After We Collided (After, #2)

by Anna Todd

I know how foolish it is of me, but I’ve been a fool since I first met Hardin, and that hasn’t always been a bad thing.

“Hardin, you ruined it. They just told me about it,” I remind him.

“I want you to stay with me. I want you to forgive me and give me another chance. I know I’ve asked you too many times, but please, just give me one more chance. I can’t be without you. I’ve tried, and I know you have, too. There isn’t anyone else for either of us. If it’s not us, it’s nothing—and I know that you know that, too.”

“You hurt me, so terribly, Hardin.” “I know, baby, I know I did. I would give anything to take that back,”

Looking into Hardin through his green eyes, I don’t know what to say. Because when I think about it—really think about it—I know I wouldn’t change anything either.

“How will I know that you won’t hurt me again?”

“You won’t. Tessa, I can assure you that I will hurt you again. You will hurt me, too, but I can also assure you that I’ll never keep anything from you or betray you again. You may say some shit that you don’t mean, and God knows that I will, but we can work through our problems because that’s what people do.

“You love me, don’t you?” I ask, afraid of her answer. “Yes. More than anything.” She admits with a sigh.

“You make me happy, Hardin. But you also make me miserable, angry, and—most of all—you make me insane.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it? That’s why we’re so good together, Tess, because we are terrible for each other.”

No matter how hard I fight it, I need him. I need to be close to him, I need him to comfort me, to challenge me, to annoy me, to kiss me, and to love me.

I know I should’ve held out longer, tortured him with waiting the way he tortured me with his lies, but I couldn’t.

“Please don’t make me regret this,” I beg him, and he takes my face into his hands once more. “I won’t. You’ll see,” he promises and kisses me again.

“I know this is a little strange right now, you know, getting used to being together again, but you don’t have to be so… distant,” she says nervously.

“It’s terrible what I’m thinking,” I admit. I don’t want her to think that she’s an object to me, that I just want to use her.

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. I look up at Hardin and swallow the tears threatening to form. His mother didn’t get me this. He did.

“Evidence?” Trish’s voice is shaky. “Yes, evidence. The condom! Oh, and the sheets with Tessa’s stolen virginity on them. God knows what he did with the money, but he was telling everyone every detail of their… intimacy. So now you tell me if I should make my daughter come with me or not.”

“How could you, Hardin?” she cries. “I had hoped you were different now… I hoped you had stopped doing things like this to girls… women. Have you forgotten what happened last time?”

“Last time? See, Theresa! This is exactly why you need to get away from him. He has done this before, I knew it! Prince Charming strikes again!”

I don’t think I can take any more. Not from him.

“You’re no good for her, Hardin. I love you more than life itself, but I can’t allow you to do this again. Coming to America was supposed to have helped you—”

Has he done this before? To who? Did he love her? Did she love him?

I need a few minutes, hours—some time—to comprehend what’s going on. I just forgave Hardin. I just decided to forget everything and move on with him. Why must there always be some secret locked away that comes to a head at the worst possible time?

“Tessa, honey. I think you should listen to your mother.”

“Boy, if you care for her, even a little bit, you will tell her to go. You have done nothing but break her down.

You didn’t have to see her cry for days over what you did to her. You were probably partying with another girl while she was crying herself to sleep.

I’m trying to decide which will win the battle inside of me: my heart or my head?

“I want nothing to do with you! No one does!

“I hate you. I really hate you. You’re the reason he left. Because he couldn’t stand you! And I don’t blame him—in fact, I wish he would have taken—”

I can’t blame her for being angry, regardless of how much I hate her. I did hurt Tessa. But I don’t think I ruined her. Have I?

I didn’t want her to know what I did to Tess. I knew it would kill her, especially after what happened before.

I love Tessa. Through all the chaos I caused, I found love.

I am terrible for her. I’m not the man Tessa thinks I am, but I love her too much to let her leave me again. I just got her back, and I will not lose her again.

I’ve been with men like you. I knew you were trouble since the day I laid eyes on you. I should have had Tessa change rooms and prevented all of this. No man is going to want her after this… after you.

“She will always choose me over you, over anyone.”

“You are the devil, and I’m not going to just go away. She is my daughter, and she’s too good for you.”

“I’ll make sure to remember that when I’m burying myself into your daughter tonight.” As the words leave my lips, she gasps and reaches her hand up to smack me. I...

“How could you tell Tessa to go? To leave me?” I say. I knew she would be disappointed, but that was too much. “Because, Hardin”—she sighs, lifting her hands as if it’s obvious—“you aren’t good for her. You know you aren’t. I don’t want to see her end up like Natalie, or the others.”

I know I’m not good for her, and I regret what I did every single time I look at her, but I can be good for her.

“I love her more than I can even begin to tell you, because I don’t even understand it myself.

Do you know how that feels to have someone love you despite all the fucked-up shit you do?

“She’s always there for me, Mum. She always forgives me, even when she shouldn’t. She always says the right thing. She calms me, but challenges me—she makes me want to be a better man. I know I’m a shitty person, I know that. I have done so much shit, but Tessa can’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone anymore, and I’ll never love anyone again—she is it for me. I know it. She’s my ultimate sin, Mum, and I’ll gladly be damned for her.”

“I need to know what you did.” “I know… just promise me that you’ll try to understand…” “Tell me, Hardin.” “And that you understand that I’m not proud of any of this.”

“I had a group of shitty friends back home. They were like Jace, I guess… We would do this thing… this game, I guess. We would pick a girl—pick a girl for one another, and see who could fuck their girl first.”

“Whoever won would get the hottest chick the next week, and there was money involved…”

“Only five weeks went by before this girl—” “Natalie.” I say, connecting the dots. Hardin looks over at the windows. “Yeah… Natalie was the last one.”

“The third week… James thought Martin was lying, so he came up with the idea of proof…”

“Not the same type of proof…” He knows what I was thinking. “Pictures…” My jaw drops. “Pictures?” “And a video…”

“You recorded sex with someone? Did she know?”

“So what happened with Natalie?”