie than Cassie’s own mom had spent in years. Erin might not have been perfect, but Cassie sure as hell wasn’t complaining about a little cooking and cleaning. That was absolutely not an accurate portrayal of why Cassie was so okay helping with party prep. Erin needed help. It may have been pathetic, but that was reason enough for Cassie to pitch in.

“I mean, she’ll probably be okay because you’re not her daughter,” Parker said. “But I don’t want her to work you too hard.” She can work me as hard as she wants. Cassie fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. Ran a hand over her face.

Cassie wanted to squeeze her arm or something, give some kind of reassurance. She didn’t.

“If I work hard, I can get mostly everything done,” she said. “There’s just so much I should do.” Cassie bumped her knee against Erin’s. “Fuck should.” The comment made her laugh, and suddenly Cassie remembered the bathroom at Parker’s a cappella concert, saying we shouldn’t right before they absolutely did. Cassie pulled her knee away from Erin’s and picked at the crust on her sandwich. “It’s going to be perfect because your friends are going to be here and it’s going to be fun,” Cassie said. She was trying to be good, but the memory of Erin’s teeth on her collarbone wouldn’t go away. “Parker has told me these things are always fun. It’s all going to work out. Don’t stress out about it.” Cassie kept her eyes on her sandwich. “Think I can get that embroidered on a pillow?” Cassie’s brow furrowed. She tilted her head to look at Erin. “What?” “‘Fuck should.’ I think it’d be a great pillow.” Her smile was cute and crooked and Cassie spent too long looking at her mouth.

By the time Parker returned from lunch with the loaves of bread, the pecan pie was finished, the bathroom was clean, and Erin and Cassie were laughing over reviews of Roomba-style robot mops on the internet. “Hi?” Parker said. “Hey, honey,” Erin smiled at her. “Thanks for picking up the bread.” “Yeah, no problem.” Erin turned back to the computer, and Parker gave Cassie a WTF face. Cassie grinned and shrugged, rather proud of herself for getting Erin to de-stress.

“It literally isn’t difficult to make your mom happy,” Cassie said. “Maybe you’re just bad at it.”

Cassie had helped, though. Too much, maybe. Erin felt better every time the other woman smiled at her. Being rude to Cassie on the phone at Thanksgiving was supposed to put an end to any possibility between them. Erin should’ve left it at that. She should’ve been okay with Cassie thinking she was a bitch. It’d be smarter than whatever they were doing now. Because they were doing … something. Even if Erin wasn’t sure what it was. All she knew was it felt dangerous every time their eyes met. Like a lit match. Their eye contact was combustible.

She should have been too busy with hostess duties to pay Cassie much attention, but you know what they say about should. She told herself this was a hostess duty, too, the way she checked on Cassie from across the room. She saw her tucked away in a corner, chatting with Lila, then later, hovering around the table, picking at the finger foods instead of getting herself a plate. She saw the back of her head, more than anything, which was probably good. Cassie didn’t need to notice how often Erin’s eyes found her in a room so crowded Erin had taken off her cardigan barely an hour into the party.

Looking at Cassie wasn’t even intentional this time—it was just that her gloomy face stood out against the animated conversations happening around her. Cassie looked like she wanted to be anywhere else. Erin was being a good hostess by letting herself be pulled into Cassie’s orbit. She couldn’t have one of her guests be so obviously displeased.

“How you doing?” Erin said because she didn’t know how to ask what was wrong. Cassie shrugged. When Erin furrowed her brows, the other woman said, “Could be worse. At least no one has complained that the floors aren’t mopped.” Erin’s cheeks heated. “Be quiet.” Cassie grinned, her eyes twinkling more than the lights on the Christmas tree behind her. Erin’s blush deepened. She hadn’t even added any alcohol to her punch. Her skin buzzed just being near Cassie.

Cassie couldn’t keep a straight face, a teasing smirk breaking through as Erin laughed and shoved at her shoulder. “You’re rude.” “I’m just pointing out that I was right. No one cares what your house looks like. They’re here for the company. And maybe the food.” She grabbed another shrimp puff off Erin’s plate and popped it into her mouth. Thank God Adam came in before Erin could overthink and be mortified at the way she’d shoved Cassie’s shoulder. It felt childish, and obvious. Like pulling someone’s pigtails on the playground. Erin was grateful for the interruption, but she hoped Adam hadn’t noticed the way she took a giant step backward upon hearing his voice. She hadn’t realized they had been standing so close.

