After We Collided (After, #2)

by Anna Todd

“When James saw the video of her… He wanted to fuck her himself. And when she turned him down, he showed everyone the video.”

“The video spread so quickly that her parents found out before even a day had passed. Her family was really big in their church community… so the news didn’t go well. They kicked her out of their house, and when word got around, she lost her scholarship to the private university she was going to that fall.”

Hardin ruined this girl’s life, the way he once threatened to ruin mine. Will I end up like her? Am I already just like her?

But that’s why my mum sent me here. Everyone back home knew about it. I wasn’t in the video. Well, I was fucking her in it, but I wasn’t visible; only a few of the tattoos on my arms were.”

“She said she fell in love with me… and she asked if she could stay at my house until she found somewhere else to go.” “Did you let her?” He shakes his head. “Why?” “Because I didn’t want to. I didn’t care for her.”

This is nauseating. I see the pattern here, I see the similarities between Natalie and me. I was left with nowhere to go because of Hardin, too. I have no relationship with my mother because of Hardin. I fell for him while he was using me as part of some sick game.

“How many others what?” “Did you record?” “Just Natalie… until I came here.” “You did it again! After everything you did to that poor girl, you did it again?” I scream. “Once… to Dan’s sister,” he says. Dan’s sister? “Your friend Dan?”

“How do you not see how fucked up this is! How fucked up you are?” I yell. “I know it is! I know that, Tessa!” “I thought my bet was the worst thing you had done… but, oh my God, this is even worse.”

“This is too much, Hardin! Even for me… the bet, the apartment, the fights, the lies, getting back together, my mother, your mother, Christmas—it’s too fucking much. I don’t even get a breath between these… these messes.

He violated that girl in a terrible, deplorable way, and he had no remorse—he still barely does.

This is a cycle with him, this is what he does—will he be able to stop doing it? What would have happened to me if he hadn’t fallen in love with me?

We need to be together and try to move past all of the terrible things he’s done, or I need to end things and keep them that way. If I leave him, I need to move away from here, far away. I need to leave behind every reminder of my life with him or I’ll never be able to move on.

I can’t leave him. I know I can’t.

Is love always like this? Is it always so passionate, yet so damn painful?

I don’t want you to…” “To end up like Natalie?”

“Tessa, he’s my son, and I love him, but you really have to think about this. He just did the same thing to you that he did before. I know that he loves you—that’s clear to me now—but I’m just afraid that the damage has been done.”

My son hates himself—always has—and I thought he always would, until you. I was mortified when your mum told me what he did to you, and for that I’m sorry. I don’t know where I went wrong with Hardin. I tried to be the best mother that I could be, but it was so hard with his father not being around.

“I think he needs to know that there are consequences for bad choices.”

Instead of making excuses for the way I am, I’m going to tell you about me, the me that you never knew.

When I was fourteen I lost my virginity to my friend Mark’s older sister. She was a whore and seventeen at the time. It was an awkward experience, but I liked it. She slept with all of our friends, not just me. After I had sex the first time I didn’t do it again until I was fifteen, but after that I couldn’t stop.

I would hook up with random girls at parties. I always lied about my age, and the girls were easy. None of them cared about me, and I didn’t give a fuck about them.

I was always so fucking angry—always—and it felt good to hurt someone else.

The worst one was with this boy named Tucker who came from a poor family. He wore the oldest, rattiest clothes, and I fucking tortured him for it. I would mark on his shirt with a pen just to prove how many times he wore it without washing it. Fucked up, I know.

I’ll skip the rest of my sixteenth year because all I did was drink, get high, and fight.

One of the other girls, Melissa, got attached to me as well, but nothing came of it.

Then when everyone found out about the Natalie shit, she had enough. I threw a fit when my mum mentioned sending me to America. I didn’t want to leave my life back home no matter how fucked up it was—I was.

I met Steph first. I hooked up with her at a party and she introduced me to the rest of her friends. Nate and I hit it off the best. Dan and Jace were dicks, Jace the worst. You already know about Dan’s sister, so I’ll skip that.

I did sleep with Molly once after you and I kissed, but the only reason I did it was because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t get you out of my head, Tess.

thought about you constantly. My every thought was consumed by you. I didn’t know what it was at first—I didn’t know why I had become so obsessed with you.

I would tell myself over and over that I was only doing all of this weird shit to win the bet. I knew that I was lying to myself, I just wasn’t ready to admit it.

“He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.”

When I told you I loved you in front of everyone, I meant it—I was just too much of a prick to admit it once you dismissed me.

You love me when you shouldn’t, and I need you.

She was boring, and nothing compared to you. No one is, no one ever will be.

I’m not even kind. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you again, but I can swear that I will love you until the day that I die. I’m a terrible person, and I don’t deserve you, but I hope that you will allow me the chance to restore your faith in me. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you, and I understand if you can’t forgive me.

You’ve done bad things, but you aren’t a bad person anymore.” He looks up. “What?”

“I already made my mind up while you were gone to stay. And after reading what you wrote, I want to stay more than ever. I love you, Hardin.”

Sometimes it is better to be kept in the dark than to be blinded by the light.

I’ve never really given a shit about holidays like this, but watching Tessa’s face light up over some stupid tree with overpriced ornaments makes the whole thing a little more tolerable.

My girl. Tessa is my girl again, and I’m spending Christmas with her—and my fucked-up family. What a difference from last year, when I spent Christmas Day wasted out of my mind.

The thing is, I do understand where she’s coming from, but it’s not her damn place to tell Tessa to leave me.

No matter how many times I see him, I still lose my breath at the sight of him.

At first I’m confused by this awkwardness, but then I realize that Karen has gotten the Ken that Trish never had.

“What about you, Dad? You want a glass of wine?”

“Amused by the fact that you’re acting as if nothing ever happened, as if you weren’t a massive fuckup.” He points at Ken and Trish. “You two are being ridiculous.”

“Not Christmas. I haven’t seen your mother in years, and this is the time you choose to bring all of this up?” “You haven’t seen her in years because you fucking left! You left us with nothing—no fucking money, no car, nothing!”

“No money? I sent money every month! A lot of money! And your mum wouldn’t accept the car that I offered her!” “Liar!”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me this? He should be paying it—and not with money that was meant to keep us fed, keep us in a house day to day.” He turns to his father. “You still left us, whether you sent money or not! You just left without so much as a fucking call on my goddamned birthday.”

“It haunts you? I fucking watched it happen, you prick! I was there to clean up the fucking blood off the floor while you were still out getting shit-faced!”

However, I feel for him. He has been through so much, and his father is the root of all his problems—the nightmares, the anger, the lack of respect for women.