After We Collided (After, #2)

by Anna Todd

“So what do you think about it?” he asks. “It confuses me even more. He does these incredibly kind things sometimes, but he does the most hurtful things at the same time.”

“What did he say?” I can’t picture Hardin knocking on Ken’s door to ask for relationship advice. “That he loves you. That he wants me to help him persuade you to give him another chance. I wanted you to know; I don’t want to keep things from you.” “I… well… I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe he came to you. To anyone, really.”

“Do you really believe that he loves me?” “Yes, I do. I don’t know if I think you should forgive him, but if there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that he does love you.”

“He just said that to hurt you. I know that’s not much better, but you two are both known to fight fire with fire.”

“You can’t just stay in a hotel alone on Christmas, Tessa. You should come to our place. I think my mother got you a few things before… you know.” “My life went down the drain?”

“Is there a reason why you didn’t tell her that we aren’t together?” I don’t know if I want to hear his answer. “She was just so happy that I found someone… I don’t want to ruin that for her.”

I’m not “taking care of her boy,” since that’s what he’s missing out on for hurting me the way he did. “Yeah… he’s a slob,” I answer.

“I’m not a slob—she’s just too clean.” I roll my eyes. “He’s a slob,” Trish and I say in unison. “Are we going to watch a movie or pick on me all night?”

I don’t know how long I can do this, pretend that Hardin didn’t destroy everything, pretend that I love him. I do love him, I am miserably in love with him.

I can do this. I can be around Hardin. I can be nice to him, and we can get along.

“I just don’t want to say the wrong thing.” “Oh” is all I can think to say. Well, that’s not what I expected to hear.

As I hit the doorway, I hear what sounds like a muffled sob. Is Hardin crying? He isn’t. He couldn’t be.

“This was a bad idea. I’m going to tell my mum in the morning.” “You don’t have to.” I’ve seen him let out a few tears before, but never full-on, body-shaking, tears-streaming-down-his-face crying.

I see the pain I’ve caused. I see the change in you because of me. I know that I did this, but it still kills me to have you slip through my fingers.”

“I’m sorry. For everything, for hurting you, for everything,”

As much as I resist this, I know deep down that I’m not ready for him to give up on me. On the other hand, I’m not ready to easily forgive him either.

“I need to hear you say it.” His voice is harsh but pleading. “Say that you only kissed him once and you haven’t spoken to him since.” “I only kissed him once and I haven’t spoken to him since,” I repeat, only because I know he desperately needs to hear the words.

I had come up with a simple lie: my girlfriend wouldn’t be available because she’d be out of town all week for Christmas.

I think her and my father both expected me to be alone my entire life. Then again, so did I.

The perfectly nice blonde that I took out Saturday night wasn’t Tessa. No one would ever be.

I knew she only agreed to go out with me to fulfill some fucked-up bad-boy fantasy before church the next morning, but that’s okay, because I was using her, too. I was using her to fill the void of Tessa. To distract me from Tessa being in Seattle still with fucking Trevor.

“I’m so glad that I got to meet you, Tessa. You have no idea what it means to me as a mother to see my only child this way.” “What way?” I manage to ask. “Happy,”

I want to use this two-hour drive to try to clear my head. I need to make a mental list of the pros and cons of being with Hardin again.

So far, on the cons list we have the lies, the sheets, the condom, the bet, his temper, his friends, Molly, his ego, his attitude, and him destroying my trust.

On the pros list I have… well… I have the fact that I love him. That he makes me happy, makes me feel stronger, more confident. That he usually wants the best for me, unless, of course, he’s the one doing the damage in his reckless way… The way he laughs and smiles, the way he holds me, the way he kisses me, the way he hugs me, the way I can tell he is changing for me.

“What do you mean?” “The whole thing with your dad?” he says slowly like I know what he’s talking about. What? “My dad?” “She didn’t tell you?” He looks down the empty hall. “Oh… Don’t tell her I told—”

“He’s moved back. Not too far from where you are now, but he won’t be contacting you, so don’t you worry about it. I took care of it.”

As I drive, I scream, repeatedly calling my mother every foul name I can think of. When I’ve exhausted my voice, I try to figure out what to do next, but memories of my father flood my mind, and I can’t concentrate on anything.

In a few seconds, Hardin’s voice booms through the small speaker. “Tess? Are you okay?” “Yeah…” I start, but my voice betrays me and I choke on a sob. “What happened? What did she do?” “She… can I come back?” I ask, and he lets out a deep breath. “Of course you can, baby… Tessa.”

Holding her for the first time in what seems like a lifetime is better than I could even begin to describe.

I knew this would happen, and honestly, the greedy part of me is glad for whatever she did. Not because she hurt Tessa, but because it meant my girl ran to me for comfort.

“Hardin?” she says in a weak voice. The hoarse tone of her voice tells me she had been crying the whole drive, and it makes me feel worse for her.

What the hell is wrong with me? One fight with my mother and suddenly I’m back to clinging to Hardin?

Of all the things I expected to happen, him running out like this wasn’t one of them.

The memory of what Hardin was doing the last time he had to “work” makes my stomach turn.

He laughs and smiles. He even engaged in conversation with me yesterday.”

Maybe that’s part of his problem, he always gets what he wants.”

We’re in this alien in-between stage: we aren’t together, but I’d been feeling like we were getting closer to each other until he left this morning.

“You feel sorry for poor Hardin who has nightmares and can’t sleep in a fucking bed alone!” His voice is too loud, and we have company.

“This isn’t about how I feel; it’s about how you feel about yourself. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, if anything,” I say equally harshly. “I don’t.” “Seems like it. You just started a fight with me for no reason. We should be moving forward not backward.”

And I can’t help but laugh with him… Maybe I’m just as crazy as he is.

Heck, I’m not even Hardin’s girlfriend.

“I have to go to the mall. This is what I get for being homeless on Christmas,” I tell him.

I keep browsing, but I’ve never bought a “dad gift” before, so I have no idea what to get.

“Can we talk?” “Talk about what, Steph?” I snap. “How my first and basically only friend here let me be humiliated in front of everyone?”

“Well, I can’t forgive you.” She frowns. And then her expression turns angry. “But you can forgive him? He’s the one who started it all—and you forgave him. How fucked up is that?”

“Yeah… last Saturday.” She scrunches her brows. “He didn’t say anything?” “No…”

“Tessa, just think about it, okay? I miss you.”

“You do know that you grabbed the wrong team, right?” he says when we exit the store. “What?” I reach in and grab the small object. “That’s the Giants, not the Packers.”

Next year I’ll make sure to get everyone amazing gifts to make up for my terrible gifts this year. But then I think, Next year? Who says there’ll be a next year with him?