Erin pressed her lips together and flexed her fingers wide. “Did Cassie ask you for a recommendation letter?” Adam narrowed his eyes. “I offered.” “Seriously, Adam?” Erin’s voice snapped, and it was probably too loud—Cassie could be listening, the door to the pantry not fully closed. “What? I’m not supposed to offer to help our daughter’s friends now?” This conversation was every reason Erin divorced this man. His calm, arrogant certainty. “You’re not supposed to talk to a woman you barely know and assume you know better than her what she needs.”

wrong if she didn’t host it? Like she was worried about judgmental people. Erin had always

Erin wondered if the smile on her face looked as soft as she felt. Some days her life was a thundercloud following her around—all of her mistakes, every moment wasted on something she didn’t actually want, the way she still cared too much about her mom’s disapproving voice even though it no longer existed anywhere but in the back of her mind. But some days—this day—everything was blue sky. Like there were wings on her shoulders instead of the weight of the world.

She should not have taken another step toward Cassie, who was looking at the ground now. When her eyes came back to Erin’s, her intake of breath wasn’t quite a gasp, but it turned into one when Erin leaned in and kissed her. Parker was in the bathroom down the hall and the door to the guest room was open, and Erin was an idiot, she knew she was an idiot, but she was kissing Cassie anyway. She bit at her mouth and tugged her closer by the hips and Cassie moaned. Erin wanted to moan back. She wanted to be loud.

Parker was in the doorway then, right there, and Erin smiled at her daughter. It felt like she was watching the scene from above, like this was so fucked up her mind had tried to escape. “I guess I better get to bed,” Cassie said. Her voice was perfectly steady, while Erin was fucking dissociating. “Wouldn’t want Santa to skip the house.”

What was an appropriate gift for your friend’s mom who you’d slept with before knowing the whole “friend’s mom” thing, but now that you did know, you still wanted to bang?

Cassie wanted to kiss Erin again. She didn’t know what the fuck Erin was thinking last night, but she didn’t care. She didn’t need the why. The reasons didn’t matter so much as the feeling of Erin’s lips against hers, Erin’s tongue brushing soft against her lower lip, Erin’s hands on her hips and her leg between Cassie’s, giving her something to grind against. It was dumb, to have done it with Parker down the hall, but Cassie could admit that was half the fun—there was something about the potential of getting caught. Or maybe that wasn’t what made it thrilling—maybe it was more that Erin wanted to kiss her enough to do it while her daughter was nearby. Like Cassie was irresistible.

Erin kissing Cassie felt like a win. Seth might have thought their relationship was worthless enough to throw away on Parker, but Erin wanted to kiss her enough that it didn’t matter Parker was down the hall. All the trying Cassie had been doing had gone out the window. Why try not to be into Erin if Erin was into her? It had been less trying and more pretending, anyway, because she couldn’t not be into this woman.

They rehashed their morning and present hauls. When Cassie mentioned the necklace, Acacia gave her a look that Parker noticed, but thankfully misinterpreted. “I know,” she said. “I thought it was weird because the last necklace she wore was from Seth, but she claims it’s not weird.”

“But this isn’t, like, a thing. I don’t need some kid with mommy issues obsessing about my feelings, okay?” Cassie’s eyes flashed. Back to anger. Good. That was easier to deal with. “Are you fucking kidding me?” “You obviously don’t have a good relationship with your mother. It makes sense you’d be drawn to some sort of mother figure. I don’t—” “I don’t want you to be my mom. I want to fuck you.” Jesus. The way Cassie didn’t just know what she wanted, but owned it. Erin had to go through six months of therapy before she even mentioned the word divorce.

Erin couldn’t focus on anything other than Cassie’s presence. She might as well not be here for how much noise she wasn’t making, but Erin suffocated on the knowledge that they were under the same roof. She needed to say she was sorry. Because she was! And she could be the adult here—Cassie couldn’t mope in her room for the rest of break. That would be more suspicious than anything she and Erin had done so far. Erin would apologize and Cassie would get over it and they could move on. Sure, maybe her guilt factored into it, too. She hated the idea of Cassie hating her. It was like the phone call—Erin chose to be a bitch, and then felt too bad about it not to apologize. But this time would be different. She would apologize but keep her distance afterward. It’d be fine.

The bathroom door was closed. As Erin approached it, the shower turned on. Fuck. She had to do this now, or she’d lose her nerve. Maybe Cassie wasn’t in the shower yet—the water needed time to warm up, right? “Cassie?” Erin said through the door, knocking gently. “I want to apologize.” “I can’t hear you. I’m in the shower.” Erin opened the door and stepped inside. She acted without thinking. She must have, right? Erin never would’ve gone into the bathroom while Cassie was showering if she’d thought it through. But that seemed too easy an excuse. Like if she could pretend she didn’t know what she was doing, it made it okay.

Through the frosted shower door, Cassie was nothing more than a vague outline. She looked pink, like the shower was too hot. Erin looked away. She was not going to think about water running down Cassie’s naked body. She wasn’t going to think about tracing the rivulets with her tongue. About exploring just how wet Cassie really was. She needed to stop being horny and remember why she came in here. I’d love to come in here. Great, now she was making horrible puns to herself.

“I thought you wanted to apologize,” Cassie said. Erin smirked as she looped the hair ties over the doorknob. “I thought you couldn’t hear me.” Score one for Erin. No, Jesus, not score one for Erin. She wasn’t supposed to be bantering with her kid’s friend. They’d already seen where that led.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel—” She swallowed. Cleared her throat. “I did, actually. This morning, and before, too, when you called about Thanksgiving. The point was to make you feel bad. To push you away. But I didn’t want to.” “That’s still not an apology.”

“Is there a reason you couldn’t wait until after I showered to tell me this?” Cassie suddenly sounded like she had that first night at the bar. Erin didn’t know what had changed, but the smirk was back in Cassie’s voice. “You talked a big game on the phone about how I wasn’t that irresistible and you’d be able to control yourself, but you don’t seem to be.” “Cassie,” Erin said, a warning or a concession or maybe both. Cassie opened the shower door.

Erin was going to regret this. For so many reasons, but the one she thought of as she moved lower was that she was much too old to be kneeling in a bathtub. She’d have to pop a couple ibuprofen later, because now that she was down there, she planned to stay awhile.

It was as much of a break as she could give her. She didn’t know how to stop. She should have brought Cassie to her hotel room two months ago. She should have gone down on her in the bathroom at the concert. She should have taken every opportunity she had to do this.

This was definitely weird. Too personal. They’d slept together twice. It wasn’t like they were dating. It wasn’t like they could date. Scratching at Cassie’s scalp, fingers combing through her hair—it felt more intimate than the sex. Still, Erin let her hand slip down to massage Cassie’s neck, which went limp as Erin pressed a thumb along the base of her skull.

Cassie took her mouth off Erin eventually, pressing a kiss to her thigh. “C’mon, sweetheart,” she murmured. “We’re wasting water.” “Fuck you.” Erin laughed, mostly breathless. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed with someone while having sex.

She didn’t regret this, though. She should’ve, but she didn’t. Her entire body was loose and relaxed. How was she supposed to regret that? “I get it if you don’t want to do that again,” Cassie said. “But I think we should.” Okay. Well. Clearly they were going to have to do that again. Yes, it was irresponsible and wrong and everything Erin had already worried about, but she was not going to say no to sex that good.

“But we need to lay out some ground rules,” Erin said. That was the way to handle this. Cassie smirked. “Like I promise not to fall in love with you?” Erin didn’t acknowledge the comment. “Like no sex while Parker is in the house.”

“Are those all the rules?” Erin tilted her head to give Cassie more access. “One more,” she said before she got too distracted by Cassie’s mouth. “This ends when your visit ends.” Cassie nuzzled under Erin’s ear. “I already promised not to fall in love with you, sweetheart,” she murmured. “Now can we get on to the leaving-hickeys-where-no-one-can-see part?”

The next morning Cassie brushed her teeth before going downstairs. Erin met her in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and a soft smile. Cassie kissed her gently before taking the coffee. The kitchen seemed like its own world.

Cassie set her coffee on the counter so she could get her hands on Erin’s face. Erin opened her mouth for Cassie when she kissed her, clutched at Cassie’s shoulders. “We agreed not when Parker is home,” she whispered when they pulled apart. “We agreed no sex when Parker is home,” Cassie said, nosing at Erin’s chin and kissing below her jaw. “We said nothing about making out in the kitchen while she’s asleep upstairs.”

Parker started in on a dramatic retelling of Caleb taking the jump too quickly, flying off his sled, and getting his head stuck in the snow. She was halfway through the story when Erin opened the white chocolate cocoa box. Parker was too engaged to notice, but Cassie was watching; Cassie saw the smile creep onto Erin’s face. Cassie’s insides felt warm even though she could still feel the chill on her cheeks. Erin looked at her but glanced quickly away. Cassie bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling too hard. “Did Caleb hurt himself?” Erin asked, back at the stove stirring the milk. Her cheeks were flushed. There was no better feeling than making a pretty girl blush.

“I’ll help her,” Erin said, adding, “you worthless daughter of mine,” and making Parker laugh. Erin didn’t help, though. Instead she came in, barely out of Parker’s view, and kissed Cassie. Cassie almost fell over. Erin caught her by the elbow and grinned into her mouth and Cassie felt too big for her body.